Shy and geeky guys, please help

[Mathias]

His actions are inappropriate. You dont ask a girl out LAST WEEK and not confirm by now. If the OP does hear from him, i hope you will decline at this point? Right? Not that you dont like him or want to go out again but this reenforces bad behavior and its your job to teach him this. Just say "im sorry but I made other plans....why did it take so long to confirm"? Hes lucky, most women I know would have flown already.

But if hes so shy he cant talk to you on the phone, hes has mental issues.

Holy overreaction, Batman!

[malteser]

Are you sure this guy isn't seeing somebody else? That could be why he's only talking about work and is coming across as shy, because he can't talk too much about his personal life! It would also explain him not wanting to give you his number. I wouldn't continue with this if I were you.

[Yet another guy]

It would also explain him not wanting to give you his number.

He already gave his number:

he emailed me his phone number last time he emailed for lunch and zoo.

[surfhb]

Holy overreaction, Batman!

Hows that?

[malteser]

He already gave his number:

Not straight away though which to me is abit strange.

[TheSingleGuy]

Yes, I agree, blowing him off and hoping he gets the hint that he's being rude is a horrible idea.

If his lack of calling to confirm is a big issue, bring it up politely on the first date. Listen, I'm a guy. If I make plans to do something with one of my friends a week from now, it's very unlikely I'm gonna call to "confirm" a few days before hand. That's not a normal way for a male mind to operate. We made plans. Be there. Show up when you say you're going to. (I guess we men expect women to act like men.)

If she blows him off without spelling it out in black in white what he did wrong and why he's not getting the date, his feelings are gonna be hurt, he's gonna feel rejected, which only hurts his confidence with the next girl. But trust me, there is NO WAY IN HELL he's gonna be able to connect the dots and realize she cancelled the date at the last minute because he did something wrong. It is, however, very likely that he may "get the clue" that she's not that into him and never contact her again. Those are the dots I would be connecting if she refused to go on the date with me.

[Yet another guy]

Not straight away though which to me is abit strange.

To me, it cries out shy or just that he thought it would have been too forward. Many girls are turned off if a guy tries too hard.
In my opinion, if he gives out his number at any point, the theory of not being single doesn't explain at all why he didn't give it "straight away".
And what do you mean by straight away anyway? Is there a set time when you're supposed to give out your number? And he went past that point? What if he isn't aware of such convention (such as I)?
Also, your reply suggested that she should stop continuing with him. Is that just because she doesn't have solid proof that he's single?

[lindalinda]

Guys, Here is what I did, please let me know if I am appropriate or not. I am still learning dating as well.
I sent him an email this morning and asked if he is still interested in meeting tomorrow.
Here is what he responded:
"Definitely I'm still planning on lunch and zoo tomorrow. I've been looking
forward to it and thinking about you all week. I just had a bunch of
stuff land on my desk this week that was pretty serious so I got way
behind on email. "
I just feel weird by receiving this, It only takes 10 seconds to type " see you there Saturday". and he has the kind of job sitting in front of the computer all day so no access to email is not an excuse.
I wanted him to know this is not OK with me.
So I responded:
"I would really appreciate it if you communicated with me a little bit earlier. Effective communication is very important to me.
Sorry that my friends and I are going to hiking tomorrow.
Have a great weekend,"

I felt I do not know him very much and considering he is so shy, that he might need more time or more encouragement from me, so after sending the above email, I sent another email giving him a positive response:
"I hope my last email didn't put you off. Is it possible to move lunch and zoo on Sunday?
I still would like to get to know you more. If you are too busy to emailing, calling me or texting me at
XXXXXXXX would be the best and effective way.
Hope to talk to you soon"

Guys, is this an effective way to communicate with you guys? I am so bad with guys in the past, I always picked the wrong guy.
The reason I would like to give him more chance is based on my experience in the past. In the past, I have always been chased by guys in the beginning. They would call me, ask me out like crazy. Give me gifts, flowers. Yes, I have been attracted by guys who know how to get women and who are so experienced in dating. Once we dated, they started not appreciating me and not treating me with respect.

I am thinking , this shy guy, looks like he is not experienced at all, maybe he could be more serious later?

[TheSingleGuy]

LindaLinda,

That was rude as hell. It's really good that you followed up with offering to see him for this activity at another time, but cancelling on him was RUDE.

An effective way to communicate with him is to actually GO on the date AS PLANNED and then, while on the date, bring up his dating error in person, face to face if it's that big a deal to you.

Personally, for the life of me, I can't understand why this is an issue at all. I'm a guy and confirmation communication makes no sense to me. You made the plans. Unless you hear otherwise, the plans are still in effect. Trust me, no guy is gonna make a first date and then forget about it.

