The Intro
I met this girl through a friend and we went out for maybe 2 months. Unfortunately it was before I could drive and we lived pretty far away, thus our relationship consisted of a lot of video calls and texting. Eventually she told me that she didn't feel the same as when we first met and I understood, because we couldn't really progress at the rate that we were seeing each other. However, the breakup still hit me pretty hard, and I tried very hard to avoid her so that I wouldn't think of her anymore.
Post Breakup
Yet over the past 2 years, there's been several times where we did meet up and talk. After each encounter however, I end up feeling weird. I get mixed feelings and I start getting slightly lovesick I guess.
- We went to junior prom together about 4 months after we broke up. I ended up leaving afterprom early without saying a word to her because I was feeling weird.
- We met in church on several occasions.
- Sometime maybe 6 months after our breakup she is in a relationship with a different guy.
- Around 12 months later, I go out with friends including a different girl that I was practically dating, my ex was there too. We talked a bit and caught up.
- A month later I break up with the new girl without explanation. I wasn't up for a new relationship.
- 6 months later, I go to college.
Recent Event
Now most recently, I am in college and so is she. We go to different colleges though. Recently, her friend was having a birthday party so she was coming down. I heard this from her bestfriend that goes to the same college as me. Her bestfriend and I are actually very close and she tries to keep me and my ex away from each other because I always get weird every time I see her. I was also invited, but I said I didn't want to go (I didn't want to see her). But around 3 hours later she calls me, I assumed she was drunk.
"Hiiiiiiii. I'm at your college! Why didn't you go to the party??"
"I was tired so I just went back to my dorm. How is it?"
"It's fun. So where do you live?"
"------- Hall."
"Ohhh okay I'll visit you later. Don't go to sleep!"
"Oh. Wait really?"
"Yeaaa I'll call you, put your phone on loud."
"Haha okay."
So basically I assume she doesn't know what she's saying. Also, I was almost certain that she was still in a relationship with the other guy. I forget about it and watch a movie with friends in my dorm. About 3am she calls and says "I'm outside! Open the door."
She runs down the path to the door that I'm holding open and hugs me.
She says "I missed you!"
Then i see that her bestfriend and another friend tagged along and were walking slowly up. I feel weird because it's almost like I was caught doing something bad. We play pool, pingpong, etc. and waste time. She constantly pokes fun at me in a flirty way, which is how she usually acts. Eventually though, everyone gets tired and she asks to borrow my keys and goes into my dorm where my roommate is sleeping. Also, another friend is sleeping over with my roommate haha. Her friend and bestfriend say they'll wake her up when they leave. At 5 they get up to leave but they don't bother waking her up. They just tell me that she needs to get home at 10 so I should wake her up then. I see them out and I walk back to my room and see everyone asleep. She is in my bed and my friends are asleep in the other bed. I just grab extra sheets and a pillow and sleep on the ground.
In the morning I wake everyone up. My friend goes out, the other guy goes home and my ex says let's go to breakfast. She changes to comfortable clothes and we walk to the dining hall together. We eat and catch up. It's extremely comfortable and we have a good conversation. I walk her back to her car and we hug and she goes home.
But this time I do say "I missed you too."
Feelings Now
It's been a few days and I've been feeling very lovesick again. I feel stupid for letting her come over. At the same time I'm glad she did, because I missed her. I know she's still in a relationship so it was extremely inappropriate for her to sleep over my dorm. But I would never get in the same bed as her unless I was still going out with her, so nothing happened and nothing would have ever happened. I think her bestfriend knew that too. But now I'm back to my miserable state. I don't know why but it seems like I've never gotten over her. People have told me that the only way to fix it is to find someone else, but I have no inclination as of yet.
So I guess I'm here to understand exactly why she came that day? And has anyone ever experienced similar feelings as I have? Also, any advice on how to move on?
Thanks a lot for reading.