have been cheated on

[vampiress]

People (and I have been a cheater in the past and know this to be true) only cheat when they are unhappy in their relationship.

That's complete bullshit... and you know it. I'd really appreciate it if you quite the Dr. Phil attitude!

[vampiress]

It's weird but I almost wish my ex had cheated on me, because I would have had 'closure'.

At the moment, she gave me some wishy washy excuse that her feelings had changed. If they had, then they can change back right? So it keeps me hanging on.

Being cheated on doesn't give you closure!... huh... it leaves you with millions of question marks... and a bitter sense of loss and betrayal... you wouldn't want that?

[TJDVAN]

vampiress - don't want to get into a debate on someone else's thread but wonder if you could expand a bit?

Please tell me why anyone would feel insecure enough to cheat if they are happily in love with the person they are with. I'm not some preachy person who thinks he knows it all, by the way - clearly I don't. I just suspect most people that say they are in love but still cheat don't really know what it is like to be in love with someone and put them above everything else.

I have looked at this situation from both sides personally, as well as knowing countless friends and family members who have been affected by infidelity. Not one of those scenarios played out when both people were fully invested in a loving relationship, even if it appeared they were to those looking in from the outside.

Simmo - really apologies for taking over your thread. I'll say no more, apart from good luck getting over the hurt. It does take a long time, and there will likely be a part of you that never understands. You will let it go in the future, though, and that is what you must look forward to.

[doodie182]

Hey. I'm just going to say that I really feel for you. I have been through something similar and the pain never seems to go away. It's probably not going to help much, but I promise you that you will feel better in time. You need to keep yourself busy doing things you enjoy. I've been having a tough time lately, so I've started walking my dog for at least an hour a day somewhere peaceful. I have promised myself I will continue to do so, because it really, really helps and I feel so much better afterwards. As much as you want to, sleeping all day will make you feel worse. You need to get out there, even if you don't feel like it. Remind yourself that you do not need a girl like that, someone willing to lie and cheat, in your life, and pity the next person she inflicts herself upon and smile that you got away from such a person. You deserve better, and by doing this to yourself, you are letting her 'win' in some respects. It's hard, but smile that you are the better person and it is no fault of yours that caused it. She had the problem, not you. You had the strength and courage to get rid of her, so feed off that same courage and believe that you can get through this. If you ever want someone to vent to, please feel free to message me anytime! Best of luck.

[HeartIsAching]

vampiress - don't want to get into a debate on someone else's thread but wonder if you could expand a bit?

Please tell me why anyone would feel insecure enough to cheat if they are happily in love with the person they are with. I'm not some preachy person who thinks he knows it all, by the way - clearly I don't. I just suspect most people that say they are in love but still cheat don't really know what it is like to be in love with someone and put them above everything else.

I have looked at this situation from both sides personally, as well as knowing countless friends and family members who have been affected by infidelity. Not one of those scenarios played out when both people were fully invested in a loving relationship, even if it appeared they were to those looking in from the outside.

Simmo - really apologies for taking over your thread. I'll say no more, apart from good luck getting over the hurt. It does take a long time, and there will likely be a part of you that never understands. You will let it go in the future, though, and that is what you must look forward to.

Has nothing to do with the happiness/satisfaction level of your current relationship. I did it numerous times. T'was nothing but insecurity.

Insecurity has nothing at all to do with whether or not you have anything to feel insecure about, BTW. Most don't, but do anyway.

[simmo]

I am going out there and socializing, but I've noticed that I'm just not good at socializing anymore. My world has been turned upside down. I'm considering posting a topic about it in personal development. As for keeping busy I'm a student so I'm pretty busy. I don't have urges to sleep all day anymore unless it's because of school work.

I really do appreciate all the support. I really do.

[vampiress]

I am going out there and socializing, but I've noticed that I'm just not good at socializing anymore. My world has been turned upside down. I'm considering posting a topic about it in personal development. As for keeping busy I'm a student so I'm pretty busy. I don't have urges to sleep all day anymore unless it's because of school work.

I really do appreciate all the support. I really do.

Well, I did stay in bed for almost a week.. Until everyone I know got involved in the situation ... Being around people is your best chance to get over it! But be careful not to hurt yourself over the matter .. I have insomnia now and don't get proper sleep...and a family with urges to kill the ex-fiancé to add to it...
You'd think I'm only lucky to have family and friends ... But I'll tell you. It's no good making them all worried about your mental health !?

[simmo]

sooo interesting experience today. She called me up. I was kind of taken back but decided "ok, what the hell I'll answer." So I did, and what a trip. We were talking about issues in our past relationship and I was wondering why the hell we were talking about any of this. And out of no where she starts accusing me of harassing her. In the middle of her yapping about it I just hung up on her. 1) I have no idea where she got that from because I've done NC for about a month. 2) She contacted me. 3) She has no right to accuse me of anything after everything she has put me through. I'm still unsure as to what her actual intentions were. Maybe she got upset that I was actually over her crap and not taking it anymore? Anyway after the random explosion and me hanging up I felt more free and a feeling of "I'm so glad I don't have to put up with that anymore" came over me. It was great. She only reenforced my barrier against her.

conclusion: I'm pretty sure she has borderline personality disorder, and I'm blocking her number tomorrow. YAY ME.

[vampiress]

Congratulations! you've got your closure?! ...

[smackie9]

sooo interesting experience today. She called me up. I was kind of taken back but decided "ok, what the hell I'll answer." So I did, and what a trip. We were talking about issues in our past relationship and I was wondering why the hell we were talking about any of this. And out of no where she starts accusing me of harassing her. In the middle of her yapping about it I just hung up on her. 1) I have no idea where she got that from because I've done NC for about a month. 2) She contacted me. 3) She has no right to accuse me of anything after everything she has put me through. I'm still unsure as to what her actual intentions were. Maybe she got upset that I was actually over her crap and not taking it anymore? Anyway after the random explosion and me hanging up I felt more free and a feeling of "I'm so glad I don't have to put up with that anymore" came over me. It was great. She only reenforced my barrier against her.

conclusion: I'm pretty sure she has borderline personality disorder, and I'm blocking her number tomorrow. YAY ME.

Im assuming she means you went around and told everyone what she did, dragging he name through the mud to all your friends, family and whomever else.

[vampiress]

Im assuming she means you went around and told everyone what she did, dragging he name through the mud to all your friends, family and whomever else.

Why not?! isn't she the one who cheated in the first place?! .....

[simmo]

Im assuming she means you went around and told everyone what she did, dragging he name through the mud to all your friends, family and whomever else.

nah that already happened. Everyone already knows and has for awhile. She somehow was trying to say I was over the phone. Which was ridiculous, and why I just hung up on her.

[vampiress]

nah that already happened. Everyone already knows and has for awhile. She somehow was trying to say I was over the phone. Which was ridiculous, and why I just hung up on her.

You should've never answered that phone by the way... Just let it go ... Don't give her the satisfaction of hearing your voice ever again..

[smackie9]

nah that already happened. Everyone already knows and has for awhile. She somehow was trying to say I was over the phone. Which was ridiculous, and why I just hung up on her.

That speaks loads of guilt on her end. She's a twit....it's almost like she is blaming you for what happened.

[smackie9]

Why not?! isn't she the one who cheated in the first place?! .....

I never did when my BF of 3 years cheated on me. I was devastated, but I didn't go into a psycho rage over it.