I talked to her! I wrote her this letter should i send it?

[Wakeup]

ooops ... I obvi meant "wasN'T scared away" Sorry lol

Well, she wasn't set all a gaga by it either. Unfortunately because Op has such high hopes of reconciling and he has more attachment to that letter than she does, he will be going through the pain of being disappointed once again I fear.

If she still loved him, then she would have jumped at the chance to reply in kind to his sentiments. She's not done that and likely won't.

Just don't get your hopes up too high, OP. I don't know of any woman who was still wanting a relationship who wouldn't be running back to him after a letter confessing such feelings arrived. Keep your feet on the ground and keep your expectations to the point of nil.

I got back and she wouldnt see me... :'( I tried again in a week... she still woudlnt see me... i tried again in a month... she still wouldnt see me.. i tried again at the 3 month point.. she still wouldnt see me..

Have no expectations and you won't be gutted if she doesn't come through with what you want. You like her way better than she ever liked you... I'm sorry, but I get that impression from everything you've written. Don't disappoint yourself if things don't turn out in your favour again when expectations and manipulations don't pan out.

[Bigboy77]

Meh.. i think its over now.
I feel ok with it now though knowing that I did everything I could.

[Ragstar75]

Oh man...I did the same thing last week. Sent a long, handwritten letter - probably the most heartfelt thing I've written to anyone - along with some of her favourite things to her (she's 1000 miles away).

It reached her a few days ago. Not a word from her since. Maybe she didn't even read it.

We broke up 4 months ago. I went NC for 2 months, then reconnected and was hoping to try again. She's just been cold and distant most of the time, esp last 2 weeks.

It's nearing the end. I'm ready to move on, but I can't without knowing her response to the letter, even if it's indifference. Is it so hard even just to say ,"Thank you for the letter, I hope you move on?"

[Wakeup]

Is it so hard even just to say ,"Thank you for the letter, I hope you move on?"

She already told you that when she broke up with you. How many times do you need to hear it before you give YOURSELF closure?

I'm ready to move on, but I can't without knowing her response to the letter,

NO response is the clearest response of all. It's even clearer than her telling you to leave her alone which is only opening up yet another dialogue with you that she likely doesn't want to initiate.

Give yourself closure and stop thinking about her in any which way. Tell yourself you are done and then start the process of being done.

[Gypsybell]

Listen to your heart, hear the truth and if you love this girl, send the letter. Love is worth any risk. Egg on the face is a minor price if it fails, it'll wipe off and since everyone else has seen it, why not the one who inspired it? Women value indepth feeling disclosure, she will appreciate it (unless you are one of those endlessly emotional stalker types who just dribble crap which is of no value at all, but I don't think sol)

The best guage of wheather or not it's worth the risk is, 'how will you feel if you don't ?' Was it enough to just write it and post it for 'Somebody' out there to recognize the depth of your feelings? Or do you need closure, one way or another, from the person most concerned?
How would you feel If she came back? Is that the object of your letter? or just a focus to release other 'feelings' that felt overwhelming?

I am new to this forum and don't know the circumstances of your break up, (was there more on it 5 months ago) but you put an awful lot of feeling into that letter, and your stress levels are pretty intense. You mentioned terrible things 'haunting' you to do with your work ( I take it you're an Ambo) and that you were under stress during a course when the breakup took place. Plus you instigated it, 'paniced'. Striking first out of the fear of rejection. Or just plain too overloaded with work/study/ relationship combined stress to think straight? If any of this is touching a chord, then you are just inches away from burnout, my friend.

Nurses call it our 'cardiac arrest mode', ie packing down the normal human reaction to the horrendous human suffering we deal with. Keeping a clear head to give others their best shot to survive, on the rationale that it's their pain, not ours and if we panic, they'll die, so it's not about 'us'. Except that it is, because we are human and that sort of pressure to perfom is traumatic. And Ambos (paramedics?), face it frontline, so its worse. typically, when it comes to a contest, the job comes first, because people's lives are at stake and they have to block the rest out to concentrate. So the girlfriend/wife/hubby get put on the backburner til they get a spare brain cell to spare for their own lives. Sound familiar? If so, send the letter, son. go cry in her arms and get it framed. She will have something to remind her that you love her when you get bogged down in the job. I wish you well, The Gypsy

[Wakeup]

Listen to your heart, hear the truth and if you love this girl, send the letter. Love is worth any risk. Egg on the face is a minor price if it fails,

my advice was not about him getting egg on his face so much, but rather not to send it because reading that will, for most woman turn them off if they are on the edge of wanting him or not wanting him then it would scare most away. We have to make these kinds of decisions on our own in order for us to be convinced of our feelings. When we have someone trying to force or manipulate their own feelings on us when we're not feeling exactly the same way then we tend (human nature) to run from things that force us to make a decision before we are ready.. it's just easier.

So sending a letter like that, odds are, would make her bolt not run to him if she was teetering on returning to him. You can't manipulate someone into feeling the same way you are so why try? Even if you think confessing your feelings isn't trying to manipulate.. it certainly is when you don't know for certain how someone feels about you. That is why I said you send a letter like that to someone you know, without a doubt is feeling the same way about you (then it's romantic) Not, when you're hoping it will sway them to be feeling the same way. JMO and based on common sense, basic human nature and psychology.

[Mathias]

Listen to your heart, hear the truth and if you love this girl, send the letter. Love is worth any risk. Egg on the face is a minor price if it fails, it'll wipe off and since everyone else has seen it, why not the one who inspired it? Women value indepth feeling disclosure, she will appreciate it (unless you are one of those endlessly emotional stalker types who just dribble crap which is of no value at all, but I don't think sol)

No, they don't. Some hopeless romantics say they do, but when faced with it, they run. For good reason, might I add.

[Gal4Love]

Aw Bigboy77, hope you are staying strong. You will find someone meant for you. :-( I know it hurts but in time, maybe even a long time, you will see that she wasn't meant to be and you'll find someone who was. Stay strong, chin up. :-)

[Bigboy77]

Thanks gal4love, its been 10 days of NC now since her response.. It's official, she left me for the party scene. Don't think she will contact me for awhile. Probably a few years before she realizes that the grass isn't greener wasting your life drunk in a bar.

I havent taken the ring she gave me off since the break up 5 months ago. I know it sounds lame but whenever i'm feeling down i always look at it and ask myself " how can i be the best man i can be right now?" It has helped me face the reality of all this. These past 10 days after her response i have finally started to heal. Each day has been a few percent better and I am starting to get motivated for myself again.

[Gal4Love]

Awesome Bigboy77! You will still have those bad days but they will become less and less.