I cant see a way out...

[Andy22]

So i posted a while back about a girl i had fallen pretty hard for a while back and things have kinda come to a head, and right now i just dont know how to handle it. I'll try and keep it as short a possible but its kinda complicated!

So yeh like i said i met this girl just over a year ago and since then we've grown pretty close, i think since we met, theres only been a couple of occasions where we havent spoken everyday. We live about an hour apart so we cant see eachother as often as we'd like, but still get to see eachother a fair bit and when we are together its amazing! Like i said i knew pretty much straight away that she was special and had been debating for a while whether to tell her. Then, one night we were out and she said she had something to tell me, which was that she had been on a couple of dates with someone, but felt really guilty but didnt know why. And that she would stop seeing him if it meant that our friendship might be ruined. After the sinking, sick feeling i figured i should tell her my feelings, and over the next fews days we spoke more about it and i actually told her that i loved her. Naturally, she was kinda shocked but said that she knew i felt something for her. Somehow we spent that night together, just in case i wasnt confused enough! Anyway we left eachother on the pretense that we were in no rush and would see what happens...

Fast forward a few months and she says that she thinks we should just been friends, that she doesnt want to keep me hanging on and that she doesnt htink she can give me what i want. This has just come as such a shock, theres so many things i dont understand. She also said that she thinks i put her on a pedestal, which makes no sense to me at all?! is that a bad? And if i do, its just because i think she deserves to see how amazing she is! As i was going home, i get a message saying she really cant lose me and doesnt know whether shes made the right decision. However, as i thought, i think tht might have just been a reaction to the moment.

I dont know what sort of advice im hoping for, i just need something. I cant think of anything else. Theres so many things i dont get, i dont see why, when we've both said we have this connection, why she wouldnt want to give it a shot? I dont get how she can just carry on like nothings happened or how she can expect me to be normal? I dont know what to do, i cant face the thoguht that she wont be in my life, yet the thought of not being with her is like a pain ive never felt, i honestly wouldnt wish it on anyone. I know everyone says you'll find someone better, but this time im really not sure, and i know you cant make someone feel something, but isnt there something about fighting for the person you love?

I duno theres so much more i could say, i just really could use some help on this. I really dont think this will get any easier.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Tell her that friendship is not an option right now, and might never be. Tell her not to contact you anymore unless she decides she wants to give a relationship with you a try, and that you want to move on from her. This will show her that you aren't putting her on the pedestal and you're not at her beckon call. She was basically saying that you like her too much, and you sound like a clingy guy. Drop her, and show her that you're not. I bet she will come back, just be a little distant and don't seem so eager. She was probably scared that you'll want to get married and all that nonsense really quickly.

[Blahblahblah19]

Her almost robot like reaction may be her exterior to her pain. Try to remember that if you felt something, she did too, whether she chooses to ignore it or not. Just be careful with her because it seems that you are willing to do almost anything for her which can make you blind to anything she might do. However, I firmly believe in fighting for the one you love. There is a certain quality I have realized about myself that she may have too. She may have, I guess it could be called "commitment issues", but not in the loving way. For me, when I get very close to someone, I push them away when things get to personal open so that they can't push me away first. Like a sort of protection so that I won't get hurt. She may feel as though you may like her now, but it won't be long until you change your mind. So if you're sure you want to be with this girl, then make sure she knows that, don't just assume it.

[smackie9]

First mistake, never be friends with a girl. If you like a girl, get along well after meeting a few times, ask her out on a date. If she give you excuses like, not now I just got out of a bad relationship, my last BF was a jerk, I,m not looking (that's BS they are always looking), too busy, have exams, blah blah blah, it`s a big fat NO! NOT INTERESTED!

Watch out for comments like "Oh any girl would be happy to have you for their BF" or "You would make a great BF (but not for her). She's is desperately trying to push that interest away from herself.

Guess what, you have it all wrong....girls hate it when you kiss the ground they walk on or put them up on a pedestal....you look like a bloody wuss and not a man.

Lastly never ever express your feelings like a sop to a girl you are not even in a sexual relationship with. It's like bug repellant...big fat turn off.

Girls can be emotionally attached to you, and NOT sexually interested in you. She is using you as her emotional tampon ( a stand in BF without benefits) till she meets a guy who she is sexually attracted to. Just because she gets along with you, calls and texts you all the time, and tells you all her little secrets, doesn't mean she wants you as a sexual interest.

To clarify please read the Ladder theory. [url=http://laddertheory.com/]The Ladder Theory[/url]

[Andy22]

Thanks for the replies..

I dont want this to sound like its falling on deaf ears, because theres a big part of me that thinks i need to hear the hard truth. But, and this is something ive never understood, ive heard countless times that girls what to be 'made to feel special' etc, so how is being complimented not a good thing? I cant seem to strike the balance between looking like i dont care or being to full on? As it happens i dont think i have been particularly clingy...there have been numerous occassions over the months where we have both agreed that its difficult not to talk to eachother. You mention about her just using me till a better guy comes along, and thats something i continuously think about, but dont you not think theres something to be said about the fact that she did go on a couple dates with someone and called it off because of me?

This last week i have been trying to figure out what to do, and actually havent spoken to her properly since the weekend, but shes sent me a few messages saying why arent i tlaking etc...im not really sure what i should say to that. But just these few days we havent spoken has been pretty hard...i feel bad that im not replying!

As far as making sure she knows that how i feel...i think its safe to say ive made my feelings pretty clear.

Just so i have this clear in my own head then, the best option for me is to cut her out? and see what happens? even if that means i lose her?

[bulrush]

1. Tell the girl she is pretty, max one compliment a day, in an offhand way. Any more than that is putting her on a pedestal.

2.

and that she doesnt htink she can give me what i want.

She is not interested because you 2 have different goals right now. You both sound young, and she just wants to date, not fall in love. So, you didn't do anything wrong, she is just not the person who moves that fast.

How would you feel if a girl told you she was in love with you, before you felt the same? Would you feel a bit smothered? Shocked? Rushed?