Is it wrong to ask a guy why I wasn't very good?

[pepper]

Hey,

So I am not very experienced when it comes to men, especially in terms of sex. I am a virgin but I have made out and fooled around with men. The last guy I was seeing ended up being a jerk at the end and telling me I never got him off. This really bothered me to be told I am lame in the bedroom...he said he kept fooling around with me hoping I would become more comfortable. We are on talking terms again now but I can't get it out of my head how he said I suck. When I was with another guy thats all I could think of. Would it be wrong to ask him why I wasn't that good? I want to get better but it is kind of hard when he wasn't clear about it before.

[Wakeup]

I think He just said that to try and get you to have sex with him, to make you feel bad for not giving it up. Forget what he said and pay attention to who you're making out with, if they're not respecting you or showing you that they care then why would you even want to give them everything but penetration?

He sounds like a immature douche, forget what he said and do it with someone that actually loves you and if, on the odd chance you're not doing what works for him, he'll lovingly guide you on how to do what he likes.

You're fine, just pay attention to who you're with.

[Yet another guy]

Is it wrong to ask a guy why I wasn't very good?

Nothing wrong with that. I recently lost my virginity and have tried to inquire about my performance after the few time's I've got lucky. They just told me that I was good and that I have nothing to worry about but I'm a bit unsure if they were just trying to be nice.
Now, given that he's a jerk and you're not with him anymore, I wouldn't ask him. Instead I would ask whoever you're with now, what he likes. After all, people like different things.

The last guy I was seeing ended up being a jerk at the end and telling me I never got him off.

It should be quite obvious if you've gotten him off or not. If there's white stuff in your hands/on the floor, where ever after you've fooled around, you got him off. If there isn't, you didn't.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Unless the 'fooling around' involved a blowjob, you're not going to get most men off, especially if they're experienced sexually..and even then sometimes you might not be able to. I can stop an orgasm indefinitely while getting a blowjob.

The guy you're speaking was definitely trying to get in your head with those comments that he made. As has been already advised, don't waste your time with people that don't care about you. How old are you?

[pepper]

Well he didn't so much say I didn't get him off. He said being with me didn't really do anything for him.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Yeah...same advice.

[oldskool83]

get naked and put it in...end or story, no one cares after that.

[Wakeup]

Well he didn't so much say I didn't get him off. He said being with me didn't really do anything for him.

Whn he said being with you really didn't do anything for him, he was just being an asshole who was trying to get you back for something. Likely not being able to get you to let him take your virginity.

As I suggested before stop worrying about being "lame in the bedroom" when you're still a bloody Virgin. Concentrate on how they're treating you in general and outside of the bedroom more or you'll just end up with yet another JERK whose only concern is to bust a nut while he give two craps about you.

[devonbrown]

I agree with the others that it was just something he said to get in your head. He either A) wanted to make you feel bad (a douchey move if there ever was one) or B ) he wanted to try to guilt you into having sex with him. I don't even really know why you would want to be talking to that guy any more, to be honest.

Concentrate on the people that treat you well and forget all about those that don't. That will actually help in love and life.

And if all else fails, just figure that the reason you didn't do anything for him is because he must have homosexual urges.

Good luck.

[Jazzersize]

If a guy can't get off it isn't your fault. Something's wrong with him. The reverse isn't necessarily true. Women are complex; but men are like light switches. All it takes is one touch to turn us on.

He's just a little bitch with a limp pecker. Don't let him bring you down, and certainly don't let him ruin your experiences with real men. You may be kind of mediocre due to lack of experience. No shit. What do you expect? Day one: porn star status. Believe me, there's a decent guy out there who'd love nothing more than to practice with you every night until you get it right. And he'll do it without judgement, too. Be comfortable, be confident and have fun. The rest will follow.

[little ramona]

I agree with Wakeup. Always respect yourself enough to be with a guy who likes you for you, not for what you do to him in the bedroom. And when you go out with a guy, never assume you have some kinda "obligation" to get them off or do anything intimate at all. Do whatever feels right for you. I'm glad you didn't put out, that guy was obviously a huge @sshole.

[girl68]

love making like anything else takes practice. good love making for each and every single person is very different.

my ex liked him on top- ONLY. that was his go-to move (and stay-to move) nothing else was "good" in his opinion. would that shit fly for my man now? not a chance in hell. he needs it about 3 different ways each and every session in the sack.

when discussing "good" in bed it's completely different for each partner!

[pepper]

Yeah I thought we were in a casual relationship because I had to go back away to school for the next few months so we didn't do much more than making out. I had known this guy for years and I thought I could trust him. We fooled around countless times for a few months and then I went back away to school. When I came back he told me he just wanted to be friends because I did not do much for him. He said he only kept fooling around with me because he was hoping I would become more comfortable. Yet everytime he would have my clothes off within a few minutes of making out.

[little ramona]

Yeah I thought we were in a casual relationship because I had to go back away to school for the next few months so we didn't do much more than making out. I had known this guy for years and I thought I could trust him. We fooled around countless times for a few months and then I went back away to school. When I came back he told me he just wanted to be friends because I did not do much for him. He said he only kept fooling around with me because he was hoping I would become more comfortable. Yet everytime he would have my clothes off within a few minutes of making out.

...which once again proves that he wanted nothing more than for you to give it up. Honestly I think it's disgusting to play that kinda mindgames just to have some poor virgin believe she's not good enough if she won't go all the way..

[pepper]

Yeah even after he said he just wanted to be friends we fooled around once more. I told him I was starting to have feelings for him and he told me he could never like me. He said we didn't have any chemistry. Yet he used to send me msgs saying he couldn;t wait for me to come home and whatnot.