Told me its over on friday

[Shivers]

I have been seeing this girl for just over a month, neither of us have ever felt anywhere near the feelings we have for each other. We told each other we loved each other 3 days after meeting, and meant it. The problem is, she lives a 5 hour coach ride away, but we still manage to see each other for 3/4 days every week or so.

But she is finding it hard to trust me. Her previous boyfriends have f***ed her over, and one of them physically abused her. i have been understanding and reassured her that i would never hurt her mentally or physically, and that ill protect her. she often goes into a paranoid mood with me over the smallest things, but i have to reassure that im in this for the long run.

But on friday night the phone conversation turned to her asking me if my ex's ever sent me pictures of themselves. One had, i told her she messaged me them on facebook. She then asked if i had deleted them. I never lie to this girl, so i replied "i may have done, i completely forgot about them so im not sure if they are still there." She wanted me to check and eventaully i found them within the depths of my messages. I have nothing to hide. The photos were sent last december and i broke up with that girl in february, and just forgot about the pictures completely.

My girlfriend hangs up. After loads of texts and a few phone conversations( when she would answer) she says that she cant just back down and take it, that she is not going to be hurt again. And that its over. For the next 4 hours going into the early morning there was alot more texts, and 1 phone call which involved 10 minutes of me talking without any reply until she hung up.

I didnt sleep that whole night, and at around 7:00 in the morning i wrote a 4 page letter explaining everything, and posted it at around 10 in the morning. Now she is rarely replying to any text i send her, although i have stopped sending them mostly because sometimes they can just make things worse.

I have a job interview on monday(uk time) otherwise i would go up to her now. But depending on whether i get it and start, i have promised her that i will go up to see her next weekend, maybe sooner. I told her there is nothing she can say that will stop me and that i am fully prepared for her to just shut the door in my face, but that i love her too much and if i didnt try for the relationship, that i would regret not giving this relationship a chance, for the rest of my life.

I would never even think of cheating on her, but she says she cannot trust me at all and calls me a liar. When we are together we are brilliant but away from each other her paranoia reigns supreme. Any advice for what i should say to her would be appreciated, although im pretty sure my heart has got it all figured out already.

[martial_wolf]

Well if you're pretty dead set on going over there (I wouldn't suggest it unless you have given it about a week for her to calm down) then I would take another look at those photos and see if they have a time stamp. Print out the page and black out the pictures so that you can let her see the date on that for herself. After yo have done that, delete the messages. That's probably the issue! Get rid of them and explain that you don't want them, because she is the only woman you care about. You are with her and only her.

And no matter how angry she gets do not get angry back. It won't help your situation.

[smackie9]

Dude she's not mature enough for a relationship or ready to have one after her bad run of BFs. Everyone has a past. Most people either ignore it, or ask about it out of curiosity and then move on from it. She is using it against you, torturing you and it's not healthy. I doubt very highly she will ever be convinced that you are not like that and you can be trusted. It's gonna keep happening over and over. There are many that have come on here before you with the same issue. They are practically on their hands and knees try to convince them.....some goes as far as to apologizing for their past....which is totally wrong. Some would go as far as saying the SO thrived on the drama and did it on purpose.....unhealthy. I'm kind of suspicions of someone who says her BFs all F ucked her over......you are only getting her side of the story.....she may have been the one that caused all the drama. I don't know the actual name for it but, some behave this way to get attention......cause all this drama, and have you chase after them, controlling you to go to them....making you prove your love. Might be something to look into.....maybe their some mental instability.


I'm going to tell you what's going to happen. You see her, there will be crying, you get back together, things are OK for a week or so, then BAM something else comes up, and the cycle starts all over again.

Go ahead and give it another shot, but if it starts all over again, walk away no matter how much it hurts.

[smackie9]

I want to add before you comment on this.......you cannot possibly know someone in just over a month.......remember love is blind and all logical thinking goes right out the window.......so I hope our perspective helps you get through this.

[Wakeup]

Why would you want to be with a raving beotch that punishes You for the sins of her last bf(s). She's got more baggage than Air Canada and none of it is stored away. You do not "love" her you lust her and you were infatuated with her punnannie.

Forget she exists and find someone who is over their last shit, lives close and is mature enough to tell you to settle down when you tell her you "love" her after three bleeding days.

You don't see it now but very soon you'll Thank your lucky stars she's gone.

[Andariel]

She has issues she needs to work on. She is torturing you for things that are not your fault. She is not ready for a relationship because she has not worked through the issues she has had in the past. As a result, you are being accused of things that not only have you not done but have not even crossed your mind. I hope you appreciate the unfairness of that.

Like smackie9 said, this is not going to stop here: I am sure you will work it out this time but after a while the same thing will happen again-you will work it out once more, and then again and again and again. She needs to be on her own to realise what mistakes she has made in the past, why she has allowed her exes to treat her badly, what attracted her to these types of guys etc-basically, all that stuff one is supposed to reflect on after a break up instead of just saying 'oh, my ex was a jerk, it was all his fault'. Sure in every break up you will usually have one partner who is more at fault, but in each case both partners are at fault. She has not reached that point yet where she is able to accept that.

She will keep torturing you and you will keep apologising until you reach the point that you will start resenting her for it. Take a step back for now, tell her you care for her but cannot deal with this type of behaviour and cannot be with her unless she takes serious steps to deal with her emotional baggage.

[Shivers]

Thanks for all the replies. You are all making a very similar point about the repetitive nature of these arguments, and i will seriously take it into account. I know i am probably in the haze of such an intense relationship but i will think about the points you are making if/when the time comes.

Thanks.

[smackie9]

Oh I know what it's called....passive/aggressive behaviour.....better cut back on the bitch pops lol.