Naked Pictures..

[lovestruck99]

My boyfriend and i have been dating for a while and have been living together for the past 3 months. he asked me to move in with him and always expresses to me that he's so happy that i am there and that he pictures me being the one for him to live his life with-- welllllllll this is the problem,

last night my boyfriend was in the shower and his phone went off, which was right next to me. Him and i are comfortable with each other and sometimes when something like that happens i will, for example, open it and go to the bathroom and tell him
"so-n-so called/ texted and this is what they said. do you want me to respond for you?"

well like i said, last night his phone went off, as i was walking to the bathroom to tell him, i opened the message it was a picture of a girls naked back and butt...

He has mentioned this girl to me once before and told me they hooked up once many years ago when they were drunk at a party. and it was not a good time..if you get my drift...
as far as i know they have not really kept in touch because the previous text messages that were in his phone from her recently talked about them not speaking in a while.
well, either way, i freaked out and deleted the picture and didn't tell him anything.

i know it was wrong of me to do this in general, but naturally im VERY concerned now, how long has this been going on for?
did he send her pictures before and delete it out of the text message conversation? who would randomly send naked pics of themselves to someone they haven't talked to in a while?

I have not brought this up to him and i am debating if i should, or wait to see if it happens again because technically, SHE send him the picture. but like i said, how do i know there was not a previous exchange between them that was deleted from the history.
im afraid he will get angry that i went through his phone and turn the whole situation on me, so im not sure how to approach this issue.

please help/ advise me on what i should do

thanks-

lovestruck99

[bloodtippedrose]

That is a horrifying situation and I'm truly sorry you're experiencing such mental torment.
It was definitely wrong to delete the evidence/his private property. I feel comfortable going into my bfs phone when he's in the shower and telling him of his new texts etc. too so I can relate/ am just as guilty.

You need to ask him how much contact he's kept with this girl and why she would be motivated to send him a naked pic. You could be condemning him to the worst case scenario and it be completely in your head, or there could be something seriously up in your relationship, you won't know until you talk to him. Also the more you prolong this the more youre giving yourself a tumor worth of stress.
Tell him calmly what you saw and what you did to it and explain how it made you feel/ how you're feeling now and see what he has to say. It could be as simple as she was drunk texting. If he gets defensive and is pissed about you invading his privacy (though technically you did) then there is probably alot more going on. I have a very low tolerance for cheating so his excuse better be damn convincing.

Whatever you do, don't carry on without saying anything like you are. Gather your strength, ask him whats up and gauge his reactions. Your gut instinct is usually right.

[Laren]

You women should always ask befor looking in a mans stuff that way if he says no that's your first clue that something is up
But since you deleted that pic it's going to be hard proving if his cheating or not.

Do not!!!!! "Say we need to talk" there he will put all his defenses up and will probably denie it, casualy start that conversation by stating her name then his reaction will reveal if his cheating or not.

Ps. Hmmmmmmmmmm seems like a booty-call/text if you will.

[lovestruck99]

thank you to both of your responses...

this girls lives in another state so im not worried about them meeting up behind my back while i am at working or something. but she lives in his home state where he visits twice or so a year to see family

[bulrush]

Yes you need to talk to him about it when you are calm, so you don't get all emotional about it. Do you trust him? Can you two talk about anything, even stuff that's embarassing? You need this trust in a committed relationship. You might move in with him but DON'T GET MARRIED until you can totally trust him.

Perhaps he wants to explore multiple partners. Are you ok with that? Are you the jealous type? If so, multiple partners is not for you. What if you both had other patners, but you two were still the primary couple? Something like that takes a lot of trust and communication, something younger people usually do not have developed yet.

[Mathias]

Ps. Hmmmmmmmmmm seems like a booty-call/text if you will.

Absolutely this. Women don't send naked texts without provocation. Period.

[Lulu]

If he has already told you about her sleaziness- chances are she is just expressing more of that. I think he should just make it clear that he is in a relationship now and doesn't want her contacting him anymore. That shouldn't be an issue- doesn't sound like they have a real bonding friendship or anything. Just keep your eyes open to any other questionable behavior on his part. As for her- just another dumb girl. Haven't you had guys send you texts like that before and nothing was going on between the two of you- maybe not pictures but provocative sounding?

[Incognito]

You women should always ask befor looking in a mans stuff that way if he says no that's your first clue that something is up
But since you deleted that pic it's going to be hard proving if his cheating or not.

Do not!!!!! "Say we need to talk" there he will put all his defenses up and will probably denie it, casualy start that conversation by stating her name then his reaction will reveal if his cheating or not.

Ps. Hmmmmmmmmmm seems like a booty-call/text if you will.

