Just broke up with my first girlfriend and i'm hurting :(

[RvP10]

've been sitting here in front of the screen for 5 minutes, frozen, thinking of how i should start, I'm 18, and she was my first girlfriend, surprise surprise.

I'm sorry if this seems long, you don't have to read it if you don't want to, but i would really appreciate some support from neutral grounds and some advice.

It was around February, she was in a couple of my classes, i never really noticed her until i had gotten over a previous girl i was "crushing" on, The first time i ever noticed her, i knew i liked what i saw, she carried her self well across the room, gorgeous smile, very cute but feisty, i knew that i just had to get to know her better.

We never really conversed that much but yet i had still added her on Facebook and i slowly tried to initiate it through chatting with her, it was obvious she wasn't interested, i mean, who could blame her? Some guy in her class was "stalking" her on Facebook. Long story short, i slowly got her out of her shell (later on she admitted she never really liked me much at first and found me annoying) We alternated from chatting to texting and after 2 months, we started from being strangers in class to real good buddies who would text each other about anything. We realized how comfortable we were with each other and trusted each other with everything. I'm just going to skip a couple of chapters here, but i slowly came onto her and made it known that i was really interested in her, she had reminded me several time that she just wasn't looking for a relationship, she had broken up with her boyfriend around 3 months before we met, and they had been going out for 8-9 months, regardless of what she had said, i never gave up, i really liked her and wanted to be in a relationship with her. The funny thing is she was the one who initiated several of our first "dates" (friendly dates) and soon enough, on June 24th 2011, we had decided to get into a relationship, and she reminded me that we wanted to keep it simple, and she didn't want anything to be serious.

I was with her all summer, and i did everything for her, i payed for almost everything, i made an effort in seeing her every time, i tried making her happy, i tried doing the things she wanted, i wouldn't say i was whipped, but i had basically been treating her like a princess, the distance between our houses was about a 20-25 minute drive, 40-45 minutes through public transit. Everytime she had come over, i made an effort in picking her up, dropping her off etc. I was always nice to her and respected her greatly.

Things started to falter around the end of August, a week after the semester had started, she started to seem uninterested, she seemed bored, basically, she wasn't happy, we didn't converse as we used to, it was a really **** 3 weeks for me, no matter how much i tried, i never got the reciprocity i wanted, she barely showed she cared for me anymore, and it killed me inside, my girlfriend was sad, and i felt it was my fault, even though all i tried doing was make her happy.

A week before we broke up, i asked her what was wrong, even though she kept saying "nothing, i'm fine" i forced it out of her and that's when i found out she started questioning this relationship, telling me she wanted to stay single because she felt she couldn't give me 100 % and felt it was unfair to keep doing this to me. (typical break-up line?) she kept saying she didn't know what she wanted and that she was at a cross-road, she really had strong feelings for me and reminded me that i was the only guy who actually tried, and who actually wanted to make her happy and made an effort in getting to understand her. we decided to see how it would pan out but i had had enough, i was really hurt and couldn't take it anymore….

Yesterday, we finally decided to talk during our break and she told me she wanted to stay single, she didn't wan't to commit right now, she had gone through 2 horrible break-ups, both were very long-term relationships. we laid down on the grass, cuddling, tearing up, talking about everything, and she told me " you are the only person i was really close to before this relationship, and you are the only guy that i want to be close friends after it, i know people say you don't know what you've got till it's gone, but i don't want you to go away, you are a huge part of my life and i really care about you"

Here i am… venting, sorry if this was long, but i find that writing about it helps quite a bit, as i write this, she is in class with me… sitting right next to me at this very moment, and i feel trapped, i don't know if i could stay friends with her because i do love her. A really close lady friend and one of my best friends told me she would realize her mistake and want me back, and i'm just hoping that's the case, I'm not lost, i know where my head is at, i know and realize she is my first true love and that it's hard, but i want her back, the only problem is i don't want her if she's not ready again, cause i know it's going to be just like our last 3 weeks together and i can't take that.

I was the only guy who cared as much as any other guy, and i showed it, i just can't stop thinking why she would come to this, i thought about perhaps it was the fact that i was suffocating her with all the things i did, but i honestly didn't shower her with gifts or anything, i just treated her nicely, and made an effort in doing the things she had asked for me and had sometimes gone that extra mile for her, not because i felt i had to, but because i really wanted to.

How can she say she still has strong feelings for me but not be sure about wanting to be in a relationship or not? she told me if she ever wanted to be in one, it would be with me.

I'm just hurting right now guys, and i apologize for the length of my story, and would really appreciate any advice or thoughts. If there is anything that is unclear, just please ask because i did skip a lot of it, i tried keeping it short.

[Mykee]

She's scared because of what has happened to her in the past.

It sounds like she does care for you but is worried about being that close to someone and getting hurt again.

What you need to do, and it will be hard, is still be around her. Still be that guy that she has those strong feelings for. Try and show her that you're not a dick (which I'm sure you're not) and you won't break her heart if she takes a 'leap of faith' in having a relationship.

Good luck and make sure you don't burn any bridges with her because of what she has done so far (which isn't that bad in the grand scheme of things)

[summertyme45]

I'm sorry you're hurting. I know its a tough situation to be in, but think about what you feel now and how she must feel.

I wont assume to know what she is thinking or feeling, but if she is like me ( and most women), shes scared. When you end a relationship with somoene, there is always that reluctance to start another relationship for a period of time. For some, that period is very short, while for some its long. No one ever wants to be hurt, and the easiest way to avoid being hurt is to avoid any situation where there is the possiblity of attachement and getting hurt.

If you care about her as a friend, the best thing you can do right now is be her friend. Respect her feelings. You should want her to be with you because she wants to and when shes ready to. I understand that you care deeply for her, but you cant make someone ready for a relationship until they are ready. Maybe she just needs time and to believe that you arent going anywhere.