Long distance long haul

[JeremyTTT]

Hi everyone, I would greatly appreciate your advice on my issue.

I've been with a girl for about 2 years now, prior to that we knew each other for many years as friends. Our relationship is one where we've been forced apart thanks to distance. We try our best to see each other but in the past 2 years since we've gone out, we've only been able to see each other twice for a period of 3-4 weeks each time. So basically a month a year is all we get. During the times we are together, it really is a great feeling because physical connection is so underrated when its not present. It actually makes you treasure the person much more when shes there in those brief moments.

Anyway, our relationship started well. Explosive, chemistry, fireworks in the tummy. You name it, we felt it. It was romance romance romance. When we first started going out, her life had quite a few problems. Family problems being a major one. Then it moved to financial problems. I love her and throughout all those problems of hers, I stuck it out with her. Always being there to help her where I can. That was 2 years back, since then, her life has gotten back on track. Shes now moved out away from problematic family issues, with a stable job that she hopes to succeed in. Before sounding like some white knight here, I would also like to say that even though I don't have the sorta problems she has, she has always been there for me. Emotionally supporting me through tough moments. She tries her best to make time for us by always rushing home from work.

Over time, like any relationship, we get our arguments. But we've found that along with the arguments, we're also slowly losing feelings for each other. We're getting into a routine where we take each other's presence for granted. Where shes started to feel like the mere fact shes in a relationship with me restricts her freedom since she feels forced to accommodate me in her life even though I'm not there next to her. I can't say I feel the same way but I have found moments where even time spent with her, I didn't feel anything more than just friendship going on as we talked about our days. Basically..we can't go out to dinner like a normal couple, we can't go to the movies, we don't even have cyber sex, let alone holding hands or kissing..the intimate physical connections in our relationship isn't there as well as the activities most couples take for granted to entertain themselves.


Its been very hard I admit. But I do feel she is a very special woman. I would like to marry her eventually once we can be together because I do feel that there is a bright future with her if only she could be next to me. But as the days go by, shes losing feelings for me at a faster rate than I am for her. The distance is taking its toll on us. Her mind has been a mess lately as she tries to figure out what she really wants. From stability, shes now gone back to confusion over what she really wants in life. She does want to settle down and live happily but the fact that we are about a year or two away from being together makes it a very long wait and with the distance added, its been a whole lot of uncertainties over what she now feels she wants. As for me, I'm still certain that I want to be with her..Problem is that each day shes uncertain makes me uncertain as well. I'll be flying to visit her again in February a coupla months from now and I'm hoping to rekindle the romance then..

But what should I do in the mean time? Would it even be worth trying to rekindle the romance? Can this still work against all odds? I'd love to hear advice from anyone, especially those who have been in relationships where the romance sorta faded out..and how to rekindle it..as well as those who have been in long distance relationships.

Please help because I do want to save this relationship. But I'm running out of ideas on how.

[JeremyTTT]

Hoping someone has experience or advice to give. I've run out of thoughts of my own and I'm hoping for an outside perspective.

[AsianBeauties]

Hello, sorry to hear you are feeling like this. It's a problem we've come across often.
The two of you have invested quite a bit into this relationship already - if it IS make or break time, then you need lay all your cards on the table with each other. Just talk to each other and be brutally honest; your friendship/connection should enable you to do this. It is usual in most relationships, that the initail spark fizzles out so you need to make an extra effort to reignite it, and in your case the distance is an added factor. If you both decide to go for it then make the next year or two count - make a pledge to maintain the contact regularly, arrange surprise visits, send gifts; acknowledge that waiting to be together is hard for the both of you but BOTH will wait it out. It may seem like it is lightyears away but picture the end goal, remeber why you are you doing this and don't let each other forget it. First things first though, TALK to each other. Good luck

[JeremyTTT]

Thanks for the reply.

Sadly the hard part is that we tried too hard to maintain contact that we grew into a routine where we felt the weight of the relationship was taking a toll on us. It became a job trying to maintain contact rather than let it come naturally. We've talked alot about what we want and we do have an end goal. We do want to get married eventually. Thing is.. the doubts and hesitations grow more and more each day as love seems harder to come by. We're finding it harder and harder to generate those sparks of romance. 2 years is a long time..I'm hoping so much to hold out till then but shes feeling the pressures of it. And yeah sadly when she feels the pressures, I feel em too.

Is a long distance relationship over 4 years really possible? With everything that comes in the way...is it really possible? I don't know any success stories but would love to hear from anyone who has found success in their own long distance relationship.

[surfhb]

Seriously? 8 weeks over 2 years? Thats not a relationship and anything you have is made up in your head. Ie: This is not the real world

[James Banes]

Yeah, 8 weeks in two years isn't a relationship at all. Why haven't you found another chick?

[JeremyTTT]

well we have been busy with many things and she used to have many problems in her life which limited her ability to just fly out whenever she wanted. obviously the reason we're not together yet is the financial issue. It does take her awhile to save up because of all the other bills she has to pay and for a time, I was helping her pay her bills too so with those bills draining our pockets, we never really got to save up all we wanted to just keep flying to see each other..as well as jobs..my job only gives me a set amount of annual leave each year.

8 weeks over 2 years physically together may not sound like much but we try our best to maximize what we do. those moments together we did our best to make memorable memories such as we went to Disneyworld during the time we were together or beaches and fancy restaurants..

Why haven't I found another girl?

Well cause I really love this girl. I know I'm crazy to say this but..we both had a dream where we wanted to settle down and live happily when we managed to save up enough to move together. Shes been through bad relationships in the past with guys who have mistreated her and I've been through some bad ones too with girls who took advantage of me. So we've sorta recognized that in each other, we've found a person we can trust and rely on. So yeah..love and hopes for a future is what is keeping me stuck to her.

Its gonna be another year at least till we can really start planning to move together. I'm hoping for any ideas on how to rekindle the romance and keep it going till then? I'm sure some people have made it work and I know it'll take alot of work but until I've run out of options, I don't really plan on giving up trying. Although each day I sorta hesitate more and more on whether it'll work so in a way I have my fingers crossed that someone has some success story of a long distance love they can share which hopefully can revive my faith in this relationship to its once lofty amounts.