This is hilarious ^^^. [Ask] first? Why so that if there is no damning evidence at the time he can make sure there will never be any by promptly deleting texts or pictures? Silly, naive Lauren... If he doesn't have anything to hide then there is no problem. Period. I'm a total advocate of periodic snooping, especially when it comes to boyfriends/girlfriends who keep in contact with members of the opposite sex.

I do agree with the rest of what you said though.

[carl1222]

None of the above ...

Look at it logically. He knows that you look at his text messages. If he were having an affair behind your back, he would either hide his phone or at least tell his mistress not to text him with anything incriminating because you might see it. So the picture was most likely intended for YOU, not for him.

Why would she do it? There are a few possibilities ...

1) She is obsessed with him and is hoping to split you up.
2) They have an occasional (semi-annual) relationship, and she is trying to "out" him to you.
3) She accidentally sent the picture to the wrong contact.
4) There is some unknown context for the picture (did she have a new "butt job"?)
5) It was an ill-conceived joke and she didn't know you might see it.

Here's what you should do ...

Tell your BF about the picture, apologize for having deleted it without telling him, and CALMLY ask him if he knows why she would have sent it. Then shut up throughout his explanation but keep a close eye on his reaction. You should have your answer.

Good luck

Carl.

[Incognito]

None of the above ...

Look at it logically. He knows that you look at his text messages. If he were having an affair behind your back, he would either hide his phone or at least tell his mistress not to text him with anything incriminating because you might see it. So the picture was most likely intended for YOU, not for him.

Why would she do it? There are a few possibilities ...

1) She is obsessed with him and is hoping to split you up.
2) They have an occasional (semi-annual) relationship, and she is trying to "out" him to you.
3) She accidentally sent the picture to the wrong contact.
4) There is some unknown context for the picture (did she have a new "butt job"?)
5) It was an ill-conceived joke and she didn't know you might see it.

Here's what you should do ...

Tell your BF about the picture, apologize for having deleted it without telling him, and CALMLY ask him if he knows why she would have sent it. Then shut up throughout his explanation but keep a close eye on his reaction. You should have your answer.

More naivety. So what you're saying is that no one is stupid enough to have an affair an NOT cover themselves? Please. That is probably the number one way stupid cheaters get caught, by being sloppy. Second, you're assuming that they aren't having an affair, wherein there were rules governing what times pictures/texts should be sent to avoid detection that were disregarded, say, because she was drunk...

Point 2 is irrelevant because it would still be an affair and therefore infidelity. Semi annual is just as bad as weekly or daily. Points 4 and 5 are the stupidest "reasons" that could have been uttered. A butt job? Really? LMFAO an ill conceived joke? Not likely. It sounds more like you are trying to justify this situation in his favor than anything.

Perhaps she should tell her bf about the picture, but apologize for deleting it? You must be smoking something. It was a naked picture of the sender, so no apology is needed. Asking him why she sent it is tantamount to asking him to make up an excuse. I really am amazed at how dense most men are. So many give us (the decent and somewhat sensitive ones) a bad reputation.

[Wakeup]

Look at it logically. He knows that you look at his text messages. If he were having an affair behind your back, he would either hide his phone or at least tell his mistress not to text him with anything incriminating because you might see it. So the picture was most likely intended for YOU, not for him.

^^^Yea.. I guess that's why Tiger Woods didn't bother hiding his cell phone or tell his mistress not to text him with anything incriminating because he wasn't having an affair either? There is NO logic to what you're implying. O.o

Anyway OP, I can't for the life of me understand why you wouldn't have opened the door and said to him: "WTF is this and why is she sending it to you." Then I would have shut up and let him hang himself or explain so that he didn't sound like a back-peddalling circus monkey.

When you hesitate you put obstacles (like fear) in your path and then you have to start threads like this because you don't know how to proceed. Now you're afraid of knowing/getting the answers that you need to know in order to look after your emotional well being. Deleteing it would have been the last thing I did.

I'd tell him what you did. He will now turn it all around on you and give you shit for snooping. It's what most cheaters do when they've been caught. Make it look like what you've found out is your own fault for snooping. I'm sorry this has happened to you.

[Incognito]

@ the OP: Your best bet is to say nothing and observe. If it happens again you'll know that something is definitely going on. Based on the fact that he is keeping in contact with someone who he hooked up with in the past is a red flag in my opinion though. If you don't see anything happening in the next few months it may be time to be more proactive by either asking him why the picture was sent or looking in his phone. Or if you are feeling [that] unsure about his fidelity just dump him and move on to someone who doesn't keep in contact with past hookups where this type of murky situation can come up again.

[Incognito]

Yea.. I guess that's why Tiger Woods didn't bother hiding his cell phone or tell his mistress not to text him with anything incriminating because he wasn't having an affair either? There is NO logic to what you're implying.

THANK YOU!!!! I could kiss you! That earned you a reputation point