Emotional Affair?

[misombra]

i personally don't care if it's right or wrong. but if i gave my youthful years to a man who left me for some other tramp he better pay up. those are years i could've spent looking for a rich guy who would blow my mind in the sack.

[elny1]

i personally don't care if it's right or wrong. but if i gave my youthful years to a man who left me for some other tramp he better pay up. those are years i could've spent looking for a rich guy who would blow my mind in the sack.

This is why I'll never get married. If you and a hypothetical partner are growing apart, and you blame him/her for this natural occurrence, and want him/her to pay you in any shape or form for this natural occurrence because exploitable/illogical/irrational laws will side with you... Well then... way to be the better person! Ahem, let me rephrase: Way to lose your self respect!

[Wakeup]

Ahem, let me rephrase: Way to lose your self respect!

^^^ Well that is a personal perspective at best. She would be losing her self respect if she believed it to be wrong and immoral, against the laws of society was abusive to herself etc, but she went ahead and did it anyway. Since she does not think it is: immoral, it is not against the laws of society etc.. then she would definately NOT be losing her respect of self. Just because you deem her to be doing something that is against your personal morals/beliefs and you believe that she would be losing her self respect does not make it so.

You, of course could/would lose respect for her though. Whether she would care or not is another matter.

[IndiReloaded]

If I get fired from my job, I get a severance package, but they don't continue to give me a paycheck...because I'm not working for them anymore. If being a stay at home spouse, is truly the 'job' that people claim it is, then getting divorced is the same as being fired. I would have to go find another job if I were fired, so they should have to take their severance package(half), and go find someone else who needs to be ****ed and have their house cleaned, since that is their career.

Like I said, don't expect to be married to a gal who will stay home to care for your children.

[vashti]

Times have changed and millions of facets of laws haven't adjusted. For you to rely on the law's solutions instead of your own good conscience is a lack of intelligence and lack of faith in your own morals.

No, what you are saying is that because I don't agree with *YOUR* point of view, you believe me to lack morals and conscience. My own perception of moral behavior and my conscience are absolutely clear. As for intelligence, well I am having no trouble comprehending your point of view; I simply don't agree. YOU, on the other hand, don't even comprehend what is being said, which I initially thought was simply a demonstration of deliberate obtuseness, but now consider genuine stupidity.

[Tonette Watson]

I think that there is clearly something missing in your relationship for both of you. There is an emotional intimacy that you are not providing to your husband and vice versa. Although I believe that people get different things from the different people in their lives and no one person can provide you with everything you need it is really concerning that your husband anticipated spending time with his friend for a whole week.

It is suggested that you have a good look at what you and your husband used to like about each other and what you like about each other now. What do you think is missing in your relationship and are you happy to live without it?
Once you work this out book a date with your husband and get him to tell you what he wants from you.

You need to work out how to become the most important people in each other's lives again.

Remember you teach people how to treat you.

Tonette Watson

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Me either. But, like the employer that lays an employee off they give that employee a lump sum severance pay. I do think that the wronged spouse who has no other means, no experience etc. is at least entitled to that "severance."
What do you mean by "half of the assets that the other person paid for?"

I too think the person is entitled to that severance, and have stated that multiple times in this thread. What I mean by "half of the assets that the other person paid for" is, that the breadwinner is the one that actually worked and acquired the money to pay for the assets that are being split. I don't see how a stay at home spouse is equally contributing by doing menial, household tasks that the breadwinner is fully capable of doing on their own. I live by myself and I have no problem going to work, then coming home and cooking, doing my laundry, cleaning up and whatever else needs to be done at my house. For those common household chores, to be someone's full time job and for them to think that is contributing equally, when the other person is working(and I mean actually working) to pay for the living expenses of both, is absolutely laughable, but I still think they should get half of the assets. Pretty generous if you ask me, personally.

Like I said, don't expect to be married to a gal who will stay home to care for your children.

Like I said, I want an equal partner, not a live-in maid/nanny/hooker. I could never fall in love with someone too lazy to get a job. Contrary to what appears to be popular belief, anyone can be a homemaker and it's not very difficult. In fact, I do it in addition to my day job. People make it sound so difficult to clean up and cook, but I've never had any difficulty doing either, in addition to my job. When it comes to kids, I'd prefer my wife work and we split duties once we get the kid(s) from day care.


Now that I think about it...Vashti, what do you do for work? I like how you said you're "thinking" of not going after alimony...tantamount to saying, "I'd love to show that I can live without him, but I can't, so in the end I'm going to need him to continue to pay my way through life".

[Wakeup]

I too think the person is entitled to that severance, and have stated that multiple times in this thread. What I mean by "half of the assets that the other person paid for" is, that the breadwinner is the one that actually worked and acquired the money to pay for the assets that are being split. I don't see how a stay at home spouse is equally contributing by doing menial, household tasks that the breadwinner is fully capable of doing on their own.

You are delusional if you think that most guys would want to get up every morning, feed the kids, get them to school or day care, have to leave work early to pick them up etc. Not too many men are there yet, It's certainly improved but less men want to be Mr. Mom and if they are'nt, then they would have to pay a nanny, or a daycare or a babysitter to do the work. You want your wife to be unpaid labour? This isn't 1940, women now have rights to (at the very least) miniumum wage for work done whether it be outside of the home or inside.

I live by myself and I have no problem going to work, then coming home and cooking, doing my laundry, cleaning up and whatever else needs to be done at my house. For those common household chores, to be someone's full time job and for them to think that is contributing equally, when the other person is working(and I mean actually working) to pay for the living expenses of both, is absolutely laughable,

When you have two children and you're doing everything and cleaning other peoples messes that having children and running a household entails then you can come back here and we'll chat. Until then, you're speculating and you're basing your speculation on what you do for yourself without the responsibility of another adult and two children. Most women work and do all or most of the domestic chores as well. Gone is the norm of the stay at home mother.

but I still think they should get half of the assets.

