What do I/we do?

[elny1]

I'm a male about to turn 24 years old. For the past 2 years I've been dating a woman 11 years older than me. She has 2 sons (8 and 10 now). Our relationship has always been flawless. She is my favorite person in the world and I love her children, just as aside from her children I am without a doubt her favorite person she's ever encountered. A little under 3 months ago I lost my job and got stressed out. In my stress-storm I started demanding more from her than she was capable of doing. She in turn got scared that she would never be able to fulfill my life (as I am 11 years younger) in the future, although I can't imagine a future without her. We had a weird fallout for 2 weeks and she broke up with me. Within a month, I started to date a wonderfully smart, polite, beautiful girl my own age, and my ex started dating a great guy that's older than her, but all in all both of our new relationships make sense on a completely rational level. I decided to move 2000 miles away because I couldn't stand being anywhere near my ex-girlfriend. I can't stop thinking about her. Even though I'm so far away, every day I wake up and go to sleep thinking about my ex. I can't go more than an hour without her consuming my head.(and yes, I'm currently still dating my gf my own age. She has plans to move in with me soon after her spring college semester is over). My ex decides to call me up last week (we haven't talked nor seen each other since the breakup). I didn't pick up. As much as I want to talk to her, and hear about the boys... I don't want her to hide anything from me and I don't want to her about her new-guy, so I just can't make conversation. In the past 2 days we've started texting and trying to figure out why this breakup happened and what to do with these consuming emotions and thoughts. She hasn't been able to stop thinking about me, like I with her.

Despite both of us being in completely logical and rational relationships with great people, every day we are both tortured with only thinking of each other instead of our new loves. What do we do? What do I do? My ex-girlfriend inspires me on so many levels, and though I'm not in the least religious or spiritual, I consider her my star-crossed love and soul mate. Is the age difference too much? Shes beautiful, sweet, we understand each others roots and shes the only one (plus her kids who I love) that makes me feel 100% complete. Just by looking in each other's eyes we get stuck in a trance more amazing than the grand canyon. Is this withdrawal and a good thing that we are both moving on, or am I missing out on the woman and family of my dreams? I feel like a void without her. Whenever I get a text I'm excited by the idea of it being my ex, and when it turns out to be my girlfriend I get kinda bummed out, as incredible as she is, she has never given me a stellar emotional high. I'm certain my ex feels the same way about her boyfriend. We're both trying to be rational and correct here, and the decision is in my hands at the moment on who I choose.

Thanks for anyone taking the time to read and help. My head and heart are ripped.

[smackie9]

Who said it was the proper thing to do but to be with someone your own age? There are many that have large age differences that are able to sustain a long happy life together. Friends of mine are 12 years apart. She is older and had a teenage daughter when they started dating. They have been happily married for many years now. I really don't get why people get so hung up on age. These days everyone or at least most are on the same interest level and the gap is closing in. As for your break up, her being a mom came first and protecting her children from a negative environment is priority one. She had no choice but to bail. And also here is a possibility that friends told her that it was time for her to find someone to date that is at a more appropriate age....screw that, what the hell do they know. What the hell are you two doing? These relationships you both are in is a sham, who are you kidding, you both should never have given up so easily. Go find her and talk to her....maybe this isn't over yet.

[MerryH]

I don't know what you should do about your ex. But you should break up with your current girlfriend. You're not over your ex at all and it's not fair to your "wonderfully smart, polite, beautiful" girlfriend. She doesn't deserve that. You're kind of conning her, as bad as that sounds. She thinks she's in a great relationship, but the reality is that her boyfriend is disappointed when he sees that a text is from her instead of his ex. That's pretty sad.

Also, I don't know the circumstances involved with you planning to move in with a girl you've been dating for only a couple of months, but that's not good decision-making.

