Am I dating a dancer, or just a good customer?

[archangel]

I have had some "relationships" with dancers before, and they all just went off into dead ends or exploded. I do fall into that category that I don't care what happens in the club, if shes got me in her heart at the end of the night Its all good. Then things happened in my life and I stopped going to Strip Clubs altogether. For almost 10 or so years, but recently got a settlement from a car wreck and decided to celebrate. first dancer I talked to we ended up sitting together. We talked and talked, back and forth for hours and I got a few lap dances ( I did go to celebrate lol). I gave her my number (told her I would be more surprised if she did call than if she didn't.) She did call, but she is playing it very cool (which makes sense) She is a student and dancing to put herself through school. She doesn't go out with customers, she doesn't date customers, she doesn't even call customers. Of course this is all her word (and I have been selectively niaeve *sic in the past so it is hard to rely on that.) But it has gotten to the point that she says she loves me, and we talk about life together. We fit. but my past with women, and dancers in particular makes it hard to trust that what she is saying is true. I want to believe, but I don't want to be played a fool. I have told her I don't mind being a good customer, but don't tag me along making me think something can happen just to keep me interested, when it won't. She said she could see that, and we are still "together". So let me describe together. Never outside the club. (fortunately [or unfortunately for her]) it has been quite dead in the club on weeknights so I go up there and sit with her (and yes get a few dances as well). but she doesn't "hook up" with anyone she meets in the club, outside of the club. Even me.

One night I was in a bit of a funk, and she could tell. I was trying to play it cool but she asked what was wrong, so I had to tell her. I am trying to be patient, but I dont know if I can wait a year and a half for that first kiss. (That is when she graduates). She told me that night I "had" her. I was her man. She keeps telling me that she loves me. And I just need to be patient. (She has trust issues; the first night she said she has been in mostly abusive relationships, and the second week I [just for the hell of it] got her a single rose, and she told me that she never got a flower from a man; EVER) I played the romantic thing for our one month anniversary, small box chocolates, flowers card etc. and had to take them to the club. First thing she asked when she saw me was if I knew what the date was. (I had arranged with the doorgirl and waitress to bring the flowers after we were sitting down.) I played it cool. Things went off without a hitch.

So to sum up it has been a month, still no date, still no sex, (oddly enough I don't mind about that.) not even a kiss. (Makes too much sense since she never sees me outside of the club) When I am at the club she sits with me and doesn't sit with other customers, except for dances. (I even found out from the DJ she does the same thing when I am not there as well) She does not ask me for money, dances or drinks. She does call. Not constantly but every other day or so. but she hasn't given me her number yet. Nothing has changed, except my doubts.

I have trust issues, but I think I have good reason for them considering my past and her job. She said "I got her" again tonight. That she would tell me if things weren't working out. I know this business. I am not worried about the customers; it's her job. I am not worried about "other guys;" she's too busy with school (and tutoring). I am worried that if the money were to run out it would all end. Am I still that gullible? Or just being too impatient?

[whateverworks]

She is just using you......Have more self esteem....sorry I have to be blunt but in my opinion you are lying to your self...TRUST ME SHE HAS NO INTEREST IN YOU WHAT SO EVER...try dating non strippers for a change. All they want is your money $

[archangel]

She is just using you......Have more self esteem....

Funny, that is one of the things she says she doesn't like about me...low self esteem.

[vampiress]

Hate to burst your bubble but, ammm... I think you're the good customer here!
You're going to need some guy's advice on this... Hopefully, I may be wrong.

[archangel]

Hate to burst your bubble but, ammm... I think you're the good customer here!
You're going to need some guy's advice on this... Hopefully, I may be wrong.

I ain't delusional, just hopeful. But the signs point to DUM DUM DUMMMMMM!!

[whateverworks]

she doesnt care about you.....she might feel a little sorry for you in a "he's so pathetic " sort of way.....but I guarantee you and her will never be in a real relationship nor will she ever kiss you...Stop wasting your money

[archangel]

Seems to be the consensus. thanx.

[searock]

Good customer!