It's the law (at least here it is). At one time it was not and women were sent packing if the fkd up by having an (emotional or not) affair or they fled an abuser and they didn't have a cent to fall back on. He worked and had the attitude that you do so she was left with nothing. (she wasn't allowed to work and take away a position that a man might need) It was that way for many centuries so it's about time that things have turned. If you don't think it's fair then rally your congressman for change. That's what women did back in the day to get it more equal.

Like I said, I want an equal partner, not a live-in maid/nanny/hooker. I could never fall in love with someone too lazy to get a job.

If she's working then she would likely not be entitled to alimony.

Contrary to what appears to be popular belief, anyone can be a homemaker and it's not very difficult. In fact, I do it in addition to my day job.

Like I said, when you have two children, a job and a household to run, when you're picking up the mess for three other people, give me a shout and we'll have a pow wow.

People make it sound so difficult to clean up and cook, but I've never had any difficulty doing either, in addition to my job. When it comes to kids, I'd prefer my wife work and we split duties once we get the kid(s) from day care.

That's the ideal and it certainly sounds like you'll be fair in helping your wife. She will be on maternity leave and a stay at home mom for a while after you have children. Because she's not working during that time, will you expect her to do all the cleaning, all the cooking, all the child rearing? Too many men do.

Now that I think about it...Vashti, what do you do for work? I like how you said you're "thinking" of not going after alimony...tantamount to saying, "I'd love to show that I can live without him, but I can't, so in the end I'm going to need him to continue to pay my way through life".

I don't know about in the US but if Vashti is working full time, then she wouldn't be entitled to anything but child support that would be pro-rated to her exes income.

[vashti]

Now that I think about it...Vashti, what do you do for work? I like how you said you're "thinking" of not going after alimony...tantamount to saying, "I'd love to show that I can live without him, but I can't, so in the end I'm going to need him to continue to pay my way through life".

I'm a nurse, idiot. I work full time, and I make pretty decent money, and certainly enough to support myself. And he IS going to pay alimony. A LOT of it. And I don't feel bad about taking it, either. And I am also taking half the assets. And be afraid: I don't even hate him. And though of course he would rather NOT pay it, he doesn't begrudge me it, either. He knows I earned it.

Also, your last post demonstrates to me that you have absolutely no idea what you are talking about, and are making yourself sound dumber by the minute.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Wakeup, I'd respond to each part individually, but first I want you to find a single post in this thread where I said stay at home mom or stay at home parent, and not stay at home spouse. Children change everything, including my viewpoint on the person's contribution. I agree that raising children is difficult, and a fulltime job(though usually shared between parents), and is fully deserving of compensation. I'm talking about a stay at home spouse, that has no obligation other than maintain the house...it's easy, and any able-bodied person can do it.

As for this hypothetical family of mine, I enjoy cooking and feel a personal obligation to clean up after myself, but I would hope my wife wouldn't just let the kid run wild all day and then leave the house a wreck and expect me to clean it up after working all day. As for child rearing, I'd like things to be equal and look forward to teaching my child to read, play sports, and basically be the shit in every way, but I am going to negotiate heavily to get out of changing diapers...

I think we see eye to eye usually, and when we don't it's usually just a misinterpretation, as I believe it is in this case as well. From our interactions, you've always seemed to be a very respectable, level headed woman, and this thread has only reinforced that. I just wish you weren't such a rare bird..are you single?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I'm a nurse, idiot. I work full time, and I make pretty decent money, and certainly enough to support myself. And he IS going to pay alimony. A LOT of it. And I don't feel bad about taking it, either. And I am also taking half the assets. And be afraid: I don't even hate him. And though of course he would rather NOT pay it, he doesn't begrudge me it, either. He knows I earned it.
Also, your last post demonstrates to me that you have absolutely no idea what you are talking about, and are making yourself sound dumber by the minute.

You keep calling me stupid, but you never address the issue..answering my question with another question is not addressing my question. I'll give you an example. I'm going to ask a pefectly logical question, and you're not going to answer it.

Here goes: How did you earn rights to his future income? Child support, you deserve it 100%. Half the assets, again, you deserve it. But why should his support be extended to you, when you just said you make plenty of money?? I'm not being facetious, I truly want to understand where you are coming from and why you think you are entitled to his future earnings.

[vashti]

You keep calling me stupid, but you never address the issue..answering my question with another question is not addressing my question. I'll give you an example. I'm going to ask a pefectly logical question, and you're not going to answer it.

Here goes: How did you earn rights to his future income? Child support, you deserve it 100%. But why should his support be extended to you, when you just said you make plenty of money?? I'm not being facetious, I truly want to understand where you are coming from and why you think you are entitled to his future earnings.

See, this is the thing... I have a very valid reason why he should continue paying, one so obvious that even YOU would agree with me. But for me to post it would make it seem as though I am some sort of exception to your rule, and I don't think I am.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Goddamn, I must be psychic!

I'm gonna take a shot in the dark and guess that you wanted to be a doctor, but chose to continue to be a nurse and raise your kids?

[vashti]

???

No. Not even close. Being a doctor is a crappy job, IMO. I don't know any nurses that would want to be one. I even know a LOT of doctors who wish they weren't.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

What's with the ???...I said I was going to ask you a straight question, and you wouldn't answer it. I did, and you didn't. Psychic.

Well now I'm just curious, and I seriously doubt I'll think you're an exception, as I'm pretty staunch in my belief that people don't have a right to the future earnings of an ex...