Dilemma with boyfriend and his ex

[li500]

My boyfriend (of two years) ex girlfriend is very nice. However she took their break up rather hard. Recently they have been working on trying to be friends. I told them I was okay with this--for them to be friends because she asked him to ask me if I was okay with it. Which, i totally was and meant it. Now, though, she is asking him to do things one on one. I feel bad because she is very nice but I feel that there is a difference between being friends in the sense that they can get along, share the same friends, be on good terms, friendly whatever and being friends in the fact that she is initiating one on one hang outs between them. I told my boyfriend that I was uncomfortable with this and while I am glad they are friends I think there is a fine line to cross. I also explained how sometimes you can't have the relationship you used to have with someone you have dated, which I know that she very much so wants. I am now questioning my decision because I feel bad saying this and normally don't put stipulations on things, but I feel like it is a bit strange and makes me uncomfortable. He even admitted to me that while his ex says she wants to be friends he is getting the sense that sometimes she wishes they were together/apart of her is always wishing that they still were. Please note that I am not worried about my boyfriends cheating--he would never and completely understands how I feel. But my question is would you feel the same way if you were in my situation and am I right by saying that things have to change and that one on one hang outs is not okay. I feel so bad because she is nice but to me, there is a difference here

[James Banes]

If it bothers you then tell she needs to back off. Nice girls can steal a woman's man as much as bitches. She sounds like she can't get over and doesn't like the fact that he's moved onto you. Sometimes women pretend to be nice to stab other women in the back. Do not fall for it. Tell your boyfriend you're uncomfortable with him being friends with her and ask him to stop. Don't be a nag about it. He should understand your side of the argument without overreacting.

[Wakeup]

Now, though, she is asking him to do things one on one. I feel bad because she is very nice but I feel that there is a difference between being friends in the sense that they can get along, share the same friends, be on good terms, friendly whatever and being friends in the fact that she is initiating one on one hang outs between them. I told my boyfriend that I was uncomfortable with this and while I am glad they are friends I think there is a fine line to cross.

When you told your bf all that did he agree to not engagiing in one-on-one date-like activities with her? Did he agree to only be friendly and friends as far as group only activities go? No private chats on the phone, emails etc?

Please note that I am not worried about my boyfriends cheating--he would never and completely understands how I feel.

Yes you are worried or else you'd be fine with one on one activities. And, yes you are concerned he will cheat maybe not physically but certainly emotionally, (which often leads to the physical if the emotional continues to be fed).

As for your question: MOST people would not be okay with their bf or gf hanging out one on one with a past lover who obviously still wants their partner. If your bf had half a brain he would have not given her mixed signals and he would have left her alone with zero contact so that she could heal and get over him. My suggestion is that he back off and distance himself, refuse to meet up with her or initiate any email, phone, text, snail mail or notes via carrier pidgeon so that she can get totally over him, get on with her own life and find her own one-on-one date to do activities with. He's stagnating her progress and he's causing a problem in your relationship by continuing on with her.

Try to stop feeling guilty for pointing out that your bf is crossing a very fundamental relationship boundary by doing one-on-one activities with this woman.