does he actually like me or am i just a friend?

[purpleclare]

i've had feelings for this guy for almost a year now and i keep on going around in circles and i've still no idea exactly how he feels about me. my friends keep on giving me different and conflicting advice so i thought maybe just writing it all down and asking complete strangers would be a better plan. we're both now 19 if that helps.

basically me and this guy ended up in the same flat in halls and at first i didn't really take much notice of him, he seemed nice enough but we didn't really talk at first. and then maybe one/two weeks into term two of the others in the flat started to tease me about him, saying that i was in love with him and that we were a really sweet couple. i dismissed this as just a joke at first but it made me think more about him because i was being forced to. and then i realised that i did have some feelings for him, he was such a nice friendly guy who i actually had tons in common with.

we started hanging out a lot more, i'd go and watch films and tv with him in his room (sometimes alone, sometimes with others) and we'd just chill out and chat about ourselves. we actually had slightly odd conversations sometimes like about marriage, kids and holidays. however i just thought he saw me as a friend (since that how most of my other crushes used to play out) and i could actually deal with that because i liked our dynamic.

then at the end of november we were watching a film in his room (a completely depressing one btw) and he put his arm around me as we sat on his bed and eventually we just ended up cuddling as we watched. and then when the film ended he kissed me, properly. and then we went and made dinner and socialised with our flatmate and his friends who were visiting. we didn't talk about this for a few days and when i eventually got the courage to ask him what it meant now he basically told me that he didn't want a relationship with someone he was living with (the conversation was actually interrupted before i could ask him why).

since then we both tried to be normal (me more than him i think) but whenever we watched stuff together he would never sit next to me and we barely touched. the only real lapse was when i wrote him an angry letter in january telling him how much i was annoyed at him (prompted by alcohol and the fact he was flirting with another girl on my birthday). a letter we never really acknowledged apart from a quick apology from me the next day.

i tried to get over him so hard, i actually barely spoke to him all summer in the hope that that would help me to forget about him. and when i came back to uni i thought that it'd be okay, that i didn't like him still and we could just be friends. when he started flirting with my flatmate though (who has a boyfriend and he knows it) i realized that i was insanely jealous - because when it's just some randomer it doesn't really count somehow. since then it's just got worse.

apparently i smile all the time when i'm with him and the other week someone asked me if we were going out (and i think the second option was whether he wanted to date me but that could have just been wishful thinking). i asked his flatmate (who's also his best friend and a good friend of mine) whether he thought that there was something going on and he basically told me that he didn't know and i'd have to ask the guy himself.

so basically i feel as if i know we should talk but i'm scared to at the same time. i'm actually terrified at even the thought of bringing about that conversation.

i know this was super long but i thought if i wrote most of it down then it might help a bit more, thank you so much if you can even give me the tiniest insight into whatever it is that's going on between us.

[TheTooya]

Honestly, if your interested, bring up the conversation.

The worst that can happen is he tells you again that he is not interested... in which case you simply move on (sucks for a few days, but you get resolution).

[vashti]

He's not interested. You should never have moved back in with him. Is it too late to find another housing arrangement?

[TheTooya]

^ Vashti is likely the voice of reason here.

My angle is if you get rejected: you have solid reason to move on and not look back.

[purpleclare]

thanks both of you, that's partly why i want to talk to him because i need to know for sure and actually get some resolution

we don't actually live together anymore, sorry if that wasn't completely clear, but we're in the same group of friends and see each other a lot (in fact most of the time when the group is hanging out it's him, his current flatmates and me chatting) so he would be really hard to avoid if the worst happened

[vashti]

Then don't make it any more awkward by bringing it up again. He already told you he wasn't interested. And stop demonstrating jealousy when you aren't getting his attention... he doesn't owe it to you, and you are going to create needless drama.

(sorry to be blunt.)

[purpleclare]

bluntness is completely needed i think, all my friends are cushioning me a bit i think.

(i'm pretty sure that i'm not acting jealously, i'm just feeling it)