Ladies - are you attracted to guys who treat you bad?

[ladiesfirst]

OK, I read an article the other day about guys who think they can get a woman into bed by insulting her. The article suggested that guys who do this aren't likely to be successful:

[url=http://www.scienceofrelationships.com/home/2011/8/30/negging-do-women-really-like-guys-who-treat-them-like-crap.html]Science of Relationships - - - Negging: Do Women Really Like Guys Who Treat Them LikeCrap?[/url]

However, I see guys try and pull this all of the time, and some have even tried to pull it on me before! I think I'm smart enough (and respect myself enough) not to fall for something like that, but does this really work on other women?

So, ladies, have guys tried this on you? And what was your response?

[Andariel]

I definitely would not find that attractive at all. If I even bothered responding, it would be something similar to what he had said to me just so that he can get a taste of his own medicine.I am only into guys who treat me with kindness and respect and wouldn't waste a minute of my time with these douchebags who have no idea how to be real men and make a woman feel great!

[searock]

I agree with Andariel. I can't believe some men actually think that would work!

[vashti]

I think it DOES work, but only on girls with very poor self esteem. Men have figured out how to prey on the weakest, and now they are marketing it.

[maxmax]

To be honest, any guy who really thinks that being an insulting prick is the best way to get a girl's attention is just ... well, a prick.

[ladiesfirst]

I think it DOES work, but only on girls with very poor self esteem. Men have figured out how to prey on the weakest, and now they are marketing it.

This is the kind of thing I'm concerned about--that girls who are down on themselves feel like they "deserve" to get treated like crap, so they let guys get away with this kind of behavior. The problem is that this gives guys the impression that this is how they're supposed to treat a woman!

[Vanity]

The first time a man insulted me just to sleep with me, I would leave him. I don't put up with crap like that.

[muddblood]

I know this is ask a female forum, but I'm gonna reply anyway. Guys that do this are users and abusers, and probably only want one thing. They are this way because they don't know any better - probably learned this behavior early on from their parents relationship . And yes, they know how to "read" women and prey on women with low self esteems, and guys like this are very maniulative and controlling and have a way of making these women stay with them until they either get what they want, or find someone to prey on. It really does suck because it gives the good guys (like me) a bad name.

[Wakeup]

Its about teasing and if done correctly it works and it works on those with or without a healthy sense of self-worth. The only difference is that the ones with a healthy sense of self won't stick around long if the banter turns into actually being treated badly through actions. The low of self-worth will.

If done correctly you likely won't even react negatively. To sit here knowing that the technique is being applied is one thing, to be in the midst of it is quite another.

It's like that crush you had on your best friend's older brother.. After hanging at their house long enough he likely teased the crap out of you with possitive putdowns until you thought you loved him. Dad's do the same thing to their daughters in a loving and teasing type demenour. It's in our psychology to try harder or have some kind of a comeback. That's all a self confident guy needs is to get the dialogue started. If a girl doesn't laugh at it then it's not a neg... it's an insult.

What this type of article does do is give the dreaded self proclaimed "nice guy" yet another excuse to say "Why do woman like bad guys."

*ducks*

P.s. That article is a biased assesment from the writer on what "negging" actually is. It's not about "hurling insults." Hurling insults is abuse.

P.P.S.. Even the title of this thread psychologially is manipulative and automatically makes people think that negging is about treating woman badly and woman enjoying the mis-treatment thereby making guys that are not good with woman think that we like assholes who treat us like shit.. Only damaged women like assholes that treat them like shit, women who have only known abuse tend to cling to abuse if they haven't gotten help for their low self-worth because it's the only thing they know.

[Padlock1]

I saw this thread, and figured "why not?". Not a girl, but I have used "negs" before. Now, negging works - it will work on all types of people, the higher the self esteem of someone, the better.

What doesn't work is what most men think is negging. You ask a guy who has heard the term neg what it means, and they'll say "a back-handed insult". So an insult in the shape of a compliment. If done correctly, I can see that working. You lower the girls self esteem but you come off as oblivious and genuine about it, she won't be focused on why you said it because she feels you were actually giving a compliment, though she'll feel insecure by it and is wondering why you're not treating her like most men.

What the issue here is though, is that neg isn't meant to be a back-handed insult. It can come in the shape of one, yes. But what a "neg" is meant to be is a "disqualification of sexual interest", and really this can be done with tone and body language.

The reason it's done, is - if you're the 6th guy to come up to that girl in the club and pretty much scream "I want to have sex with you because you're hot" just by the way you're standing or looking at her. She's going to just ignore you. This happens to her all the time, so she's not got the effort to actually talk to you, and will just get rid of you. However if you're able to, from the get-go, say "i'm not here to have sex with you" with your tone and body language, she's going to actually feel more comfortable with you, and this gives you the opportunity to build attraction and connection with each other.

So, when a guy comes over and says "your hair makes you look fat", they're doing it wrong. But if a guy comes over, ask your opinion on something, and then subtly turn his body direction away from you, he's doing it right.

So, the problem with negs isn't whether or not they would work. It's whether or not the guy actually takes the time to learn what it is. Because most guys just think it means "lightly insult her". When really what it's meant to be doing is letting her know that you're not all for having sex with her (even if he is) yet, and that she has to win him over just as much as he has to win her over.

