The Big Love Story

[emily0369]

So I need some straight forward advice. I probably won't like it but I'm open to it.

When do you give up? I fell in love 10 years ago and it lasted for 5 years. We were young and stupid and totally head-over-heels. It ended really badly (no cheating or anything) and it's been 5 years now. I've moved, he's moved, we've had other relationships but my mind always wanders back to him. Not only do I regret the way things ended, but part of me wishes we would have made an effort a long time ago.

Given how long it's been, I would think there's no turning back. We have no mutual friends now. We have no reason to bump into each other casually either. So anything I do would be direct and out of the blue. I'm ok with that but I need some advice. Do I let it go or make one last attempt. We're older now so maybe there's a chance to start over. If I did try to get in touch, how do I do it without looking crazy? I just want to try and reconnect...is it possible? Would a guy even be receptive to that?

Oh and to make it more difficult, he's not on any social media so I'd have to write or call him so the invite to connect thing is out the window unfortunately.

[mwahahaha]

Firstly, social media is for knobs, so be grateful hes not on yours.
Seecondly , yeah give him a call, if hes single or his birds a pain in the ass, he ll probably ride you one last time for old time sake.
Thirdly , i hope your names not susan, coz thats my old birds name , and i left her about 5 years ago. if thats you, dont bother.
hope this helps

[romantic_guy]

I agree. Give it a shot, You really don't have anything to lose.

[Superfantastich]

I think you two were together long enough for a catch up for old times sake to sound legit, who knows you may not want to even try again and doing it will put your mind at ease

[HeartIsAching]

What were the reasons you broke up? Without any real information you can't get any real advice.

[emily0369]

Thank you all for responding. I actually was not expecting anyone to say go for it. And no worries, my name is not Susan so you're safe there.

Ah the breakup, yes. Well he broke up with me without a real answer. I transferred out of state to a new college and he stayed in his hometown so I'd say distance. He might have met someone else for all I know. Maybe part of the reason I wonder if we still have a shot to reconnect is because I never knew why he ended it in the first place.

And how do you make it less creepy to say oh I Googled you and got your contact info, hope you don't mind. Oh and a new development, he is living with a female so now I'm not sure if it's a roommate or girlfriend. I really want to try to get in touch but that complicates things.

[Liebe89]

If you're still that in love with this guy I'd say never give up until you know for sure.
There's a chance he feels the same way, but us guys are stubborn... you might have to make the first move to reconnect.
The worse thing that can happen if you try to reconnect is you find out he's not still interested... atleast than you have closure and you don't spend the rest of your life wondering

As for not seeming crazy if you do decide to reconnect, obviously he'll probably be a little surprised to hear from you, but I'd just keep it casual at first. Tell him you were just wondering how he was doing, what he's been up to and maybe if it goes well be cliche and as him to coffee or something.

My 0.2
Best of luck!

[emily0369]

Thanks for the advice Liebe89. Yeah I think I'm more nervous because he may have a girlfriend. Is it wrong to try and reconnect if he does?

[emily0369]

I gave some more details, as requested.

[HeartIsAching]

Is what changed likely to still be an issue? Would you be willing to go to him?

Frankly, if he cared that little then - if he wouldn't tell you what was wrong, and just broke up with you, you'll probably wind up beating your poor heart against his wall.

But I could be wrong - what could it hurt to find out?

[ChewyConor]

Give him a call. You could easily say that your mind was wondering and you ended up thinking about him and everything that happened and figured you'd give him a call and see how he was doing. Let it go from there, he'd almost certainly be open to a friendly catch up, and you can gauge from his reactions and responses whether to ask if he wants to meet up for a better catch up. The worst case scenario (within reason) is surely that he's either got himself another girl and isn't interested at all, or holds a grudge and doesn't want anything to do with you. Either way, you waste 5-10 minutes on a phone call and you get to know where you stand.

[mala]

give him a call, i mean its five years, n u still have this feeling, so some unsettled biz is there for u top go back too. all the best...

[emily0369]

Thanks everyone, I appreciate the support. I'm a little freaked out but it's worth a shot. I'll let you know how it goes!

[emily0369]

So I actually have an update on this! Honestly, I was not expecting a response so a phone call was quite a surprise.

I did get in touch and it was a bit strange at first. He thought I may have been wanting answers or apologies. Once that was out of the way, we just chatted about other things. There was a bit of confusion on my part because we talked about trying to be friends, but he has a girlfriend so it's tricky. Then he asked if I still had feelings for him and once I said not the same way, he agreed we should try and re-connect a bit more. Do you think it's inappropriate given his current relationship status? I'm torn here. On the one side, he was my big love so if there's a chance to reconnect then I'd like to take it (more curiosity than expectations). On the other, I want to respect his girlfriend because she deserves that.

Oh and let me also mention, he asked me why we broke up even though he was the one who did it. I said that was a good question and he never really gave me an answer. That was met with "I don't really remember"...so what's that all about?

Any suggestions?