Best friend

[Firetender]

Hey everybody! I sure could use some advice here. I have fallen in love with my best friend. We have worked together for a year before she transfered to a different shift. Shortly after that she was in the process of breaking up with her boyfriend of almost 2 years. I was affraid to tell her how I really feel because I didn't want to ruin our great friendship. I suspected there was something going on between her and a much older guy for a while now. She just admited it to me rhe other day. This guy is twice her age and has kids her age and older! Her mother called me and asked me some questions about the situation and asked me if I was in lover her. I didn't want to answer that question in fear she would find out. Well, I did answer truthfully and she found out how I really feel about her. Her mother and soon to be step father have tried to set us up in the past I guess. The way it sounds is she is affraid of loosig me as a friend if the relationship went bad. The 3 of us voiced our opinions about this older guy and she's still going to date him. What do I do?

I can't take it anymore! Here is the girl of my dreams being taken advantage of by a guy twice her age who is going through a mid life crisis! Like I said her mother told her that I am in love with her. She didn't seem bothered by that. All she said she doesn't know what to do and that I would never loose her no matter what happened. I think she feels the same way about me but I'm not sure. I would get mixed signals sometimes. Am I suspossed to sit back and watch this older guy break her heart and be there to pick up the pieces when it happens? I can't even hang out with her when he is around because I want to smack him in the head! She tells me everythig is fine but I don't see it that way. When I come into work at night she is quiet and not being herself. She is keeping this relationship pretty quiet. She claims she doesn't care what people think but they are trying to hide it. I think deep down inside she nows it's wrong. I love this girl to death and would do anything for her. I don't know how to handle this. This is really hard for me to deal with and obviously is for her as well. Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thanks.

[elny1]

If she's still seeing this guy than that's all you need to know. This isn't her mothers decision. It's hers.

[elny1]

Like, you really don't stand a chance the way you're thinking right now brotha. You're trying to fix her when she doesn't even want to be fixed and that's going to backfire and hurt you way worse than you are now.

if you do like her one thing that helped me when I was in a similar position was I read a book called Double Your Dating. Sounds like you could use it to win this girls heart. The author's main phrase is "attraction is not a choice", and really you can change mannerisms and ego some to become way more attractive to most girls, and likely this one. Right now you're doing a lot of things the author would say DONT DO.

[Firetender]

I figured out I'm doing the wrong thing. I don't know if we can remain friends now that she knows the truth. We texted for about an hour tonight. She feels weird knowing that I have a thing for her now. She's happy with this older guy which is great. I want her to be happy but it hurts me at the same time. Things will never be the same between us anymore.

[elny1]

read that book i recommended. trust me it will help you more than any book youve ever read in your life.

[bulrush]

Your friendship is worth more than love? Gee, since love is so hard to find I would think love would have more value. But since she has this older bf I wouldn't do anything. You missed your chance when she was between boyfriends. Welcome back to the friend zone. You have to act to get results. Try acting more quickly next time. Isn't love worth a risk?

In the dating world I started taking more risks this year, and I am getting much better results, and I am quite happy too. It really is true: "No risk, no reward."

[Firetender]

I'll check it out, thanks for the advice.

[devonbrown]

Her relationship with the older guy is her choice. By expressing how wrong she is being, etc you are just insulting her ability to make decisions for herself. Same with her mom trying to set you two up.

Once one friend knows the other person has feelings, it does become awkward for a while. But you can get past it. As long as you both want to. But that is the rub, you BOTH want to just remain friends. If one of you still wants more or for the relationship to be different, it is always going to be difficult.

Start to look elsewhere for romantic interests. One of two things will happen - either she will see you in a different light and want to be with you, or you will be able to concentrate on her as just a friend while your romantic needs are met elsewhere.

Good luck.

[Firetender]

Love is worth taking a risk over. She obviously doesn't love me the way I love her. It's hard to hear but I'm okay with it now. I would rather stay friends and keep her in my life than try the dating scene and loose her forever if things went bad. She is the best friend I've ever had! I did start to read that book elny1 suggested. I'm starting to realize that maybe she isn't the "ONE" for me.