How to tell someone you don't love them?

[Abbey]

WARNING: this is a long read

Met this guy in one of my classes, we were in a lot of the same study groups, so spent a lot of time doing class homework at school. After semester over, we hung out a little, and chatted. I wasn't really busy and hey it's good to make new friends right?

Then next semester rolled around, and he was in one of my classes again, and he sat next to me. So we would chit chat here and there. I'm a good listener, and when he was feeling down, he'd mention it and slowly this was when I realized this guy like LIKES me and he trusts me to reveal that sort of thing.

The big clue to me was when Valentine's Day came and he made a card for me. I mean, he actually got some paper, did drawings and wrote a poem kind of thing. I was like wow and didn't know what to think. I didn't really have any feelings for him they way he had for me and he was just a nice guy to talk to type thing to me. So I felt sorta guilty. But the thing is, he a shy type of guy and so after the card thing he really didn't show or say anything about dating or love or stuff like that. So for a while it seemed like things were back to where it was when we first met. But later on when we hung out sometimes conversations would end up in awkward silences and I just knew he wanted to tell me something important, like ask me out.

Moving on to the next semester I had no classes with this guy, and so really, I never saw him anymore. But he had my number from back when we were in the study groups. So we hung out a few times, I was hella busy that semester, took some tough courses, so didn't have much free time anyway. Then I got a job on campus and later had a class this guy had already taken. He said he would let me borrow his books if I needed it and so later we arranged for him to drop 'em off at my work on campus. After that he would every once in while drop by when I was locking up and he would walk me to my car to chat a bit. Now these conversations, again I knew he wanted to tell me something important, and he did say those exact words! And so I asked him, what is it? He was always unable to get the words or say anything, sometimes making excuses and would let me go my way. So then I started to get annoyed, and kinda got tired of him hanging around, and never telling me what was up with him. I guess I was losing patience.

Ok now, coming to the end of this little saga, this semester of this year before it started, I get a call from him. And finally I found out what he wanted to tell me all those times, he was moving and transferring to another university up state. He said he needed to take certain classes there, and he said he didn't really want to move, but would be staying with relatives. He tells me he was leaving in a couple days and wanted to hang out one more time before he left. I guess kinda like a last hurrah/good-bye.

So the day before he leaves, we catch a movie, chat a bit and there it happens again, these awkward silences. And he was muttering to himself in the car. He seemed all nervous. So by the end of the night when he was taking me home, I was like dude what is wrong? Tell me what is on your mind. I can't read minds. He was like, let's take a walk. So we walk -- a looong time, I started getting frustrated and was like c'mon tell what is up! He said he couldn't find the words and we walked some more. And so finally I said something like, so I get this feeling you really really really like me and then... FINALLY he starts talking. He asks me about a couple of times we hung out and the stuff we did (some if it was like last year so I didn't remember some). But he remembered a lot (again I felt guilty for not remembering) and so he finally got around to saying I was like his best friend and when he was down I made him happy and that he would miss me.

So then I consoled him a bit, telling him he had to think positive and push out negative thoughts and somehow I also worked in that moving isn't bad, you get to meet new people, and experience new things (I felt kinda again guilty, saying this, because I wasn't really sure I would miss him). I asked him if he was okay and if there was anything else. He said there wasn't anything else and so then we said our good-byes.

After that, I was kinda relieved, felt almost some sort of closure from all the tension and uncomfortableness that was happening when I was around him. But that didn't last long, this Valentine's Day, I get an e-mail from him. This e-mail to sum up, was basically him confessing his love for me. It was very emotional and I won't post the whole thing, but some key phrases were "No one in the world makes me happy as you" "sometimes i'm up all night thinking about you" "you are the best thing that every happened to me" "i'm in love with you". I was floored, how do you reply to something like that? How do you tell someone you don't feel the same way? As the subject says, how do you tell someone you don't love them?

I was thinking of saying I care about him, but not love -- but then I don't want to get his hopes up. I don't think I want to have relationship with him, with all the communication issues I've had, and yet I wonder if I should give him a second chance. Though, at the same time I think would rather move on and forget about him, but that seems so harsh and cruel to do. I would feel better to do the latter, but I hate to hurt another person's feelings.

[DBallerz]

Okay I read half way down, but if you don't love him then give him hints and he will eventually get it, if he doesn't then youll have to tell him straight up.