Me and my boyfriend have recently broken up after being together for 2 1/2 years. Whenever we got together he knew that i smoked. After being together for a little while, he told me that he didn't like that i smoke, and i promised him that i would quit. He gave me chance after chance and was really understanding about it, but i kept smoking and never actually quit. I want to quit, but i just don't feel that i'm ready right now. I hate myself for "choosing smoking over him". I don't understand why i just can't do it. I have also gained about 10 pounds since we have been together. I weigh 145. He told me that he wanted me to lose weight and that he was starting to be less attracted to me. After the first time that we slept together he said "if you lost a little weight and stopped smoking i would marry you" There isn't a day that goes by that i don't have that in the back of my mind. It really messed me up, i started pushing myself away from him and I feel that i have ruined everything. I am not fat, i could stand to be a little more in shape but I don't feel that i need to worry because i am not obese.
We have been on the rocks for awhile, and he recently caught me smoking again and said he was done. That he couldn't do this anymore. I love him with all my heart, i don't feel that it's fair for me to have to do all these things in order for him to marry me. I understand that these things are important to him, but this isn't how i want to be treated for the rest of my life. I want to be able to do what i want. But i also feel i should try to make him happy. I'm so lost and sad, i don't want to lose him.