Ladies... Am i being played?

[anony_mouse]

Hi,

I love what you have going on here and could really use an un-biased opinion about a 'relationship' i am experiencing issues with. This will be a fairly long story but is indeed a GOOD read. so strap yourself in.

A bit about me. I currently have chronic depression to which i am medicated for and which is managed by the medication. I am not your typical go out there and get laid to anything that moves guy, I have morals and am looking for something meaningful rather than meaningless. I do not do one night stands. I absolutely hate cheaters and liars. I have been cheated on in the past. I treat women with the upmost respect. I am 22. She is 20

I have known this girl now for about 6 months. Have been getting closer / getting to know her for maybe 2-3 months. We are both single

We have basically shared everything. Or so i am told. (yes it is quite intimate the details i know and i don't imagine she tells a lot of people) She has shared deep dark secrets with me she advises only me and 1 other know about. Vice versa.

We see each other on regular occasion and i am constantly getting flirty signals from her both physically and via text.

She has told me numerous times that she 'really really likes me' and that i am 'the guy any girl would be lucky to have'

Now the dilemma.....

Everytime she comes over we are close to the point of being in a relationship. Cuddling up, holding each other. kissing, making out. pecking as we walk past each other. Sleeping in each others arms, etc.

She talks to me as though we ARE in a relationship. She gets jealous if i talk to other girls (just talking to them... She jokes about me hooking up with them.. ultimately checking up on me) which i THOUGHT was a good sign (jealousy means she cares... right?) She also kissed one guy since we have been seeing each other and has apologised over and over again for doing so and regrets it.. I advised he we are still single so thus she can do what she wants.

Now....

I have asked her numerous times over and over again where she stands on us and if she would consider a relationship. She has advised me the following responses. Not in any particular order

* I'm not ready for a relationship right now
* I'm probably going overseas soon so it's not fair on you if we do be together (she has been wanting to go overseas for 2 years for a while now. Is not open to the suggestion of getting a job. settling down and traveling every 6-12 months for a few months until she see's the places she wants to see)
* I don't want to hurt you
* I'm not looking for anything serious
* I really like you but i'm not sure.
* I can't right now. Any girl would be lucky to have you. You're so beautiful/sweet.

I basically let her live her own life and all i ask is that we have the 'relationship stuff' as well as the loyalty that comes with it. Live our own lives still. Follow our own dreams. A typical relationship status right? She still gives me the above answers or tries to change the subject or just doesn't respond when i ask her anymore. I'm not perfect and i in no way care about her imperfections. (not that she has any in my eyes. But all girls are self-conscious) She knows this.

I have advised her previously that she should stop playing me and leave me alone. Unless she is interested in seeing where things go we should stop what we are doing for a while until emotions leave and we just be friends.

She didn't like this. apologised for anything she had done 'unintentially' and basically said she 'really liked me' blah and so on so forth. we are back in the vicious cycle...

LAST NIGHT....

she advised me that she really wants to settle down and have kids as she really wants kids. So i'm thinking. Great... She has made her mind up and wants to give us a go... WRONG! She says (refer to the above choices.. Take your pick)

Today all day she has been messaging me flirty messages, saying that she misses me, wants to see me, wants to come over. etc.... But seriously... Can't have your cake and eat it too right?

What i want is an un-biased opinion on all this.

Is she playing me?? Or what the hell is wrong with her??

Cheers,
(Feel free to pm me if you want to clarify anything or ask here)

[shamandalie]

Hate to break this to you sweetie, but you're being played big time. Now I don't know if she's interested in someone else (keeping you as a back-up) but she's obviously not taking you seriously. She probably likes you cause she's loving the attention. Her jealousy is not necessarily a good sign since she's been off kissing other guys as well. To me this type of thing only says she wants you to be hooked, wants you all to herself but doesn't wanna give her own freedom away. She's afraid of commitment. Frankly, I think she's way too immature for you. Leave her be and find a girl who appreciates you for the great guy you are and takes you seriously. With this girl you've got a ticket to nowhere.

[anony_mouse]

Hate to break this to you sweetie, but you're being played big time. Now I don't know if she's interested in someone else (keeping you as a back-up) but she's obviously not taking you seriously. She probably likes you cause she's loving the attention. Her jealousy is not necessarily a good sign since she's been off kissing other guys as well. To me this type of thing only says she wants you to be hooked, wants you all to herself but doesn't wanna give her own freedom away. She's afraid of commitment. Frankly, I think she's way too immature for you. Leave her be and find a girl who appreciates you for the great guy you are and takes you seriously. With this girl you've got a ticket to nowhere.

Thankyou very much for taking the time to read and reply.

I am taking your advice onboard believe me and am starting to see what you are saying now (call it me being blind before)

I would still be interested to know what other people think and as well as how they would go about handling something like this. How should i approach this? or should i just tell her to f off and be done with it?

[girl68]

I second. You're being played for a fool.

When a girl "really really likes" a guy she does not make excuses to not be with him. She'd make every excuse to spend more time with you.

Sham also hits the nail on the head saying she's just basking in your undivided attention. She wants all your attention because let's face it being the center of someones world feels good. I'd also place a very good bet on the fact that at any time a guy whom she actually likes hit on her, she'd leave you in the dust so fast you wouldn't even have time to blink.

I disagree that you're "backup" though I don't think you're back up. You're more like "until someone better comes along, you'll do".

Ditch her and tell her why.... I know how this game works... I played this game many, many times. Then I grew up.

[anony_mouse]

I second. You're being played for a fool.

When a girl "really really likes" a guy she does not make excuses to not be with him. She'd make every excuse to spend more time with you.

Sham also hits the nail on the head saying she's just basking in your undivided attention. She wants all your attention because let's face it being the center of someones world feels good. I'd also place a very good bet on the fact that at any time a guy whom she actually likes hit on her, she'd leave you in the dust so fast you wouldn't even have time to blink.

I disagree that you're "backup" though I don't think you're back up. You're more like "until someone better comes along, you'll do".

Ditch her and tell her why.... I know how this game works... I played this game many, many times. Then I grew up.

Cool.. 2 is enough for me.

Soiya later to her

Thankyou all for your input.. Sometimes we are just blind until we hear others views on the matter. Now i am clear headed on the situation.

[girl68]

BTW, the mintue you try to ditch her she's gonna try to convince you not to. And still will try to be a part of your life. Be prepared to simply just walk away and have nothing more to do with her.

You always want what you can't have and she'll want you back when you try and leave.

[Kyrina]

No one wants to be alone and she definetly doesnt the advice above is spot on, you already know what she is doing and just needed them to clarify it.The trouble is while this creature is in your life your not open for someone who can really benefit you and by dumping her self indulgant ass your making yourself free.
But you are both looking for a different relationship and when she's abroad she will meet other men and your going to be left by the phone forgotten.
You really dont have a choice but to dump her being her security blanket will only make your depression worse.Get rid of her fast and permanent you read as a nice guy and as a nice girl we like you guys are fed up of cleaning up the baggage left from arrogant self indulgent barbies.
Damn these girls that treat men like blankets ruin them spit them out when they have something they think is better and are to blind to see the good one is sat in front of you all the time.