Am broken and I cant be fix

[BrownBear082]

I've tried hard to find someone. But I cant be the person they want me to be. Am a workaholic. the first couple of weeks are great but then time goes by and I find myself in the same spot. Why do I work so much I want to be able to be financially secure. My job provides that but i have to put the hours in. My Grandfather, My father both raised me to believe and I do believe this, that a man job is to provide for his family. Even if it means nothing having the family life you want. Family is first. And the only way I know how to make family first is to make sure they never have to worry about anything.

I am without a doubt broken. I cant take my own advice. I want to reach a certain financial level. But am tired of coming home and not having someone there waiting for me. I want to feel that feeling of looking into her eyes, holding her in my arms. I dont want to be alone anymore. I cant give up my work tho, not when am so close to my goals. Like i said Broken.

I dont want to settle for someone who will take me just b/c am financially stable. Even tho i use it to get women. I am my own worst enemy. But I shouldn't have to be alone.I shouldn't have to be afraid of meeting someone only to find out they only want my money.

Do you know what i do when i get off of work. there this 30mile stretch of road that travels along the ocean. I love it. I love pulling over and watching the sunset over the inner-coastal. I enjoy waking up in the middle of the night and going outside and seeing how many stars are out in the night sky. Were I find the most tranquility is going to the beach at night and listening to the waves and staring off into the vast space. Its those times when i can think the best. And it's these times I wish i had someone with me to enjoy this. If you have never seen the sun rise over the ocean its so beautiful. and its even better during a cloudy day when the colors change the sky.

I know what wrong with me, but I dont want to change it. Like i said broken.

[Kyeema]

Do you know what i do when i get off of work. there this 30mile stretch of road that travels along the ocean. I love it. I love pulling over and watching the sunset over the inner-coastal. I enjoy waking up in the middle of the night and going outside and seeing how many stars are out in the night sky. Were I find the most tranquility is going to the beach at night and listening to the waves and staring off into the vast space. Its those times when i can think the best. And it's these times I wish i had someone with me to enjoy this. If you have never seen the sun rise over the ocean its so beautiful. and its even better during a cloudy day when the colors change the sky.

This is beautiful, BrownBear, and I don't think you're broken. You just haven't found the right woman yet. And no matter what your father and grandfather have taught you to believe, now it's up to you to decide what family means to you. Just because the only way on how to put family first you know right now is about money doesn't mean that you can't change that and find other ways for yourself...

What goals are you talking about at work? If they're so important for you why not reach them first and then step back to make room and time for your family yet to come. And I still don't get why you can't do both... there are women who have lives, jobs and money of their own and don't need their men to be home by 5 pm... be honest, couldn't it be that you just haven't found the right one yet and you're tired of looking?

Be kind and patient with yourself... unfortunately the love you're looking for is not that easy to find, but I'm sure some time soon, when you're ready, the right woman will knock at your door and you will have the family you're longing for...

Big hug
Kyeema

[BrownBear082]

I cant stop my self from working. I love my work. They say when you truly love what you do in life you'll never work a day in your life, its true. and what i told you about what i like to do is were i sat on the beach and wrote that on labtop while listening to the ocean.

Am getting to a point were I no longer want to have to wait. I just dont want to be alone anymore

thank you for kind words tho.

[Kyeema]

You know, most of us would be happy to love their jobs they way you do... I think it's a gift you got there from life. Or would you rather hate your job and have a family instead? You could be in the same place right now, without a partner, but with a job you can't stand at all...

Of course you're sad and lonely *hug* and want somebody by your side right now... who doesn't?

And if you really think work is the reason for not finding somebody, then you have to change something about it and get help.

But to be honest I don't think work is the problem here, because when you fall in love you automatically make time for the person you love. It's generally just hard to find the right one no matter what your work situation is like. So give it some more time - the right one will come for you some day!

Good luck!
Kyeema

[BrownBear082]

i spent 5hours last night sitting on this private beach no one in sight just the stars and the ocean and let me tellyou the ocean is amazing. As i looked towards the heavens I started to think long and hard about what happened. I finally just said am ok. It wasn't for me and that fine. Am special enough that if and when i do find her i'll know. I decide am not going to think about how I could have changed or what I could have done differently. I am who I am and its going to be a take it or leave it.

thank you for your kind words Kyeema.

[Kyeema]

Hi BrownBear,

I am glad you came to the conclusion that you are okay the way you are... because that's the way it is... enjoy yourself and the life you have and some day your love will come around and enrich it even more... but till then: enjoy what you already have and that's a lot!

Big hug
Kyeema

PS. I know you only by the few words you wrote, but that's enough for me to know that you're ok and that I like you the way you are... :o)))