Confused..

[sstundon]

I have been married for 2 years and we have been together for 7. We met while we were in high school. Now theres an over view. We had been together about 2 years when he told me that I had to have a child in the next 2 years or he was leaving me. Well that scared me so I decided to break up with him. The weekend I left I slept with someone I have know for years. When that happened I decided that I didn't want anyone else that all I wanted was my boyfriend. Well I never told him because I knew he would leave me. Well 2 months before our wedding I decided to tell him because I felt like he deserved to know since we were to be married. Ever since he holds it over my head and anytime we fight he brings it up. Its gotten better with time but it still happens. In the last year its gotten worse. When we fight he tells me he wants a divorce and then after we talk it through he says "No I didn't mean it I love you, your the best... etc) Then this past week He told me he loved me and I was the best then the very next day tells me that our relationship isn't the same, and he doesn't feel the same. But when we talk about it he changes it again and tells me all the things I want to hear. He told me a few times that if he ever decided to leave me he would find a new gf first to replace me with because he needs to feel that attachment. Well after all of that I think I am falling out of love with him. Constently looking over my shoulder to see if he is talking to someone else. This past weekend I told one of his friends about it and his friend kissed me and told me I don't deserve that. But I have no idea how to handle all of this. Or if I should just let life play itself out.... I pushed away the friend (even though I didn't want to) My life is just to complicated for him to get involved in it. Need advice badly!!

[bulrush]

IMO: your bf whom you love, sounds too unstable for you to be good for you. A relationship should be stable, and should add to the lives of both people. Some drama is expected, but if there is enough drama to make it this unstable, it's not a good match. Sorry to break it to you. There should be more positive things come out of the relationship, than negative things. It sounds like his trust in you is forever broken, he just can't wrap his head around you sleeping with the other guy. Thus his emotions go from one extreme to another (loving you to hating you).

There is someone better for you out there, just don't give up.

[sstundon]

Unfortunately I agree with you. But thats the part that I hate. I am afraid of the out come and afraid to go through everything that will come from a break up. I mean I have 2 children with him we are married. Just so much to divide and then to live alone. I know I am a strong woman and I can handle it. But its just scary. And talking to him is like talking incomplete circles... he loves me he doesn't he loves me he doesn't. Just wish it could be over without talking. I love him but I am almost sure I am not in love with him like I used to be... But what if the grass isn't greener.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

This isn't a case of the grass being greener. You're not trying to choose between him and some new boytoy; you're making a decision about whether this relationship is a healthy, positive one. I think you should leave him, because it seems like he's stringing you along. From what he says, it sounds like he is looking for someone to replace you. It's going to be hard, but I think it would be much harder if he just asked for a divorce because he'd found someone new.

[devonbrown]

I think BackUp is right here. Plus, if he keeps bringing up your night with that other guy (even though you were single at the time and did nothing wrong), that is just him trying to emotionally manipulate you.

And, I agree that he is already looking for someone else with how he is talking. Either that or he is trying to mess with your head even more.

Regardless, he does not sound like a very good guy. I understand your hesitation with divorcing him and all, but you don't want to put your children through years of you being unhappy and their dad emotionally abusing their mom.

btw, I think you did right by turning away the friend at this point. It could have been a scheme to try to get you to cheat which would make the divorce easier for your husband (since it was his friend). Or it could have just been a guy looking to exploit a woman who was upset about her marriage. Even if the friend is a good guy and really likes you, it is not the right time for the two of you.

Good luck.

[asdfg789]

... The weekend I left I slept with someone I have know for years. ... friend kissed me ... I pushed away the friend (even though I didn't want to)

sorry i disagree with the other posters so far. i think his mistake was taking you back and having kids together.

i think there is still a part of you that very much want to explore other relationships. not ideal for your kids. and its killing him.

perhaps you should go for counselling together and try to talk things out.

good luck.