Drunk night - total change of relationship dynamic

[breydev]

hi, recently an event between my husband, some others and myself has changed the entire dynamic of the relationship, but first ill give you a few detailed about what got us to this point.

My husband is 27, i am 29, we've been married a year, and were together 18 months before we married. We lived in a small city about an hour away from a big city, my husband decided to go to uni and got into one in the big city...so we decided to move there, knowing no one. I had a fairly good job, not paying much but it kept me happy, when we moved to the city i managed to get a far better paying job doing the same thing. So having no friends my husband and I became quite freindly with my office mates, having after work drinks etc. my husband has a casual job and hasnt made any real freinds, but he got on quite well with my office mates...which are all men... only one other woman there, the receptionist, whos 20 and doesnt really have anything to do with the rest of the office socially.... So this is where the problem started...

One night after having drinks with my husband and the office guys a few of the younger guys (30-45, still older than us)including the part owner/owners son, went out on the town, we'd been invited before but never went out, but this time we did. We went out for a fairly big drinking session, which turned into a taking other stuff (we'd only ever smoked a little pot every now and again)..we first had speed, and eventually lsd...my husband and I were really out of it, having never done stuff like that before....we ended back at the company owners sons apartment and continued to party, music, drinking etc, things got really loose and before I knew it I was having sex with all 5 of them including my husband right there in the living room.... not my finest moment....

So after the two day hangover, it was back to work on monday..and obviously things were different at work, but that wasnt the problem... after a few weeks of my husband being a bit off, hes totally gone crazy... So this is where i need the advise...

He wants me to quit.... I say "its not like i cheated, you wanted me to do it"
Am i right in not quiting, i wouldnt make him a job if he happened to be working with someone he had slept with.

He doesnt want me to to socialise with them anymore..... I say "they are my only freinds here, and again you wanted me to do it." Am I right in not just totally barring my work mates cus of it?

He doesnt want to hang out with them anymore... should he just get over it, its not totally wrong to do stuff like that

Suddenly my work atire is not acceptable to him... i havnt changed what i wear to work, but now its "too slutty", he doesnt like me wearing short skirts, of g strings to work....

and the final thing...probably what causes the biggest problems is that a most of it was caught on camera phone...and my husband keeps telling me that i have to get them to delete it, or maybe try to sue them to delete it.... and I keep saying "Im not going to try and make them delete it, cus there would be no way of making sure its gone, so why ask

now things at work are still great, i still get om well with everyone, theres no weirdness, we still make the odd joke or remark about it... but it seams my hiusband and I did something, and now he thinks my work mates are the enemy... so i'd like to know what people think i should do, or get my husband to do.... im considering getting a hooker to join us in bed...kind of like evening the score....any thoughts would be great.

[surfhb]

You probably seriously dented your relationship. So this was just some random act? Fairly extreme behavior

[breydev]

This was a totally random act which we both wanted at the time..... I dont know whether he is just being immature or i should quit.....

[pisces25]

Seems the whole incident has made him insecure and I don't blame him. I suppose if you want to respect his wishes quitting would be a good idea or if you truly believe you did nothing wrong don't quit but be prepared that hubby might leave the relationship. Unfortunately one bad mistake can be all it takes for someone to lose all trust. Like you said the dynamics have changed and it is probably going to take a long time for that them to change back.

[MaidenMinx]

Jesus!!! For some reason I thought this might be a laugh when I read the title but I am left thinking WTF?!?!?!?! (and why the hell isn't harm minimisation taught in schools rather than war on drugs but that is completely off topic.)

I'm sorry, I agree with your husband. LSD is an intense drug and should never be given to anyone for a first time under such circumstances. The speed would have made you all horny enough but to throw acid on top of that is scary stupid. Honestly I thought people would know better.

You might be ok with what happened but your HUSBAND isn't. You know, the man you promised to love for the rest of your life? Yes you should respect his wishes, and unless you want to be used by your work mates again, I don't understand why you don't want to get out of there again.

But here's the worst bit, the fact that this has happened on mind altering substances, there is no guarantee he will ever get over this. You may have mentally scarred him for life. Way to go!

[surfhb]

i wouldnt make him a job if he happened to be working with someone he had slept with.

WOW! I wish my wife would be so understanding

From where I sit, you need to quit and start over somewhere else. This is your husband, not some BF

I honestly totally respect you for going back to work and treating this like its no big deal. Kinda of funny actually

[breydev]

screw u MaidenMinx i didnt do anything wrong, he wanted me to do it, he's said before its one of his fantasies..the only reason hes pissed is cus we see these people regularly... i just think hes being immature about it

thank you surfhb, i think he just needs to man up and accept his actions, not screw with our life cus hes had his wife gangbanged whle on drugs

any thoughts on the whether i should have a threesome with another chick...

[surfhb]

This is a tough one. Its hard to give you advice since i would never let my wife get gang banged by a bunch of co-workers. I think you need to stop with the threesomes and gangbangs. They cant be good for a relationship.

So would you agree your marriage is more important than any job or "friends" who gangbang you? Once you answer that question, then you can move forward to a resolution. If it means quitting your job because your HUSBAND now realizes he made a mistake and is insecure about it, dont you think thats reasonable? Just curious...and Im not judging....arent you at all embarrassed about what happened? I mean, this is your job too.

Made my night on this one!

[MaidenMinx]

Please let me clarify.

The scary stupid comment and the people should know better was more directed at the people that provided these drugs for you. Did they ask if you had tried them before?

In a way, I feel really sorry for you and your husband as a first acid trip should be a lovely experience around people you trust. Sure you were all into what happened at the time, but no one had the brain space to see through to the possible repercussions. Fulfilling fantasies on acid was probably not a brilliant idea.

Not to the aftermath, even if you hadn't had the orgy there is a possibility that your relationship dynamic may have changed from the drug use. (I can speak from personal experience and have lost friends due to discomfort after sharing too much during tripping. Many years ago I might add!) Your husband not only needs to get over the shock that the reality of his fantasy hasn't ended how he would have imagined it, he also needs to get the acid fully out his system, which can take quite a while.

If you love your husband, quit your job, find a new one and find new friends.

[vashti]

I am seriously worried about your mental health and ability to empathize if you can't see why he is disturbed. If you aren't just trolling, I suggest you get some professional help.

[Wakeup]

I think I read this story in the "Letters to the Editor" section in a 1984 copy of Penthouse Magazine.

[maxmax]

You had sex with all five of them? :-/

[hello1]

I think I read this story in the "Letters to the Editor" section in a 1984 copy of Penthouse Magazine.

I am sure this story is a FAKE. I think a lot of posts on here are fake and written by the same person. I am on another forum and this one person writes constant and I mean constant posts asking for advice in different usernames. Everyone knows they are all fake as same style writing etc but they never say anything as its a good read. I hope that does not happen to this forum.

[IncognitoSir]

I also think this is fake, if it's not, the OP is a ****ing idiot.

[lovely2082]

WOW..... 5 guys?? and my story i thought was bad .. but anyways, that doesnt justify anything. being drunk is not an EXCUSE or an answer. and yes. if i were you, i should quit. are not not embarassed or ashamed infront of any them at all? I on the other hand, the girl that me and my bf been with, was a co worker also but i no longer work there and she was single. Me and my bf are dating but not married. You do not want to jepordize a silly drunk night for a divorce right? id say quit and move on and work on ur marriage. that is the most important!!!!!