EDIT: and yeah, just read the previous poster above me. If you give a humerus tone to your neg, to make it look like you're just teasing. Then it's going to be taken the right way. The article not only completely misses what a neg is, but then it just runs 10 miles with the wrong idea of it, making it out to be guys new way of beating women down.

[searock]

The reason it's done, is - if you're the 6th guy to come up to that girl in the club and pretty much scream "I want to have sex with you because you're hot" just by the way you're standing or looking at her. She's going to just ignore you. This happens to her all the time, so she's not got the effort to actually talk to you, and will just get rid of you. However if you're able to, from the get-go, say "i'm not here to have sex with you" with your tone and body language, she's going to actually feel more comfortable with you, and this gives you the opportunity to build attraction and connection with each other.

So, when a guy comes over and says "your hair makes you look fat", they're doing it wrong. But if a guy comes over, ask your opinion on something, and then subtly turn his body direction away from you, he's doing it right.

So, the problem with negs isn't whether or not they would work. It's whether or not the guy actually takes the time to learn what it is. Because most guys just think it means "lightly insult her". When really what it's meant to be doing is letting her know that you're not all for having sex with her (even if he is) yet, and that she has to win him over just as much as he has to win her over.

As a female, it would definitely work for me (but I think the subject of this topic was actually the insulting approach, rather than the one you speak of..?). I mean, if I don't like the guy, it doesn't matter the way he approaches me - I still won't like him of course. But if I do, and if he comes up all "hey you're hot I want to bang you" and winks and all that creepy stuff that men do in clubs, I'll just try to keep as far away as I can from him. Even more so if he insults me, what the heck!?!

...Actually, I find it rather sad that men see the type of approach you speak of as... as a "type of approach", rather than just the normal way to get to know a new person, or stuff. Ugh.

[Wakeup]

Searock: The article is NOT ABOUT WHAT NEGGING actually is. The man that wrote that, I suspect is a dreaded self-proclaimed nice guy without confidence who doesn't have luck with woman and has erroneously suggested that negging is about verbal abuse and insults. It's not at all about that. As I said.. no guy who is up on his "negging technique" would come up to a girl and purposely insult her. It's more about teasing. Maybe Padlock could give a good example, he knows the difference between actually negging and what that tripe article had to say.

I remember a guy at work who was excellent at negging and every woman in the place of about 50 women totally enjoyed his company. He owned any room he walked into. A guys guy and a womans fancy. The couple of woman that 'couldn't stand him" were the ones that he didn't bother engaging because they were such pretentious snobs (no one liked them).. They didn't like him because he ignored them I'm thinking. :o)

(but I think the subject of this topic was actually the insulting approach, rather than the one you speak of..?).

"Negging" is not about insulting. If the woman is insulted then the guys technique is off and it won't work on most women.

P.S. I've said it before and I'll say it again. Women should read some of the stuff by David D'Angelo. Mistery and Strauss so that you know what these pick up artists are teaching the guys that bother to read their stuff. When you know what's happening, it's much easier to keep yourself in control of the situation.

if I don't like the guy, it doesn't matter the way he approaches me -

That is probably the biggest mistake that most woman believe. Often, If a confident guy that is good at negging approaches.. you will soon forget that you didn't exactly find him the most physically attractive guy in the room. Whenever I see a less then physically attractive guy with a hot chick I always assume: There is a guy with game, who has an edge and who doesn't treat her like a princess in waiting.

[searock]

Searock: The article is NOT ABOUT WHAT NEGGING actually is.

Oh, ok . Yeah, then if negging is what Padlock described, I think it's a good approach if you want to get a woman to feel comfortable around you. I still find it sad, though, that it's actually considered a "technique" rather than just the most normal and spontaneous approach when meeting somebody new (even if it's a girl you would enjoy sleeping with).

[Wakeup]

Oh, ok . Yeah, then if negging is what Padlock described, I think it's a good approach if you want to get a woman to feel comfortable around you. I still find it sad, though, that it's actually considered a "technique" rather than just the most normal and spontaneous approach when meeting somebody new (even if it's a girl you would enjoy sleeping with).

The technique is called a "technique" because it's something that doesn't come naturally to so many self-conscious men that have been looked down noses at by princesses who believe they are the queen of the clubbing set. It's no longer a "thechnique" once it becomes their lifestyle. Confidence is a learned trait.. No one is born with it that's why these guys make millions from their "teachings." Unfortunately, once they become so good at it, many times they tend to forget about being monogamous once they have so many options.

[searock]

So basically... insecure men start off by using all sorts of loser techniques and approaches, and only after they realize that none of those really work out and they just make them feel creepy to women, they resort to the most spontaneous and natural and obvious approach... which they call "negging" just because it's in their mindset to consider any type of approach with a beautiful woman to be a "technique", or something? Damn, I wouldn't want to be a man, lol. They would be sooo much better off if they stopped thinking altogether that there were all sorts of "tricks" for "getting girls", and just were spontaneous and themselves from the beginning instead. I hate people who force themselves to act differently than they normally would just in hopes of getting other people to do something.