Why he behaved like that? I need your help, please :( (quite long)

[AnnaLucia]

First I gave him space then I gave him the second chance after we split up and he wrote to me again. I gave him support when he needed and was willing to receive it, I told him how much I miss him and how important he is to me. I invited him to my home but he didn't come. I went to meet him but we didn't come. He was telling me that he want to be me and at this same time he was seeing other girl and he thinks he didn't do anything wrong.

Maybe my heart is broken but I don't want it to be broken even more. I can't take it. And for the sake of my heart I won't risk giving my ex the third chance especially if doesn't want it anyway.

But thank you for you opinion anyway.

[Andariel]

Good for you,Annalucia. Keep strong, girl. You deserve better! :-)

[AnnaLucia]

Andariel could you tell me what you think about it:

I'm starting to think he wanted to keep me emotionally attached to him till he finds other girl.

After that message about him sleeping with that girl I wrote to him that I don't wish to speak with him right now and I want to concentrate on my life (I won't tell him how I feel about it since he doesn't care anyway). Then he wrote to me once again saying that he still wants to be my friend, spend time with me as before and he invited me for coffee (I didn't answer for that message). He also said relationship with that other girl isn't serious and she doesn't have any expectations toward him. He said "when we meet we just try to have fun".

My friend said that he probably wants to have lover and wife situation.
He thinks his new girlfriend will give him so called fun when he wants it and without any efforts and I will spend time with him, give him advice, help him, talk about our hobbies (that other girl doesn't have these same interest as him). Do you think it might be true?

[Andariel]

Frist of all, well done for not falling for his crap and for not agreeing to meet up. There is no reason to respond to his text at all. You made it clear you want to concentrate on yourself and that you don't want to be in touch so he ought to have respected that but as you can see the disrespect towards you continues! He thinks that by saying the other girl doesn't mean anything he will manage to convince you to hang on until (if ever) he considers taking you back. This is beyond selfish.He doesn't care taht you suffer and he doesn't care that by stringing you along he is not allowing you to heal. He is a jerk, honey.

Your friend is very right: he is using you and is hoping to have it all: the exciting new liaison and also you, wiating there like faitful Penelope (!) while you are wasting your life away and he is having the time of his life at your expense!

Be strong; don't allow him to drag you back into all this. Do not allow him to use you,You are worth so much better than a selfish, callous and manipulative jerk like him.

Stick to No Contact from now on no matter what he says or does.If he contacts you ignore him, always remember that whatever he is saying is lies in order to manipulate you into being there for him so hat he can take advantage of you.

Be kind to yourself and let your friends/family provide the love and support you need so much. It will be normal during the healing process to have tmes when you feel that you miss him and want him back.Everybody goes through tmes like this during a break up. This does not mean though that you should go back to him or you made a mistake by dumping his sorry arse.On the contrary!You need to acknowledge this is just part of the healing process and to stick to your decision.Thngs will get better for you without him in your life.It takes time and patience.

[AnnaLucia]

Thank you very much for your opinion and support Andariel. You're such a helpful person.
I needed someone to assure me about all of this, leaving my ex for good and not contacting him because it's still so hard to believe he can be such a horrible person after being so loving and caring at first...

[AnnaLucia]

I'm having a very bad day, one of these days when I miss him... I'm crying almost all the time and I'm feeling so useless. I'm going to see my ex on Wednesday at the exam and I'm starting to panic. My feelings are still fresh and I don't know what do. I don't know if I manage to keep calm when I see him, I don't know what to do to keep calm! I'm worried I will start crying or something and I won't manage to concentrate on the exam (and it's so terribly important!).
Help

[Andariel]

All these feelings you are having are normal and the anxiety of seeing him is making things worse. Acknowledge that it is normal to be feeling sad but don't dwell on the good times. Keep reminding yourself of the bad times, that you made the right choice in order to preserve your dignity and sanity.

Seeing him is not going to be the end of the world. Yes, it will be awkward but it does not have to be a devastating experience: stick close to your girlfriends, explain to them how you are feeling and they will be there for you.There is no shame in asking for their support during such a difficult time.They will be more than happy to help you stay away from this idiot. I doubt he will come up to you to talk if you are with your friends. If he doesn't and you spot him, do not go over and talk to him. Just pretend you haven't seen him. Arrive at the exam room just on time for the exam so that you don't linger around before that which would increase your chances of running into him. Leave immediately after your exam and during the exam focus only on the paper in front of you.

In the unlikely event that he talks to you, be polite but firm. Don't let him draw you into a long discussion: stick to a polite hi, how are you and be done with it asap. Say you're doing fine and also have your book with you and pretend you want to have a quick look before the exam.He will take the hint that you are in no mood to talk further.If he says anything about meeting up for a coffee or something just say that I am focusing on myself right now and when the time is right I will give you a ring-I need to foucs on my exam now so we'll talk some other time.Say goodbye and walk away.

[AnnaLucia]

Thanks for quick reply.
Sadly my best female friend won't be there, she had alredy passed this exam. But I asked my best male friend to support me (he is also going to be there). My ex always disliked him so I hope that this friend's presence will somehow keep him away from coming to us and staring conversation with me.

I'm a very emotional person and I hate it so much...

[Andariel]

It will get easier with time. This is first contact so of course it is causing you so much stress. Bringing a friend with you will make things a lot easier.You could even ask him to wait until you finish the exam so you could leave together. Next time you see him it will be easier and so on. With time things will get easier. Stick to no contact and any unavoidable interaction should be kept to a minimun.