LongRead, BUT I NEED HELP! please read:)

[jemoerder]

Give her time or take action?

Hey now,

Me and my girl are together for almost 2 years.. This is gonna be a long one but i hope someone takes the time because im in a nasty situation and i REALLY want to save my relation ship!!!!!

So last wednesday we were on the phone. Sshe asked me what u doing.? Cuz she wanted to see me, I told her I was grocery shoppping and had some work for uni to do.
Little did I know, she was already at my house for a suprise visit (read sex).

But in fact I was on my way to a friend. I told her tthis lie because I feel uncomfortable telling her I'm rather with a friend for one night than her. I already spent 5 nnnight in a row at her place.
So she calls again, knowing I'm lying and I own up. I say I'm at a friend I'm sorry for lying.
She told me that she needs a while to think about this. I went immediately at her house to apologize and talk ik over. She was calm and cool about it. Said that it was really low of me and she believed I was at a friend and wasn't cheating or anywhing. I lied and that hurrt her.
So we said let's both think about it and talk another time. We said goodbye, hugged, kissed and she told me she loved me.

Next day I send het an email, thanking her for the conversation, that I will respect her wish for space and thatt I love her. Also I said don't hesitate to contact me so this won't become any more worse than it needs to be.
Reply:
I won't contact people who do such low things. I don't wanna hear your lying voice.

I tried calling her twice after that. Next. day I sent a text saying let's not waste time .. Ignoring each other won't help the situation.. No reply.

Next day ( yesterday) I did not contact her at all. And she did not contact me.

Today I sent her a text wishing her well because she will have a dancing tournament later today.


What should I do now? I know she needs space but on the other hand I screwed up (for a stupid reason I might add). So should I look her up actively to show I'm sorry? Or give her space because she already knows I'm sorry, whty I lied andd tried to explain, and alreeady went to her house the night it happened.

Should I contact/meet hher? Or should I give her space? I don't wanna give her space and later find out she hated that I did not try harder to make things up.

Still her text saying I had a dirty lying voice was pretty harsh..

Also I will be leaving for 5 mmonths to study abroad and this has been a hot topic before we had this problem.. Trust and if we could work without seeing each other for so long. We kjust worked it out and then I go and to this stupid thing.


So what should I do? I want to give her space but maybe she will interpret it as not caring.. Or maybe she becomes agitated that I not give her the space.

I don't wanna lose her.......

[smackie9]

She is trying to inflict pain onto you for a simple stupid lie....she is making a huge deal over nothing. Since you are leaving for 5 months, she will become impossible to deal with just like she is being now, and will question you constantly making your life a living hell. I can guarantee you will want to be single when you are away, and not being bitched at by a jealous psycho GF. Break up with her.

[Wakeup]

Go away for the 5 months a free man. Thank your lucky stars you found out now what an unyielding beotch your EX girlfriend is. You'll be glad you're free to pursue other woman when you're away. Do not call her and play into her manipulation again. If you have to lie to a girlfriend just because you want to go to a friends house instead of seeing her for the 6th day in a row then you're better off alone then with a shrew like her.

[jemoerder]

i have been posting like crazy.... i realised that instead being a internet though guy i went to her house, texting her that i was coming around.

when i arrived all my stuff was neatly packed in a plastic bag. we talked for about an hour. no crying, screaming, begging, just 2 adults talking it over, '

she made clear she cant live with a liar. she still loves me very much. and you know what?

im actually at peace with her decision, for the moment anyway. I have hurt her and she has learned me a valuable lesson. when she is mad she cant show any emotion. i wanted to scream, shake the * * * * out of her but i was totally numb and could only talk. i wasnt being desperate. for once i have been honest and it felt good.

of course i will miss her cuz she is my everything, and i will never forget her . the things she introduced me to, her view on life, her bad and happy moods. the good and bad times.

all this time i was looking for an excuse to make everything ok without REALLY realizing what i had done to her. it wasnt just this isolated incident not that i ever cheated on her or anything.

you know how it is in a relationship, you cant give the facts and expect to others to really understand. if you want to explain it to anyone they should have been at each moment the 2 of you were togheter, all the unspoken things, all the little joys and frustrations etc..

i cant say she is overreacting. i respect her decision and of course i hope she will change her mind but icouldnt blame her if she didnt. i made up a lie for ...? what exactly? nothing ! an easy way out . i have been doing this all my life at school and jobs. if a lie got me closer to my goal i would not think twice about it.

she has been my first REAL love and REAL relationship (at 24). i thank her for all the moments. so i wont be needing any more advice

[MerryH]

I'm surprised by the name-calling in this thread. He lied about something ridiculous and trivial and she's a jealous, psycho, shrew-bitch? He didn't say he lied because she would get mad, he said he lied because he's uncomfortable telling her the truth. I saw no indication that his lies are her fault in any way. Plus, he went on to say this:

i made up a lie for ...? what exactly? nothing ! an easy way out . i have been doing this all my life at school and jobs. if a lie got me closer to my goal i would not think twice about it.

