im ready to run but need advice

[waiting]

ok here is the whole situation, i am married and have been since 2005. i have two children, 5 and 2 y/0, and a step daughter who we have full custody of. my husband has always hit me, abused me emotionally, mentally, he lies about everything. he has cheated on me, and he does drugs, that is the root of all of the problems. he has been in and out of jail since i can remember. he has to go back to do weekends at the end of this month. he has threatend to kill me, he has choked me, blackend my eyes, bruises, not worked, we have always been on the virge of loosing our rent house, truck, lights and have lost all of these in the past. just typing this and seeing what it looks like in front of my face is awful. i think i am in shock at how my life has turned out. i never thought marriage was going to be like this. i really meant everyone of my vows and had all of the dreams of a happy family. they have all been destroyed. my self esteem is so low now. i just graduated college and will finally be able to take care of my kids on my own, but i just wanted to make sure that running was the right thing to do. i dont have anybody to stand up for me and make this stop. my dad is a drug addict who dosent care and my only brother is dead too. i just feel lost. i have prayed and cried and begged for all these years, and im still here. i cant live this life anymore the way it is going. he is high right now and passed out. no love just lies and drugs. that is his family. he doesnt want help. i signed us up for marriage counseling at my church and he never went, i went alone. im always the one trying to fix things, and making the plans for things to work when he is the one destroying my family. please some advice, im needing some opinions, im not the fun loving person i was when i got married. i am angry, paranoid, even was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder because when i would be at work or school and he would be high, i would have no idea what i was in for when i got home, i was scared to go home. had to sleep with my keys, and what little money i had. im tired of living like this. somethings got to give and i hope it is not my sanity

[bluesummer]

Omg, do you have some family or friends that would support you? You definitely need to get away from this man right away. Being abused is not okay, and it's damaging to your children's perception of healthy relationships if they see that Dad abusing Mom is a regular and normal thing. I hope he doesn't abuse his kids?

Get a restraining order and go somewhere safe that he doesn't know about. Someone that would threaten to kill you shouldn't be taken lightly, but you definitely shouldn't be in that house, and neither should your kids. There was a person not too far from here who was pissed off with his ex-partner and while she was away he killed all three of their kids to hurt HER. Do you see why I feel this is a dangerous situation? Hell, forget the restraining order, those do nothing. Leave and file abuse charges and threatening you with death. Think about your kids.

[IndiReloaded]

If you can't leave for your own sake, think of your children. Can't you find the strength to leave for them?? You know from your own childhood there is nothing worse than a parent who won't do what is right for his/her kids.

You obviously have access to a computer. Search for info about local women's shelters and take yourself and your kids there RIGHT NOW. You don't live in a 3rd world country, there are resources to help women like you. You just have to find the courage to do what you must.

[Benni]

Gather up those children and get out NOW! As suggested above-- find a women's shelter, you can ask your local police department for information and help. Also any Family and Children's organizations will offer help and suggestions.

[Kyrina]

Waiting, you you have no one well you do, we can hear you but you also have your church.Talk to your pastor he should help you he will suggest and maybe call.The police well i dont know your laws but i do know that you need to get out. You need to leave cover your tracks and be gone from your state not just the town.This guy is the worse kind to be near, i cant urge you enough to go to the pastor even if your not overly religious they will hopefully help you but you need to be prepared to drop all contact from your family,his child you have custody over, can theygo back to their mother or some other relative i know its hard to pack them off but your worthless husband can claim kidnap, then you are easier fount.
Please try the pastor first i will send you a friend request via LF but we are all helpful here.Take care of you, you may not feel important at the moment but you are.

[Lifetime]

Of course you'd be right for leaving, I don't even see how that can be questioned. I would also suggest making sure he has zero custody of your children, if you're not around to beat on, then who's to say he won't take it out on them? Get out of there now.