Alright, so this has been haunting with me for quite a while. I could really use any advice that I can get, I think that I am running out of time. I tried not to make this too long, but some of the details are necessary! :/
Okay, so there is this guy I have known him for almost four years (we'll call him Henry). After we became good friends, Henry introduced me to his best friend (J) and me and J ended up going out. If this initially bothered Henry, he hid it well. During the relationship, I went to Henry a lot for advice. It didn't bother me at the time, but thinking back on it, Henry had always given me very pessimistic answers and undermined how J felt about me (always saying that J and I weren't a great match, blah). It was whatever at the time, until things in the relationship began to deteriorate. J became paranoid about my relationships with other guys and got worse and worse about every situation. We fought about it a lot. Henry was no help at all. Eventually, J and I broke up over it. Months later, I found out that Henry had fed false rumours to J, telling J that I had treated him badly and that I was flirting with other guys and basically caused the friction for our break up.
When I found out, I hated him for it. I cut off communication with him and became outright hostile. We stopped talking completely. That's when the staring started. We take the same train home every day (and occasionally see him at parties because we have mutual friends) and he always stares. We're always in the same carriage, and no matter where I sit or how far, if he's got a view, he'll stare at me. Some of the time, he'll make a pretense of looking at something else, but most of the time it's just blatant staring.
A few months after, Henry got a girlfriend. I didn't find out until they were a few months into their relationship. But when I did, I was jealous. Not livid. But strangely possessive. Like the girl had taken something that wasn't hers. Sometime during the jealousy and the hating that I had had, I think I began to like him. They were always feelings that have been with me - confusing, cloudy. It has been three years since then, and Henry and that girl have broken up after almost one and half years of dating. The staring had not stopped all the way through their relationship, still. And I think my feelings have intensified.
Eventually, Henry said sorry. It was two years after the actual break up. By then I was pretty much over it, but an apology was still profound for me. I told him that I was basically over it and that we could be friends. We tried to do that, but it never worked. We had strange tension (sexual?) every time we talked and I could tell that being friends wasn't really going to work for us. This eventually diminished back into not talking. But the staring, intense staring, never stopped. And still hasn't.
It wasn't until now that I realised that Henry was something to me that no other guy could be. I dated a lot of guys in between then and now but every time I got out of a relationship, my mind would go back to Henry. It took me this long to realise that I might possibly be in love with him.
Sometimes I feel like there's a lot to go on, but it's just staring and a break-up back a few years ago and little things in between. I don't know if this is enough for me, but I think I will confess to him sometime soon. It has been almost four years of feelings that have never left me and I'd like to think, feelings on his side too. Neither of us have said anything, but I'm tired of waiting for something to happen. So I'm going to take the initiative. Is there a possibility he could feel something for me?
Sorry for all the long details and thanks for reading! Any advice/thoughts would be appreciated