Feeling really down over him!!

[joanne10]

These last few weeks have been very hard for me! I started seeing my ex again after a year apart. We split because i couldnt trust him and he was very aggressive towards me, but during the time we were split he told me that he had time to think and had changed his ways and realised what was important and that he wasnt interested in any other woman but me and wanted us to meet up and talk. So after thinking about it for a bit and realising i did still love and miss him i decided to meet up with him for a drink.

We talked for hours about things and i feltl all them old feelings coming back again and thought id give him the b&d and arranged to meet him again. He told me he was working in my city for the month so i thought this would be a good time to see how it goes and if he really had changed.

We were getting on really well and ii started staying out with him but from then on its been like he wants to cause arguments for nothing and likes to see me wound up about things, he let me borrow his car and there were condoms on the floor and in the seats and i asked him about it and he said they must have fell out of his bag but we never used them and he was in a different city so why would he have them there but i never got an answer and let it go. When he went back to his city after his contract ran out i went down to see him on a weekend and he knew i was coming and i found someones jewelly on his desk and he told me that was from years ago but i said to him if thats the case then why leave it there knowing im gonna see i it wasnt there the last time i was down.. I found a bit from a hairdryer which i thought was mine from the last time i visited him so i put it on the side to bring home with me and the next morning he hid it in his bag before he went to work on the morning, i asked where it was and he told me so i went to get it out of the bag he walks around everyday with and in his bag was condoms and lubicant. When i got home it didnt fit my hairdryer so i binned it and was upset for a while about it but he said i was being stupid.

I went to his house two weeks ago and whist i was there he said that he had found a new place to buy his clothers from and wanted me to see it with him. I was cool with that and as we are parking up he says that he thinks that the girl in there fancies him and then said nah im only kidding and i just laughed it off but when we got inside this shop he walked up to the shop assistant and asked for the girl by her name and the assistant said she wasnt there and he asked why not?? I was angry about this and i walked out i just thought he had done it on purpose then he came out after and started getting aggressive with me in the street and walked off from me saying i was an idiot and left me there. Eventually i rang him up and met up with him at the car with him telling me i was out of order. Then i came home but i was kinda upset all week about the way hes been going on. When im there he takes the phone out of the wall and in the middle of the night he gets calls and wont answer them.

The only last week he called me whilst he was out and i was at home and he asked me what i was doing and i was just chilling and i told him to call me when he had finished, i have always had probs with him being out because he flirts with the woman so i dont like to know when he s out but he called me again that night but didnt talk i could just hear him in the background chatting up another woman I listened for a bit then he hung up then i called him back and had ago at him. He said i was being pathetic.

Now because of the way he has been acting again i have had to stop all contact with him im really hurting and im not sleeping and im really down because i really love him. He had been trying to get in touch and the last msg he said is that i have done this on perpose and have over reacted i am evil and pathetic and he hope we never cross paths again. now im thinking i have done the wrong thing he hates me now and i dont know maybe i did over react i dont know what to do please help me!!

[smackie9]

It has nothing to do with you.....the guy is a douche, just like he was before. You broke up with him the first time for a reason....the reason IS STILL there, so never ever go out with someone who has already treated you like crap from before. He is an abusive manipulative a sshole......stop falling for a ssholes! Tip: You cant change them, you cant fix them.....fail.

[Andariel]

The guy is a complete idiot. You were right to dump him the first time and you were certainly right to end it again (hopefully, for good this time). He is not going to change. Flirting with other women is not OK and you shouldn't put up with this kind of behaviour.Who does he think he is? He treated you with complete disrespect and now that you have called him out on it , he is trying to shift the blame on you and make you feel like you are paranoid and crazy. Do not allow him to do this.

You were 100% in the right in walking away from him. My advice is: forget about him. He is never going to change. Also, no guy has the right to become aggresive towards you for whatever reason. He is obviously abusing you emotionally.I hope he has not done so physically as well, although I fear if you make the mistake of going back to him that this would be a possibility.

You deserve better that this.Don't torture yourself by wondering why he said or did this and that. He said/did it because he is a d**k. The sooner you realise that the better so that you can start moving on. Don't let him back into your life and cut off all contact with him. Put yourself first and completely remove yourself from this unhealthy situation. He is not good enough for you.

[joanne10]

yes he has been physically too in the past i have got away from him a few times and been in a womans refuge because of fear from him but he said that was an over reaction too again that all started over him and his womanising ways and like a fool i thought he would change because i loved him, he would be so nice at times and then would change and do things like this. I dont understand why he would do this when we could get on so well. I keep telling him the way he is behaving is wrong but he keeps telling me im talking rubbish. yes i have got rid of all contact and i am staying away i just keep feeling bad at times thinking its me and that i have over reacted but i dont think any girl would put up with this kind of behaviour but i also dont think he would do this to anyone else.

[smackie9]

Oh trust me sister he has and will do this to the next one. The reason he sought you out again is because he could find another victim, he got rejected because they saw right through his b ull s hit. All these girls he flirts with is his way to find others to manipulate.

[smackie9]

YOU are a big fool to think that you are the only one he will do this too.......he is a total douche bag. My god have some self worth. Next time dump anyone who treats you like this right away....like I said you cant change it or fix it.

[Andariel]

yes he has been physically too in the past i have got away from him a few times and been in a womans refuge because of fear from him but he said that was an over reaction too again that all started over him and his womanising ways and like a fool i thought he would change because i loved him, he would be so nice at times and then would change and do things like this. I dont understand why he would do this when we could get on so well. I keep telling him the way he is behaving is wrong but he keeps telling me im talking rubbish. yes i have got rid of all contact and i am staying away i just keep feeling bad at times thinking its me and that i have over reacted but i dont think any girl would put up with this kind of behaviour but i also dont think he would do this to anyone else.

Sounds like a typical abuser/wife-beater. He has anger issues and he is not even acknowledging it-this is a clear sign he is not going to change. The only way someone can change is if they realise they have a problem and they want to change. There is nothing you can do or say to change his behaviour.

Men like that only look for someone they can abuse, manipulate and control. There are many reasons behind this but the point is : you should not care. This is NOT your fault.Do not let him make you think that it is. This is what all abusers do-try to convince the victim it is the victim's fault for getting beaten!!It is absurd. . There is nothing to feel bad about because you are right in not putting up with this.I am surprised you stayed with him after everything he has put you through.

Perhaps it would help you to see a therapist who can help you deal with all the abuse you have been through and who can also help you find ways to build up your confidence/ self-esteem so that you do not find yourself in similar situations in the future. Good luck and keep strong. :-)

[moosegal]

Dear, the guy is a jerk. Right now you are feeling more rejected than anything else. Yes, you do miss him and yes you do feel like you love him but to be honest ..... you need to love yourself more. I have been in a relationship like the one you were in before ... it's not real ... it's only a relationship for his convenience. Move on .. the real Mr. Right is just around the corner ... keep your eyes open for him.