[Andariel]

It does sound like she is using you but on the slight chance she is not there is a way to find out: go to the club one last time, tell her that you really like her as a person and would love to spend time with her and get to know her better so that you can explore if you are compatible and if you are both interested in pursuing a relationship. Tell her that you are no longer financially able though to come to the club (this will make it clear to her that you don't have money to waste so if this is what she is looking for I doubt you will ever hear from her again) and that if she wants to see you again to give you a call so that you can go for a coffee or something.

If she calls you after that discussion then she is probably interested. Make it clear that you have enough money to get by but are not by any means wealthy-this way if she has any aspirations of using you for money she won't want to waste her time with you and will move on to the next vitim. If she is cool with that and she calls you and you meet up, chances are she genuinely likes you.

[archangel]

It does sound like she is using you but on the slight chance she is not there is a way to find out: go to the club one last time, tell her that you really like her as a person and would love to spend time with her and get to know her better so that you can explore if you are compatible and if you are both interested in pursuing a relationship. Tell her that you are no longer financially able though to come to the club (this will make it clear to her that you don't have money to waste so if this is what she is looking for I doubt you will ever hear from her again) and that if she wants to see you again to give you a call so that you can go for a coffee or something.

If she calls you after that discussion then she is probably interested. Make it clear that you have enough money to get by but are not by any means wealthy-this way if she has any aspirations of using you for money she won't want to waste her time with you and will move on to the next vitim. If she is cool with that and she calls you and you meet up, chances are she genuinely likes you.

Isn't it strange that issue came up, tonight (ugh last night). Didn't get into that much detail. But it isn't looking good for the home team. Last words to me as she walked off (sheesh sounds like a romance novel) "Stop brooding...you're going to get my call." We will see. Was already going to slow up and see if she came to me, and what for. (even though she never called to talk about the club, ever). I can still try this after the weekend. thanx for the tip. I don't want to be an idiot and make any stupid assumptions, but I don't want to f*** up what has the potential (however slightly) of being the best thing to happen to me in a long, long time. (Damn I never realized I was so long winded). Thanx again for the tip.

[Andariel]

Just be vigilant even if she agrees to the date and you do start hanging out together outside the club-if she starts asking you for money, then you will know you've been played and you will need to end it with her (ie. 'oh, business at the club is really low and I need to pay the next instalement of my tuition fees.Can you lend me some money?I promise I will pay you back blah blah blah'-do NOT offer to pay anything for her or lend her any money.She is an adult and is responsible for herself.).

[archangel]

Just be vigilant even if she agrees to the date and you do start hanging out together outside the club-if she starts asking you for money, then you will know you've been played and you will need to end it with her (ie. 'oh, business at the club is really low and I need to pay the next instalement of my tuition fees.Can you lend me some money?I promise I will pay you back blah blah blah'-do NOT offer to pay anything for her or lend her any money.She is an adult and is responsible for herself.).

That is one thing that is so confusing. She will take my money at the club, but never has she asked for any. For in the club, outside the club, for anything. She even got defensive when I mentioned the (my) money issue, that she never asked etc. (almost a Shakespearean - "The lady doth protest too much" could be a double bluff). And the crux of my predicament.

[Andariel]

Like I said, see what she says when you make it clear you have no money to spend at the club anymore and see if she will want to meet you outside the club after that. Right now she may just be 'grooming' you and this is why she hasn't asked for anything...yet. Once you make it clear that you don't have money falling out of your pockets, you can then see what her reaction will be. If she plays it cool but doesn't meet you then you know she was playing you.If she does call and you meet outside the club and you start really dating (because right now you aren't) it means that she probably genuinely likes you-you still, however, need to be cautious and not fall for the old 'this never happens to me, but I'm in a tough spot right now.Lend me some money and I swear I will pay you back'.

If you do get into a relationship with her be very cautious and if you pick up on any gold-digging behaviour, get out of the relationship immediaqely.

[archangel]

Thanx again! I'll let you know how it goes, (when or if anything happens).

[Andariel]

Good luck!Just be careful! :-)