My GF eats rubbish all the time - I worry about her health. What can I do?

[Achilles]

I eat very clean and healthy and get plenty of exercise, so I often get called a 'fitness freak' just because I like to look after my heart. My eating/exercise practices have never conflicted with anything else in my life, I just like to be mindful about what I'm eating as I feel better and more energized when eating well.

My GF (25 years old) on the other hand eats very badly. In one week she'll perhaps have one maybe two healthy meanls (which she usually spoils by drowning it in mayonaise), the rest of the time she eats junk food like pizzas and take aways. I want to point out I'm not complaing she is fat, because she's not, though does have a bit of weight to her. I'm worried about her insides, particularly her heart.

We went for a gym induction together a few weeks ago (I train at another gym but went with her for motivation) and she was told she has a high heart rate, which only increased my worry. She has only been to the gym once since her original induction over two weeks ago (and she has a paid monthly contract for 6 months ).

Am I wrong to be worrying about her heart? She's brought the subject of marrage up a couple of times and said she wants to spend the rest of her life with me, but I want her life to be a long one, not just for the next 2/3 years. I've told her that her eating habits cause me a lot of concern and it would be a big problem should we move in together, and she has agreed to change, but this motivation only lasts around 2/3 days then something will happen where she needs to eat and can't get a good meal and so reverts to eating rubbish all over again.

I really don't want to nag, but I can't think of anything else to do. I've encouraged her when she eats well, says she looks better after eating well for a couple of days, told her how sexy she looks in her gym clothes (haha, which she now just wears around the house instead!). What can I do? Am I being unreasonable?

[smackie9]

Well it would be like telling her to quit smoking cold turkey. Changing to a healthy life style takes many months. You cannot expect her to change her habits over night. She eats crap, because her brain releases a chemical each time that rewards her.....ever see that movie "Super Size it"? If not I reccomend you find it on the net and watch it. Junk food is very addicting, the satisfaction is short lived so they eat it more! The only thing you can do is encourage her, but don't scold or lecture her. Go on line, and there are nutrition site that reccommend low calorie alternatives to certain foods, like switching mayonnaise with mustard, etc. Go grocery shopping together and show her how to read labels, and make better choices. Maybe even cook some meals for her that she can freeze, to make it more convient for her to eat.

Instead of hitting the gym, do fun physical activities, like going for walks in the park, hiking trips, toss a ball, go dancing, bike ride.....anything that doesn't seem like a chore. You want her to work out at a gym, you are going to have to step in for awhile and be right there to motivate her, show her what to do, and slowly push her more.

Don't expect her to get working out by telling her to get a membership at a gym. You have a lot of work yourself, to motivate her everyday if you want to see results.

[vashti]

Who told her she had a high heart rate? Gym staff?

No offense, but I would take their warnings with a grain of salt. In order for her to be at increased risk of heart attack, she would have to have a persistently high heart rate - not an individual value. Also, as I understand it, a higher heart rate in young women is probably not problematic. It is older women who are at risk. How high WAS it, anyway?

That said, I agree that you will get a lot further in motivating her if you do fun activities rather than work out at the gym. Gyms are boring for most women.

Also, depending on how it's made, pizza need not be considered "junk food". Maybe you should invest in a health-focused cook book, and start experimenting with healthy alternatives.

[surfhb]

Of all things to worry about in a potential mate... you worry about this? Hate to break it to you but this is the nothing to the rest of the BS you'll be dealing with once youre married. Dont get me wrong....marriage is great but its hard

[kageri]

Unless you are doing something really unhealthy like smoking or letting yourself get extremely overweight genetics are probably going to play a lot bigger part in heart health than the details of what you eat. Also a high heart rate means nothing for some people. Some feedback system in my body seems to have broken and my heart rate went from 70bpm resting to 100bpm resting. It's been that way for 2 years now and it still tests just as healthy on stress echos as before it made the jump. My family for all of recorded history which my mom has going back to when they founded the town before the state was even created have had rather horrible lifestyles and yet aside from those that died of diabetes and accident tend to live forever without ever suffering a known heart problem. My doctors are completely unconcerned and even said those moments my heart has jumped past 140 aren't a big deal aside from the fact it makes me hyperventilate. I am not grossly overweight (I was underweight until recently) and while I don't purposely exercise I remain active riding horses, taking dogs to agility, doing lower energy martial arts.... So long as the heart is functioning properly heart rate depends on a lot more factors than just your fitness level. Kind of like some people live their whole lives with what is considered high blood pressure and have no problems while others have an average blood pressure right up until something goes wrong and then there is the fact there is no actual figure for low blood pressure since the point at which symptoms happen depends on the person. We are all unique.

My point is you have given no reason to actually worry. Are there known heart problems in her family? Has a heart, blood pressure, or cholesterol problem been diagnosed by a doctor? Is she really overweight, unable to do the tasks of a basic day without getting winded, or doing something very harmful like smoking? If the answers are no then you have no reason to suspect heart problems are ever going to occur.

Now of course eating healthier could have a good impact on overall health and quality of life as you get older but you can't do that overnight. All you can do is put out the options. Go to healthier restaurants and refuse fast food stops unless necessary. Look up healthy meals you can cook that she might also eat and slowly work your way towards including more fresh foods over time. For exercise make it a shared activity. I accompany my husband to one of the martial arts classes I don't really like just because he wouldn't go otherwise and being a software engineer he sits at a computer all day and comes home to play video games and make gaming models. I drag him out hiking with the dogs, horseback riding, and to martial arts classes even if I don't feel like it because that's the only way to get him to expend energy on something. I decided I didn't want to do this other martial art with him and he's paid for 2months now without going once but he's suddenly not as busy or tired when I want him to go with me to something.

[MerryH]

I want her life to be a long one, not just for the next 2/3 years.

Do you honestly believe that she will drop dead in two or three years because she eats pizza covered in mayonnaise for most meals? If so, you are being unreasonable. This would be making your own delusions her problem to fix, and that's not okay.

But if you honestly just want her to be healthier, go to the gym with her. Only go on romantic dinner dates to healthy-ish restaurants. Like Subway, not McDonald's. Be sure not to patronize her when you give compliments.

Be very careful of how you talk about it with her. If you go about it the wrong way, she will think that you think she's fat, even if you tell her a million times that you just want her to be healthy. She will believe that you think she's a giant chunk. And then you won't be having sex anymore because she won't want to show you her hideous body and will seek comfort in cheese-based foods and fat-based condiments. And then she'll put on weight, because **** it, boyfriend thinks you're fat, why fight it? Or just...bulimia.

You wouldn't want that.