girlfriend wants to play on a sports team with the guy that she cheated on me with

[jgplanes]

My girlfriend and I have gone through a tough year. I broke her trust and her heart by continuing to speak to my ex (of 10 years) about the possibility of potentially getting back together at some point in the future. She found this out by looking through my emails and phone. This made her cold, and lose trust in me. In reaction, she began having an intimate relationship with a close friend (sex, but also romantic feelings). I soon found out about this, and in the end, we made the decision to work through it all and start fresh. Starting fresh meant no communication or friendships with any of the people that caused our relationship pain.

Just recently, she and I found out that the close friend she cheated on me with will be playing on the same recreational sports team with her. I've asked her to play on a different team or have him play on a different team. She is unwilling to do that, and says that if she can't play on this team, she'll quit the sport altogether, which is one of the most important things in her life.

Should I be ok with her playing with this guy? Am I being unreasonable to force her not to play on this team? Or is she being unreasonable for playing on a team with the guy that she cheated on me with?

I'm really at a loss, and don't have many people I feel comfortable talking to about this. So I figure anonymous perspectives could be helpful.

[GirlOne]

I think the whole relationship is over. Without trust you have nothing. What were you doing meeting up with your ex talking about getting back together? Also your girlfriend cheated on you. Normally the relationship is over at that point and you both move on having learned your lessons (I'm assuming no children are involved).

The rule is once you're seriously involved with someone (a serious relationship) all previous relationships are terminated, so if exes get in contact you politely tell them you're involved with someone else now, you've moved on and they should find someone else and not contact you anymore, or if you can't face telling them this, just ignore their emails/calls etc, they soon get the message after you don't reply to anything.

The only exception is when an ex wants to meet up - you always bring your partner so they are sitting there throughout. Hopefully the ex, then gets the message when you're holding holds with your current partner that it's over.

I only speak for girls, but when girls get in contact with exes it's totally bad news. Either they've spent weeks/months getting ready so they are hellbent on seducing the ex in the hope of getting back together (the problems of why the relationship broke up will still be there of course), or they're on a mission to prove how fantastic their life without you is so the meet-up date is just an extended break-up repeat episode on revenge and getting even/having the last word, making you feel like s***/guilty/depressed in a fun nasty way for them or they're a mess and they're using the ex-boyfriend as some sort of therapist because none of their friends tolerate the incessent whining and you're the only one left who will put up with their crap or the ex-gf wants money or some kind of favor like getting her a job or helping her fix her apartment up because she doesn't want to spend the money on a guy in the yellow pages because she wants to spend all her money on make-up/clothes to seduce other men she's not telling you about. Incidentally you're about number 10 on her list, the rest of the guys higher up the list blew her out already ...

It sounds like the both of you have used emotional blackmail ...

[Hayden10]

dump her..now

[Devilsbane]

I'm a very understanding guy and can let a lot slip by, but I wouldn't be ok with this. You made a deal, if she wants to break it then you are free to call up your ex too. Think she would be ok with that? Sounds like you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. If she isn't willing to see that, then maybe she isn't the one.