Am I dating a dancer, or just a good customer?

[devonbrown]

I see this kind of thing much too often. Guys confuse the manipulation inherent in a person's job as something more than what it is. I know not all dancers are the same, but this woman flirts with guys for money. The more she pays attention to you, the more you pay for her dancing, the more you come back to the club, etc. She calls you to keep you on the hook. And she spends time with you in the club because, as you said, it has been dead in there and you are her meal ticket right now. I am sure if you look around, you would notice that other girls are doing similar things to other guys at the club.

Reality - you see her when you go to the club where she dances. You never see her outside the club (in the real world). You don't have her phone number. You bring her gifts and help subsidize her salary. You don't have a relationship. There is no anniversary date. Period.

Since you said you have low self-esteem, you are probably hoping there is something real between the two of you, but there isn't. She is using that low self-esteem to manipulate you. Even if she isn't doing it on purpose, she is doing it. This isn't real.

Do yourself a favor and concentrate on liking yourself. Get involved in other activities and meet real people in the real world.

Good luck.

p.s. - Just to make it clear, there is NO possibility there. Don't even think about it.

[archangel]

I figured as much. That's why I submitted this thread. One doesn't think logically in the "thick of things." Just needed outside perspective to get my head back on straight. Going to play it out though. I know what to expect, but I got nothing better to do with my time AT THE MOMENT.

[archangel]

Good luck!Just be careful! :-)

Amazing what a difference a day or so makes...

I went in early so we could talk before things got busy and I told her tonight that I would not be coming into the club anymore. And exactly why. She was more excited than distraught over that. She said she would continue calling and keep in touch. I told her that the only way she would ever see me again was if she decided to call and meet up. I also told her if we did hook up, I would not be a customer any more, and she smiled at that. When I left she kissed me goodnight. And not 20 minutes after I got home she called just to make sure I made it home okay. Now the ball is in her court. If she EVER says anything about money I'm a ghost. (I have been through that before, [and not a dancer either] and I am well aware of those signs.) I can't lie and say I am not hoping she does call again, but I am still dubious.