Should I ask her out?

[TJDVAN]

Hi all,

This is a very simple question really but I am very interested to hear the opinions of women. Basically, three months ago, my ex left me after a two-and-a-half-year relationship that was about as deep as it could have been. We even moved to a foreign country together 9 months ago to try to set up a permanent life together. It was in no way a casual thing. And when she left it broke my heart even though I was forced to concede that we were not doing well together and the future looked rough however we played things.

So, anyway, for the 10 weeks or so since she left, I have spent 99% of my time grieving for what I saw as a terrible loss. I have gone through all the classic emotions. It has been awful, the worst time of my life. But there have been signs the past couple of weeks that the mist is starting to clear. I have found myself laughing at things again, and wanting to spend time outside my apartment. These are only small things but the improvement is very real.

So, today, while helping a colleague out at University, I bumped into a girl I taught when I was a TA two years ago. She is still studying (with a couple of years to go before graduation) now and I am working in her area of interest as a project researcher. I always liked her (we have shared interests outside schoolwork) and we have always enjoyed talking to one another about a lot of different things. Importantly, although never mentioned, there has always been a little flicker of chemistry between us, and I must admit I was shocked and really happy to see her again today (not seen her in just over a year).

So this is my dilemma - I don't honestly feel ready to pursue anything yet, but I have genuinely been surprised by my own reaction to seeing this girl today. I have (obviously) been thinking about her a little bit, and just wonder if I might regret not asking her out. She doesn't now me very well at all, and of course might not be interested, but I wonder if you think I should just bite the bullet and see if she might like to do something low-key and relaxed.

Would it be unfair of me to think about dating her when I am probably not ready for another relationship, or is it OK for me to ask her out as long as I make it clear that it would be a slow thing if she fancied spending some time with me?

I am generally a very positive person and although I don't believe in fate, I do believe life should be lived and chances should be taken. I suppose I also feel that although I might not be 100% ready for more commitment, I have also spent a very sad few months (just before and after my break-up) and feel I deserve a little fun with someone I would like to get to know.

Answers please!?

[bloodtippedrose]

I would ask the girl to hang out casually, as friends. Have a good time just enjoying her company. You don't have to be her boyfriend to hang out with her.
The best thing you can do for yourself right now is surround yourself with those who make you happy, to help forget about your ex.