I am about to be engaged but not yet, is it ok to see other guys?

[lovelysoul]

ok, im 23 years old and i have a boyfriend for about 3 months now who lives in a whole different country, i went to go visit him and he wanted to propose but couldn't yet because in my culture its different how we do it. the guy has to be at least established like having a job or a place to stay before he considers having a wife. and he is a graduate student, just graduated from college and hes 24 yrs old. im also a coledge student as well but not yet graduated. anyways we have agreed to marry each other but not yet until her starts working and have something for him self which will take at least a year or two. in order for him to propose he has to see my father and whatever i don't wanna get into when whole tradition stuff. but anyways i have to save my body for him until hes ready and propose and what really sucks about it is we live so far away from eachother the only way we talk is through phone calls which gets expensive after a while. i do love him and i wanna wait but i get a little lonely at times. there is a guy in my school i like and he wants to go out with me. i like him but not enough to want to be with him just satisfy my needs. is it ok for me to do that or do i just stay idol, faithful to my man until when i see him again which will be like in a year time?

please help because im so so so so tempted to sleep with this other guy.

[MerryH]

Well, you see, in our culture, if you have a boyfriend and agree to marry him, then that means you don't sleep with other men.

But if you do want to sleep with other men, that's okay! Just break up with your boyfriend first. It's tradition.

[nerdy_guy]

hmmm.... Never thought real love is below sexual needs

[lovelysoul]

he is my child hood friend and we have known each other for a while but we were never together only three months ago he tells me how he feels about me and how he wants to marry me. i care for him and i want to be with him but i don't think its love yet. im not the kind of person that believes in love in first sight but i do believe that love can grow. i mean before you love some one it first starts with "hey, i like this person" right? you don't just fall right into it at least that's my opinion. anyways i want o be with him, i want to see him but its not possible because of the situation were in right now. but i don't know what to do, im so tempted to mess with this other guy but at the same time i'm also scared of messing things up or may be accidentally catching feelings or something or maybe hurting the other guy. i live by my self and most times i'm at my apartment by my self working on my comics but at the end of the day i realize i need a lil company. i do go out wen i have time and i do have a part time job but when i come back to my apartment it just reminds me of how empty my life is.

[nerdy_guy]

I don't understand the basis of you wanting him if you don't love him. Is there really such thing as "I want you, I will marry you, but I'm not yet sure if I love you". That is really messed up.

--Edit

I also believe that love can grow. But not on the basis that I'm screwing with someone else with letting it grow.

[bulrush]

If you agreed to get engaged, then you cannot date other men. This means you are committed to your boyfriend. That's what the American tradition is.

If you want to date other men, tell your boyfriend your intentions and let him decide if he wants to stay with you or not. By being honest, both parties can eventually be happy, somehow.

[Wakeup]

he is my child hood friend and we have known each other for a while but we were never together only three months ago he tells me how he feels about me and how he wants to marry me. i care for him and i want to be with him but i don't think its love yet. im not the kind of person that believes in love in first sight but i do believe that love can grow. i mean before you love some one it first starts with "hey, i like this person" right? you don't just fall right into it at least that's my opinion. anyways i want o be with him, i want to see him but its not possible because of the situation were in right now. but i don't know what to do, im so tempted to mess with this other guy but at the same time i'm also scared of messing things up or may be accidentally catching feelings or something or maybe hurting the other guy. i live by my self and most times i'm at my apartment by my self working on my comics but at the end of the day i realize i need a lil company. i do go out wen i have time and i do have a part time job but when i come back to my apartment it just reminds me of how empty my life is.

There's a very simple solution to your indicision. You ask your so called bf if he is wanting sexual exclusivity and if he says yes, then you decide if you can honour his wishes or not. If you can, then so be it. If you don't think you can then you don't be his gf. If he says it's fine to fk other guys, then please be honest with whom you will be screwing that you are engaged to be married and that anything you have with them will simply be casual, no strings.

I had a friend who was very hurt when a woman of your "culture" used him without disclosing that she was engaged until the weekend of her arranged wedding. Her karma was not pretty.

[devonbrown]

Perhaps it is just me, but I don't see a whole lot of difference between being "engaged to be married" and "agreeing to be engaged to be married." An engagement is just an agreement to get married anyway. So you are agreeing to have an agreement... Isn't that all just one agreement then? Thus, all one engagement?

Stop playing semantics and be honest with yourself. You want to screw around with other guys because you don't feel ready to be in a serious commitment. That is fine, just see it for what it is. That feeling isn't going to magically go away when you get married, so you might as well deal with it now.

Good luck.