im so confused

[UK87]

im new here so first would like to say hi

right ill just get straight to the facts - if you need to be blunt with me just be blunt, im prepared!

i am a female in my 20s and my bf is in his early 40s - yes there is a slight age gap...we live together

when we got 2gether the sex was amazing but about a year down the line the sex slowed right down to approx once a week and its got to the stage now that we very very rarely have sex anymore and its got to the stage where i am not missing it with him

he is perfect in everyway, such a nice kind loving man that i know would do anything for me and there may not be many men out there like that...we are great together..same sense of humour..like the same things everything is great apart from the sex or should i say LACK of sex.... but i have such a high labido i cant cope...

but it feels like we now have a friendship rather than a relationship.....

i dont want to hurt him and i dont want to completely lose him but this has now been ongoing for a good year... sexual frustration is causing me to be snappy...

advice, good or bad much appreciated

also whenever i mention sex we end up arguing and he says its him and not me and that he just isnt "into" sex ????

[Brionp32]

am 41 and the girl im dating presently is 24 her sexual appetite is amazing i am lucky that mine is great also and luckily i dont have to use any drugs to help in that area.. i do feel your pain though i go through spurts where the age gap bothers me intelectually not sexually and i go through a lull i would say and i need my space.. we are great friends but sometimes were just not on the same page... and maybe your BF is letting it carry over into the bedroom..

[devonbrown]

The truth is that people have different sexual appetites. Some people have high libidos (like yourself) and some don't (like your bf). That is a possibility and if that is the case then maybe that is a dealbreaker in this relationship.

But also consider this - there may be more going on than you know. At his age, he is probably dealing with multiple stresses, including his job, his house/apartment, any societal pressure on him for dating someone younger, etc. Stress lowers the sexual ability of people, and he may actually be having some difficulties performing. He may be too embarrassed to say anything, or may even not know what is going on (which is just as scary). The fact that you two fight whenever you bring up sex leads me to believe that he is being overly defensive and possibly going through something you aren't aware of.

The best thing to do, in my opinion, is to try to eliminate whatever stresses you can for him. Let him know you want to help however you can with things (without bringing up the reasons why). Stuff like that. Maybe take a vacation where he can relax and get away from the everyday things and just focus on you and he.

Good luck.

[UK87]

i know he isnt enjoying his job at the moment..he has no other worries that i can think of... he has no bills or anything like that... i deal with everything

we have been away on weekend breaks etc to get away from eveything and been on holiday and still nothing...

the last time we were initmate in a sexual way was like 4 months ago... driving me crazy and at the moment its all i think about

i feel like i am a nagging cow but its getting me down lately ..in the last year we prob have been intimate approx 8 times if that....

[devonbrown]

If he isn't enjoying his job, that could be a major stressor that he is even trying to minimize when he talks to you about it. And you said nothing else that you can think of... but there may be things that you don't even know about.

Would you consider suggesting couples' counseling to him? If your relationship is going to progress, you have to get beyond this hiccup. Or maybe it is at the breaking point. Maybe you need someone with a higher sex drive. Guys ht their sexual peak much younger, so maybe you need to be dating closer to your age.

Good luck.