You have probably doomed the potential for any relationship at this point because now the only thing he's focusing on is "She's not that into me" and now he'll be less confident around you which will only be more unattractive to you. Good luck on this one lady.

[lindalinda]

To TheSingleGuy,
I think confirmation the date or appointment is crucial, especially when you do not know the person well. What if the email did not get through? or something else happens to the person?

If this happens between me and my best friend, I am not making a big deal at all.

[asdfg789]

@linda, he is obviously someone who puts a lot of attention into work. so it is plausible that he is so tied up he did not think to email.
and i thot typing the additional stuff in the note to you is his way of indicating his keen interest.

your rejection may have dealt a blow to his confidence. he does seem like someone who will need a lot of encouragement and initiative from you.
one additional point, if you do get something going, be prepared for someone who is going to put a lot of priority into his work and possibly neglect a few of other things.

best of luck !!

[Wakeup]

Guys, Here is what I did, please let me know if I am appropriate or not. I am still learning dating as well.
I sent him an email this morning and asked if he is still interested in meeting tomorrow.
Here is what he responded:
"Definitely I'm still planning on lunch and zoo tomorrow. I've been looking
forward to it and thinking about you all week. I just had a bunch of
stuff land on my desk this week that was pretty serious so I got way
behind on email. "
I just feel weird by receiving this, It only takes 10 seconds to type " see you there Saturday". and he has the kind of job sitting in front of the computer all day so no access to email is not an excuse.
I wanted him to know this is not OK with me.
So I responded:
"I would really appreciate it if you communicated with me a little bit earlier. Effective communication is very important to me.
Sorry that my friends and I are going to hiking tomorrow.
Have a great weekend,"

I felt I do not know him very much and considering he is so shy, that he might need more time or more encouragement from me, so after sending the above email, I sent another email giving him a positive response:
"I hope my last email didn't put you off. Is it possible to move lunch and zoo on Sunday?
I still would like to get to know you more. If you are too busy to emailing, calling me or texting me at
XXXXXXXX would be the best and effective way.
Hope to talk to you soon"

Guys, is this an effective way to communicate with you guys? I am so bad with guys in the past, I always picked the wrong guy.
The reason I would like to give him more chance is based on my experience in the past. In the past, I have always been chased by guys in the beginning. They would call me, ask me out like crazy. Give me gifts, flowers. Yes, I have been attracted by guys who know how to get women and who are so experienced in dating. Once we dated, they started not appreciating me and not treating me with respect.

I am thinking , this shy guy, looks like he is not experienced at all, maybe he could be more serious later?

You sent him an email asking him if he was still interested in meeting tomorrow and when he said "definately and looking forward to it" you turn around and basically say: Too bad, you didn't do what I expect (without explaining to you what I expect) so too bad that you're still interested because I've made other plans.

You go onto say "have a good weekend" like you've just given him the curb and then you start to look desperate by asking to reschedule on Sunday (after basically telling him that the weekend is his and don't include you in on it with him.

I'm not a guy but If you did that to me, I'd write you off there and then... Your too little too late email about Sunday would go unanswered.

P.S. I don't know who said it but whoever said that No Guy will stand up a girl on a first date is delusional and paints with a rather broad brush. You should check out the forums of your dating site if they happen to have one and you'll educated yourself about the crap that happens to women (and men alike) when dating from online sites.

[Wakeup]

he emailed me his phone number last time he emailed for lunch and zoo. I emailed back telling him I would love for lunch and zoo and included my phone number.
Very strange. We both used Gmail account. It is not very possible that he did not get the email.

If you expect a confirmation (which I would too) and he gave you his phone number then I have to ask why did you email your acceptance instead of calling him? I would have called him and asked where to meet, when to meet, etc.

[sadie_genie]

To TheSingleGuy,
I think confirmation the date or appointment is crucial, especially when you do not know the person well. What if the email did not get through? or something else happens to the person?

If this happens between me and my best friend, I am not making a big deal at all.

Omg. Yes, confirmation is important BUT I think you have overreacted. Since he said he is still looking forward to it, you should have just go along with the date as planned and then tell him you would appreciate the confirmation next time. If I was the guy, I would be turned off because you are complicating things. Unless...the guy is really really into you and he is desperate, he won't do the rescheduling.

[shpadoinklejoe]

I am a shy geeky guy, i have missed great opportunities with beautiful women interested in me because i am shy. I can be very brave in e-mails, and show interest with flowers, but in person i clam up.
In this situation you have to be the aggressor.