I'm with my girlfriend, how do I totally forget my mini fling?

[taktak15]

I been dating my girlfriend that I really love since february.
But I had a fling just before dating her with another girl that I met in a trip, and with barely knowing each other we got a plane and spent a week holidays together in Belgium. She was the most beautiful girl I ever seen, and I think that is why I keep remembering her.
Last time I saw her was the last day of that trip. No real feelings of love. Actually deep inside me I didn't trust her. Even though she was really nice and smart.

I'm really happy with my girlfriend that is a sweetheart, and I really love her and want to spend the rest of my life with her, because she has what I really like for a woman to spend the rest of my life with.

Whereas girl #1 is just the ultimate fling for me. Incredibly beautiful, hot, elegant, great sex together, smart and deep. But lacks other things I need from a girl that would be with me forever.

My "problem" is, that I think that I remember the other girl too much. I have talked a few times briefly with girl #1, and when I do my heart pumps and I get really excited. Sometimes I recieve an email, and there is a part of me that really wants it to be that girl #1.

I think thats wrong though, because I really care about my relationship.

I see sometimes beautiful girls in the street that are somehow "similar", quite often, whereas with my girlfriend it doesn't happen.

Why am I so desperately attracted to this woman? What can I do to forget her? Or at least just look at her like I do to all my other past dates / flings / etc?

Anyone had this before?

[Mathias]

Because you're romanticizing the short time you had together. It has nothing to do with anything real.

[oldskool83]

get over it, focus on your g/f. it was a fling for a reason.

[James Banes]

Are you still in touch with your fling?

[Saya]

You need to stop talking to this girl. Ignore her emails/calls or tell her to stop talking to you because you have a gf.
I don't know if your gf knows this, but if she did then, I think that she will be hurt.... so stop talking to this girl.
Get over her and focus on your gf.

[Wakeup]

Why am I so desperately attracted to this woman? What can I do to forget her? Or at least just look at her like I do to all my other past dates / flings / etc?

Google "Limerence" (Wiki has a good explanation but it's a bit of a read) You're currently going through a limerent period. With time, and as long as you're no longer in touch with your flingette, your focus on her will taper off.. In the meantime, stop feeling guilty and enjoy your relationship. Don't mistake your memories for love because they don't mean love at all.

What you are experience is quite common.

[taktak15]

Thanks everyone. Some great tips.

To James Banes asking if I was still in touch with her.
After our trip, (January), we were exchanging emails almost everyday until it started to die out a bit. Then my girlfriend appeared, but at the beggining of my relationship I was still contacting her often. Then we contacted once a month or less, and I admit I did not tell her I have a girlfriend. I wasn't able to!
Reason why I put this post today, is because we had a half an our skype-chat conversation last night, and I experienced that adrenalie pump every time she was writting, as if I was 14.

Thanks everyone for the advice! I will stop contacting her and focus on my relationship which is what trully makes me happy.
Good luck to all!

[Wakeup]

No wonder you've been thinking about her. You've not even given yourself a chance to forget her and you've been totally unfair to your gf by keeping discreet contact with someone you fked for a week.

I'm glad to hear you are going to end contact with her. You'll soon forget about her once you start making a conscious effort to NOT think about her.


Good question, James.

[taktak15]

I just googled Limerance. Really interesting. And very accurate with what I'm feeling.

Thanks.

[Wakeup]

You're welcome.

Now keep up with your no contact after you tell this flingette that you'll no longer be in contact with her because it's best you both get on with your lives and your gf wouldn't appreciate you talking with her and carrying on an emotional affair behind her back. (you don't have to say the part about the emotional affair ). Best to close that door so that you really can get her out of your head for good. With no contact you'll eventually be able to visit your memories of your fling without having to long for the flingette.