Boyfriend Pulling Away

[amyg091]

I am 20, my boyfriend is 21. WE've been together for 4 months. It's a serious relationship, regardless of length. We've said we love each other, we're monogamous, we've talked about living together in the future, and even talked about marriage sometime in the distant future. Things were going great, we had just taken a weekend away together, and it was just wonderful. A few days after we got back he told me that he felt like he was losing control, needed to get used to having to "check in" with someone. I told him I understood.
On top of that, he hasn't been working for a short while, he just had to put his dog of 14 years down, his best friends dad just found out he has lung cancer...it all comes at once! I understand that he is frustrated and feeling vulnerable. PLUS he was engaged once before, a few years ago, but his ex fiance cheated on him while he was away in the navy. So...some trust issues. I had the same. My first serious relationship ended the same way. Plus when we first started dating there were guys in my group that I'd had history with. We had our fight over that a while back and I don't see any of them anymore. I'm fine with that. I don't miss it. When I thought "would i be friends with them in 5 years? is it worth it to worry him by being around other guys?" No on both counts. I love him. This past weekend, I went out to see him and he had said he wanted to see me the next day. Then later that night he texted me saying he was worried I may be talking to other boys at school or something. I told him how much I loved him and he responded with "I don't know what to think sweetie." Then I didn't hear from him for a day and a half. And when he did text me it was just a "hey babe whatcha up to" text. Then nothing again for a day.
So...everyone I talk to says he needs some space to figure out his feelings, and time to miss me I suppose. So, Do I not text him? Is that giving him space or is that being uncaring? It's such a ifne line. I guess does anyone have experience with this? Any promising endings? I know he loves me. I want him to know that I am here for him and that I'm not going anywhere. I know how loving and caring he is, and how he can take care of me. He's done this since the day I met him. It's just lately he's been in this funk. I guess I could use some general advice. Is not texting him the right response?

[bloodtippedrose]

Honestly with only four months of dating I would have my guard up hearing this news. You're suppose to be in the amazing honeymoon stages of a relationship right now, not needing "space." So, without knowing all the story, I can only assume that either you are being very smothering to him, he is interested in someone else or interested in being single, or he feels like this relationship is moving very fast or getting very serious and he's sort of scared.
I defiantly would not text him during this time unless he texts you and don't overload his phone with replies. Whatever his reason is he needs space.

[bulrush]

Then later that night he texted me saying he was worried I may be talking to other boys at school or something. I told him how much I loved him and he responded with "I don't know what to think sweetie." Then I didn't hear from him for a day and a half.

You bolluxed that one. You should have said "I'm not interested in anyone but you."

If he needs space, give him space, and maybe text him every other day with a short text that shows you care, without being smothering. Young guys need more space and need more freedom. It's just the way it is. I'm older (early 40s) and I love spending time with my current gf, but I was young once and needed time away from the gf too.

Give him space but MAINTAIN the relationship and keep telling him you are thinking of him, he's special, and you care about him and his needs.

And you didn't even mention sex, which is the #1 important thing to guys that age. Is he getting enough sex? Did he say that he is? Is he happy with the sex? Not enough sex = no relationship.

[nestorz]

Same thing happened/is happening to me...

Let him go and be on his own, if he returns it's great, if he doesn't, well then it would work out anyway.

It's hard, very hard but you have to keep NC and just see what happens.

[bulrush]

I disagree with "no contact". He might think you dumped him. That's why I said occasional contact once every 2-3 days. And when you do contact him, make sure you indicate your relationship with him is still important. Say you are still interested in him, he makes you feel happy and content, you like being with him, you can't wait to see him, you like when he hugs you, etc.

[nestorz]

As long as you contact him, he won't be able to miss you...

Maybe I'm wrong, but I got burned before by contacting when I shouldn't have.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I think limited contact would work in this situation. Don't initiate any contact with him. Make him initiate all contact, but respond promptly and positively. When you chase something, it runs...back off hard, and let him come to you.

[amyg091]

Well I've cut back on texting him. When he has texted me, I respond right away. It's usually just one quick text a day from him, if that. But they are always very sweet.
I am trying to let him know i am still here for him and tha tI love him, without being too needy. ya know?
As for sex, I"m pretty sure he was quite satisfied. haha We've had a very very healthy sex life.