What would ex think?

**phantom1** · 02-09-11, 06:51 AM

Hi

Ill run through this as quickly as possible.

We went our for 1 and a half years. I broke up with her as I wasn't feeling it was working. In hindsight I sabbotaged the relationship as I had to move back home due to financial difficulties and poor job prospects etc. Which is terrible I know.

Anyway, she chased me for months and we kept in pretty much constant contact. Hanging out. Going to cinema. We kissed. Had sex a few times. Then we went on holiday for 2 weeks (which was booked while we were together)

It really didnt feel like we had broken up. I started to have feelings for her again and I know she had them for me. When we got back from our holiday I wanted to meet up to continue this and make it more official but she got all cold and distant and told me she couldnt see me as she had to get over me and she was seeing someone else.

Shes now dating this guy and I feel like Ive let her slip away. When they started officially going out (via facebook) she text me every day for a week or so. And even sent me a flirty text.

I feel her slipping away now as she wont meet me she just says shes busy.

My real question is I have wrote a love letter explaining how I really feel about her and us being together which is something i never expressed while we were going out but she always did. Should I send it to her? Is it too late? Should I wait for this new relationship to end before doing anything. I dont know if I should go no contact (as we still text from time to time and chat on facebook) If I send it and get no reply then fine, I lose. If I send it I could win her, I mean she did want me for so long? Even if she doesnt she'll know how I feel and in months time she'll know how I really felt if her new relationship doesnt work out.

What would you think if you started seeing a guy (and youre in the honeymoon stage) and your ex who you chased for months and went on an amazing holiday with sent you a love letter like this?

(I've also matured and gotten into shape with excercise and diet and feel great, also my financial problems are almost gone and future on track so its all win win there)

Thanks

**Cerby** · 02-09-11, 07:54 AM

I think its over, she is seeing someone else and if you truly "love" her, then you'll let it go.

She made it clear she doesn't want to be back together right now, so let her give the new guy a shot.

**MerryH** · 02-09-11, 01:20 PM

What would you think if you started seeing a guy (and youre in the honeymoon stage) and your ex who you chased for months and went on an amazing holiday with sent you a love letter like this?

I'd be pretty pissed off. I couldn't even take a letter like that seriously. I'd see it as desperate and a cry for attention.

She chased you for months and you took her for granted. Then she finally moves on and you try to stop her. That's unfair. Maybe you don't really want to be with her, you just don't like the thought of someone else being with her.

**whateverworks** · 02-09-11, 03:56 PM

Well I am in the situation of the girl you are talking about...and for me its not too late. I guess Im saying that if you love her its worth a shot...maybe since you dissappointed her in the past she is scared of it happening again...she might just be using the new guy as a safety net or to try and get over you/ make you jealous (that is the case for me anyways). My ex is a proffessional baseball player and is out of the state and didnt want to commit to a long distance relationship (after we had sex and said we loved eachother) He is still in the picture and I think he wants to be my boyfriend when he gets back (even thinking quitting baseball) if he wrote me a love letter telling me how he really felt I would take him back...even though I am dating some one else right now...i know it sounds mean and selfish but I am not using this other guy I am just trying to see where things go...But my heart is definately with my ex...GO FOR IT!!! Tell her how you feel you will lose nothing and hopefully she will want to get back with you...good luck!

**Andariel** · 02-09-11, 07:26 PM

Originally Posted by phantom1

What would you think if you started seeing a guy (and youre in the honeymoon stage) and your ex who you chased for months and went on an amazing holiday with sent you a love letter like this?

Personally, if I was your ex I wouldn't bother wasting any more time with you. You had pleanty of chances to tell her you wanted to be together again and you even went on a holiday with her and I am sure she was expecting that if there was a chance of ever getting back together that was it.Now she has a new man and she is happy again and is either totally over you or on the way to do so and all of a sudden you say you realise that you want her again.Sounds like you took her for granted and now that you feel she is out of your reach, you remembered that you 'love' her...You are being extremely selfish.If I was her, I wouldn't give you another chance. Who's to say you won't do the same thing to her all over again?She has made a fresh start with someone who knows what he wants and I hope she sticks with her decision.

As for you, you should learn not to play with people's feelings. If you don't want to be with someone anymore don't string them along. Respect them enough to let them move on with their lives without any interference from you.

**ladiesfirst** · 02-09-11, 09:08 PM

If she has moved on to another relationship, you have to let her give it a shot--let her pursue happiness. It's pretty poor form to give a love letter to someone who's seeing somebody else. If they break up soon, you can try swooping in again, but if not, you just need to back off.

**phantom1** · 12-09-11, 04:13 AM

Hey

Thanks for everyones opinion on this. To update I wrote the letter but didnt send it as we agreed to meet and were going to a gig together.

Is this a sign that I still have a chance? I don't know if I should wait til then to tell her how I feel. What do you think.

I also heard that her and her new boyfriend had a big argument recently but I guess couples argue all the time.

Basically I now want to know if I should tell her how I feel or just hope we fall back together naturally. Thanks

**phantom1** · 13-09-11, 03:00 AM

I'd really love some girls advice on this.

We talked today on facebook for a while which was great. Just joking around, I hope she's not trying to put me in the friends zone...

**Mathias** · 13-09-11, 03:08 AM

Why are you pursuing a girl with a boyfriend?

If by some miracle she comes back to you, do you really want to be with a girl who would do that?

**phantom1** · 13-09-11, 04:10 AM

In honesty I think it's a little different, I'm by no means going to push anything on her but we were together for so long it's not that easy.

I mean true love wins over all and all that, if this guy isn't right for her then I should have my second chance. I think a large part of it is trusting me again. I'm just asking for opinions on how to go about it.

**phantom1** · 14-09-11, 04:30 PM

Anyone? Driving me mad

**Mathias** · 14-09-11, 10:30 PM

Originally Posted by phantom1

In honesty I think it's a little different

It's really not.

**Wakeup** · 14-09-11, 10:50 PM

Quit asking for advice on how to steal her from someone else. How would you feel if it was happening to you. You want to steal then figure it out on your own as far as I'm concerned.

I feel sorry for the new guy because she's continuing some relationship boundary crossing actions with you which makes her rather shoddy if you ask me. Actually, you sound like a good match now that I think about it.

Your story is why I always tell people to quit talking/hanging out with an ex.. It's inappropriate and it causes problems with any new relationship you may be in. (even if you're keeping it platonic).

**bulrush** · 14-09-11, 10:53 PM

Anything can happen, and a second chance might work. You can tell her you are interested but I wouldn't interfere more than that, it just makes you look crazy and all stalky.

**phantom1** · 15-09-11, 05:51 AM

Thanks to everyone that replied.

I think there's a few jaded people posting on here who are all up for not doing anything and not fighting for love. Well done to them. Enjoy never know what would have happened if you had at least tried.

I'm by no means going to break them up but I know her very well and she doesn't seem happy. Not saying I definitely the one (as much as I want to be for her) but I'm far too close to her to let this end. If nothing happens and I'm wrong then so be it but I'm at least going to try and let her know how I feel even though she already knows and we both initiate contact (that seems very important on here). If it happens it happens, if not at least I know. She's my friend and the girl I love I'm not going to just give in.

**** you all the people who are very unhelpful with bad attitudes and scorned advice, I'm not asking for false hope NEITHER am I asking you to flame me down. Positive thinking yeah.

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