Adolscence is a very confusing time in your life. You've got a whole lot of stuff going on, you're still working out who you are and how the world works - not to mention school related stresses and strains. It's easy to be overwhelmed by it all. The good news is, you're just about through it now. Things will get better. Oh, yes they will!
Step number one: Don't be too tough on yourself. Don't criticise yourself and tell yourself you're a failure, you're no good at friendships, etc. etc. Instead think to yourself 'It's OK, this is something new I'm learning. I'll get better at this with practice." Be gentle and encouraging with yourself. It's much nicer and it works better, I assure you.
Step number two: Accept yourself. Everyone is different. Some people are naturally just shy and introverted and that's perfectly OK. Imagine if everyone was a raging extrovert! How noisy the world would be! Who would be the poets, the philosophers or the engineers for that matter? If you're good with words, you enjoy spending a lot of time on your own you'll probably make a brilliant career as a writer. Think of your strengths rather than focussing on your weaknesses. It sounds as though you're intelligent, thoughtful and even have quite a sense of humour about yourself. This is all good stuff!
Ok. Having that out of the way, some practical tips. Tremolo is right. Once you get to College things will get better, but you will also need to learn how to get 'out there' a bit more and make opportunities to meet people happen, otherwise you will just take your shyness with you. If you're not much good at parties and making small talk with strangers (you're not the only one in the world I assure you) make sure you join some groups and start by making acquaintences. Friendships will follow. The more people you know, the more chances you have to get invited to things. The more you get invited to things, the more likely you are to meet people. The more people you meet the more chance you will meet someone who is just right for you.
Do you play a musical instrument? Find an orchestra to join. Do you sing? Find a choir. Do you write? Find a writing group. Do you want to learn a language? Find a language class. Have you always thought it would be cool to learn fencing? Join the fencing club ... The more you get used to just being out and about with real people the less it will feel strange. Doing some kind of group activity like this gives you a focus to take your mind off being shy and takes the edge off having to talk to people all the time.
Making small talk is a skill that takes a bit of practice. Some people find it a bit weird at first, especially if they're not used to it or have a certain personality. But, you need to learn how to do 'small talk' to get on in the world, even if you don't really see the point of it. The trick is mainly to have a) some kind of conversation starter b) listening skills. If you're a shy person, find an extrovert and let them do the talking! They'll be happy to oblige, especially if you ask them a question about themselves to get them started! It can be anything (it really doesn't matter I assure you): So, where are you from / seen any good movies lately / what kind of books do you like / do you prefer cats or dogs / did you see that story in the newspaper ...
It really is that easy. Listen to what they say, think of another question or your own anecdote related to that topic. It's a bit like playing tennis. You have to hit the ball back over the net to keep the game going. It's probably wise to start a conversation on a topic that you find interesting (like movies maybe) but keep it fairly 'bland' for the first conversation with a stranger (I'd save the 'Rear Window' story for when you get to know each other better!) 'So what kind of cats do you like?' 'My favourite director is Alfred Hitchcock, have you seen any of his films...?' As a last resort you can always start off by making a remark about the weather. It's an oldie, but a goodie. "Wow, how about that storm last night? Did you get any damage to your house... "Boy, I think it's going to snow tonight, what do you think...." It's smart to end with a question to give the other person a chance to hit the ball back over the net, eh?
Remember to smile and listen and a conversation will take its own course. If you run out of stuff to talk about (or the other person is really just very, very boring) just say 'Well, it's been great chatting with you, gotta go now. Bye!' Simple.
Hope this helps.
Last edited by Tanguerra; 12-10-11 at 11:12 AM.
"The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on. It is never any use to oneself." - Oscar Wilde