I know you said you didn't need any more advice, but here it is, anyway. Stop dating people until you can figure out a way to stop being a liar. If you keep lying, all your relationships are going to end up the same way.

[smackie9]

You both could have worked through this. You lied for a reason....what is the reason? She is clingy and needy and couldn't handle the fact you wanted some time away from her to do something else? Or do you assume she would have a fit and argue with you about hanging out with your friend, so you figured you just shoot her over a lie to avoid a confrontation?

[smackie9]

I have a funny feeling there was more than one incident through out this relationship that led to this, because no one gives up that easily over one lie when they are in love.

[Wakeup]

I have a funny feeling that he's lied to her more than this once now as well. Yes, he WENT ONTO say he's lied all hils life so I suspect that when she broke up with him it was the straw that broke the camels back. Op gave the impression (to me) that he found it easier to tell her a lie about going to his friends because she would give him a hard time about it ~ Particularily because he (also) went onto say that he'd already been with her the previous 5 days. (giving the impression (to me) that she's clingy and demanding. Hence why I figured she was shrew bitch. I'm kinda thinking she still is but I don't blame her for being one as much as I did prior to OP second confession.

I also still think you'll do better to be going away a single man. Particularily if you're a chronic liar.

[smackie9]

Sad but it's the truth lol.

[jemoerder]

im not a chronic liar! ofcourse everyone has lied here and there, white lies. At the point i wrote the second post i just broke up with her. she had me convinced i was a bad person and a chronic liar which is not the case

we had trust issues for a long time and the last couple of months were really going well actually. no more problems and if there were we could really handle it well without drama.

i think she broke up (or is it a break i dont know at this point )because she just has been hurt so much by this event. she wanted to suprise me at my home with some lovin and while she was at my home i was telling her i was home!

i know this is pretty ****ed up and i admit it is totally my fault. nothing she ever did has given me an excuse to lie like this. its just she NEVER EVER suprised me before. i told her i was staying home instead of going to a friend because
i ddnt want to hurt her feelings (which i probably havent hurt if i told her straight up). i wasnt planning on going to friends actually.

she now has picked up her stuff gave back the ring i gave her and she wore each day for 1.5 year. she didnt want to stay, she said im not a bad person and she still loved me (i had to ask). she said : i dont want any contact for a while.

next day i dropped her last stuff at her house, i knew she wouldnt be home. i talked to her mom about it (she started about it ) . she told me she is in pain and goes cold as soon she is hurt .

i have a hope in my heart that we can work it out. she is my girl. actually she started talking about moving in when i got back from the study abroad period.

maybe im just kiddin myself. im asking myself "did she really say she broke up with me or is this just a break for her?"

SHE PICKED UP HER STUFF AND GAVE BACK THE RING SHE LOVED SO MUCH.

i have to have hope its all i got. im gonna give her a few days. gonna call her. hope she picks up, invite her to get something to eat. if she doesnt want to i will write her a letter straight from the heart,

i want to look back on this period and that i can say "i did everyting i could " .

[smackie9]

A girl doesn't dump someone she so loves over a few little white lies, and from her moms report on how hurt she is......you are in such denial. Not sure if you will ever learn from this experience.

[jemoerder]

in denial of what? or how much i hurt her?
that she dumped me?

[jemoerder]

???? well?

[smackie9]

You know we need to look at the obvious here....you have a history of lying, you are going away for 5 months to study abroad, and she busted you in a lie.....She has just made the decision that it's not all worth all the hassle, she can't trust you, so you blew it.....there is no going back now, because it's too damn late. There is no sense in bickering on here about it.....BUT you don't have to acknowledge anything that is posted on here.......one last word ....just enjoy your time away and move forward in your life.

[Tanguerra]

Lying is not on I'm afraid. Especially lying about your whereabouts to your girlfriend. Especially lying all the time to everyone and thinking that's OK. If you don't understand that honesty, trust and respect are the building blocks of every relationship, it's time to learn that now. Seems to me you might be learning it the hard way.

Yes, if you really, really love this girl and you want to make it work give it a rest for about a week (long enough for her to get over her anger and start missing you. At the moment you're probably just making her angry over and over again). Then try a really good, well thought out proper hand written letter and post it the old fashioned way in the mail. Don't invade her space by hand delivering it. Don't invade her space by sending texts and emails. That would be disrespecting her wish for you to leave her alone for a while.

Acknowledge you made a dumb mistake. Apologize for being dishonest, hurting her feelings, destroying her trust. Promise never to lie to her again. Confirm that you love her and don't want to lose her. Ask her if there's anything you can do to make it up to her. Respect her decision to go your seperate ways if her mind reallly is made up. That's all you can do. That's it.