[smackie9]

I don't know what you should do about your ex. But you should break up with your current girlfriend. You're not over your ex at all and it's not fair to your "wonderfully smart, polite, beautiful" girlfriend. She doesn't deserve that. You're kind of conning her, as bad as that sounds. She thinks she's in a great relationship, but the reality is that her boyfriend is disappointed when he sees that a text is from her instead of his ex. That's pretty sad.

Also, I don't know the circumstances involved with you planning to move in with a girl you've been dating for only a couple of months, but that's not good decision-making.

Either he is a very good actor, or she is too oblivious to notice. I'm gonna go with that latter. Maybe not so wonderfully smart after all.

[mala]

im sorry im so struck on love atm dat the only advice i can give u wud be something lovey dovey... i think that u both shud work out something betwen ur current partners, coz if both of u r not happy with ur currents, it means that u r missing something very valuable in life, which is each other. sometimes we give alot of thoughts to all the right thing, which r actually technically right things. n what u think r the wrng things in life ( like age etc) can give u wonders in life...hope i can be of any help, n i do wish u the best...

[MerryH]

Either he is a very good actor, or she is too oblivious to notice. I'm gonna go with that latter. Maybe not so wonderfully smart after all.

Yeah, because she's supposed to be able to read his ****ing mind, right? What a dumb bitch.

[elny1]

Can't love grow? Is that bad thinking??

[HeartIsAching]

^^^troll...

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Love can grow, but you'll have to cease all contact w/ your ex.

[bulrush]

I agree with another poster. OP, you started to date too early before you were over your ex. Are you simply emotionally attached to your ex, or do you truly believe you two are more compatible with each other than anyone else?

[smackie9]

Yeah, because she's supposed to be able to read his ****ing mind, right? What a dumb bitch.

Most people can feel it when something isn't right with their partner, you definitely don't have to be a mind reader for that. She just doesn't know him well enough, and well moving in together after only 2 months makes me suspect she not so bright rushing into things like that.

[elny1]

Are you simply emotionally attached to your ex, or do you truly believe you two are more compatible with each other than anyone else?

One night we had a random hook up after working with eachother for 1 year. A little over 2 years since then we've been thinking about each other every day like a crazy drug. At first I thought I just liked her because she was gorgeous and she knows just what to say at every moment too and never loses her cool or raises her voice to anyone, and our sex will go down in the history books of my life and hers. For the first 6-8 months we didn't even introduce me to the kids because we didn't know what to think about our relationship. Then one day I started hanging out a lot more and taking the kids to the gym and sports events and doing Friday night game night and yadda yadda and we all meshed like a perfect harmony right off the bat.

I've known my current gf about as long as I've known my ex (3 years). Both of them live back East. I moved out West, and my gf (who was a lady friend at the time) came to visit for 8 days. We had a pretty good time and decided to make a commitment. I really admired her spontaneous drive to follow me out here. It was a bold move. My gf and I are in a long distance relationship until Spring. Shes back East finishing school, and I'm out West working 5-6 days a week. In my head I just imagined I would be able to shake off these thoughts about my ex and come Spring I'd have a good girl in my life and a solid job. One problem: I can't shake off these thoughts!! and neither can my ex. Of all of my friends and relatives, my ex and her kids are the only thing I miss back East. :/.

[bulrush]

If there was no sex, would you still enjoy being around your ex?

[elny1]

If there was no sex, would you still enjoy being around your ex?

Abso-**cking-lutely. She wasn't only my girlfriend, she was my best friend.

Both of us feel like the chemistry bond between her me and the kids is something that most people are lucky if they experience in a lifetime. Perfect family communication. I feel like if I lose her then there's a 99.9% chance I'll never find that again. In a relative perspective.. it would be like a parent losing their child: never being able to experience that once in a lifetime perfected chemistry connection buried deep down in the roots of emotion that they once had.

I've been vaguely talking to her today. We both feel voids in ourselves.

[searock]

First of all, break up with your current gf. Only then you will be able to think clearly and see what it is that you really want. And to act in order to get it.