Please help me... Very long text, sorry...

[Confused__guy]

Hello there, I'm new at the forum and the reason I registered here was to have a third person's view of my relationship of 2 years now.

We have been fighting for some time, about 2 months constantly. It usually revolves around me not feeling loved by her and her calling me needy. We have had this fight since our first week of dating. But first things first.

We began dating after a month of wooing each other and were pretty hot and heavy. We are both in College now and met as freshmen. In the beginning of our relationship, we were very very sexual and played a lot with each other. We lost our virginity to each other and started getting a lot more intimate. We started dating, developed love for each other and were crazy in love. We even talked about someday marrying each other... About a year ago, she had an injury that brought her a huge amount of pain and need of a surgery. I stood by her until she got better, but that took a toll on her. And, to top it off, she couldn't attend some exams back then, that she is now taking.

Nowadays, we are fighting constantly. She was never affectionate, which is the complete opposite of me (she had a very strict childhood, it is very rare of her to hug her parents), and it hurts me, I actually get more and more needy because I can't get what I think is natural for a couple. When she is sweet, she is very sweet, but only if we are completely alone and have just had sex. I seldom ask her to kiss me, to touch me and hate myself because of it. I've tried being more like her, being frigid, denying who I am, but I really hate it. I want her to be sweet most of the time, but she is not. She always says that I am being too demanding, but other people have commented on how cold she is: "She loves you, I can tell, but she is a very cold person."

She is also jealous of my grades sometimes, because I'm a moderately good student and she isn't having the best of luck. I feel bad for having better grades than her and I usually avoid being with her when the results come out because she gets really depressed. Before College, she used to be a great student, but now it isn't going as well and I feel that she hates me for being better than her.

We spent some time together on vacation, but fought everyday (really petty things). After that, we spent 1 week apart, talking on the phone occasionally, but when I got back, I could tell she hadn't missed me, which she admitted later. I felt like cr@p, and got very angry at her. I gave her another chance the next day and took her out to an Indian dinner. I bought a surprise bouquet and, because of that, was late for dinner. When I got there, she didn't even kiss me, all she could talk about was me being late. I lost it and on that day she told be that she felt less and less love for me, that she was less attracted to me and that all that she wanted was to be with me again like we were. I changed my mind about breaking up and we decided that we could try again. The next week, I was more emptied out, because I sent her a really cute and beautiful tex about how I missed her, how I missed us, but she didn't really give it much importance, she told me that "being cute is now on hold, I'm busy". I broke up with her, got incredibly drunk and on Saturday we kinda made up, but I wasn't feeling well. We were trying to take it light until today, Wednesday.

But, today, I am done. I pointed out to her that I discovered something. She was "colder" on Tuesday because she was on pain, and I could now see the difference between pain and being upset (I was always asking her if we were ok when she acted coldly) and apologized. She didn't care about it and I confronted her. She said: "I'm tired of talking about us, you are always thinking about us". I said "Of course I'm thinking about us, the whole point of this is for us to find the reasons we are always fighting about and solving them." She said: "I wanna be ok with you, that's it, but I just don't feel like talking about us." I'm going to censor what I told her, but it ended with me hanging up on her.

I'm done with her, I thought, but didn't tell her. She is still studying for her exams and I don't want her to blame me if she doesn't pass them. I feel sad, very angry and confused.

Should I break up now or wait 15 more days until she is done with her exams?

I'm I only doing this because I'm a masochist pussy and I'm not breaking with her, just being delusional?

Should I break up? (I know that I still love her, but I can´t keep doing this to myself)

Help me please, sorry for the very long text

Confused__guy

[doodie182]

Hi there,

I do believe that it might be her upbringing that has caused her to distant herself from affection. But more to the point, I will tell you from a girls perspective that sometimes, we act distant to avoid being hurt, which is what I guess she's trained herself to do. I'm getting the vibe that she might be a little insecure. You say she was never really an affectionate person... I think that if you don't want to lose her, the best thing to do will be to sit her down and tell her how much it hurts that you feel unable to be affectionate towards her and recieve affection back and that you are not sure if you can continue in a relationship where you feel unloved. I have been in a relationship like that and know how much it hurts, especially as I love affection. I'm trying to take up her perspective too, but I do feel for you very much. The way she treated you at the Indian, I feel, was uncalled for and unfair. However, it seems that she has endured a lot of physical and emotional pain in her past and has perhaps built a barrier to try and protect herself. You say that when she is nice, she is very nice, so maybe there is someone good and worth fighting for under the hard exterior. You know her well, you could probably figure out what will 'thaw' her out a little. But there is only so much you can do, and if you feel you can no longer continue with feeling no love or affection from her, it is best for you to move on and find someone more suited to you. I wish I could help more but that is the best advice I can give! Best of luck.

[Confused__guy]

Today, my current, but soon to be ex-girlfriend, texted me this: "I wanna be ok with you as nothing had happened".

I replied: "Want me to drive by and we could talk?", very unsure if we were going to get back together or break up. Could we solve things, finally? Or would they stay the same?

Answer: "Talk? What is the point?..." WTF?!

I couldn't believe it, there she was. In her truest form... Maybe in a Far Away Land relationships are solved by magic, but in reality, they're not.

B!tch! When her exams are over I'm going to dump her ass so fast she isn't even going to realize it.

I hate how much I still love her though. I must have hit my head somewhere, I feel so stupid!

Am I going overboard with this? (I don't think so, but new advices would be great).

Thanks

[Mathias]

She's trying to avoid the situation. That's a bad sign.

[girl68]

Dump her and never look back.