Never said I love you

[skydive88]

Several years ago I went overseas for work. There was a guy there who was hired around the same time I was to do a similar job that I was doing. Long story short, we ended up hooking up. Before it progressed very far, I made some ground rules- we both were only there for a short amount of time (it was contract work and our contracts were up at after only 3 more months) and I didn't want a relationship or want to get attached to anyone. So the rule was that we just would hook up while we were there, and if I found someone else I wanted to hook up with, I was allowed to do that. Well, unfortunately these ground rules made it so that I let down all of my usual walls and barriers and I ended up falling in love with this guy. Not just falling in love, but fell so madly in love with him that I've never felt what I felt for him for anyone else before or since. At the end of our contracts, we said a tearful goodbye and returned to our respective corners of the U.S. We were both moving on to new contracts and we knew we wouldn't be geographically close to each other. About 2 months into my next contract I realized I was miserable and unhappy without him. We still talked on the phone and I was ready to quit my job and move to wherever he was. At this point, though, I never told him how I felt, because I was worried that would jeopardize our relationship since having feelings for him was against the ground rules I had established. I hinted several times about meeting up with him, but he never responded in a way that made it seem like he wanted to see me. So I finally accepted the fact that he 'just wasn't in to me' and I've since moved on with my life. Sort of. It's been 9 years since I've seen him, 3 years since I've emailed him, yet he's still in the back of my mind and I can't get rid of him. How do I bring closure to this past relationship so I can move on to other relationships?

[bulrush]

You have to admit to yourself that it's really over, and you will find someone else you like soon enough. Stop dwelling on the past and date some more people already!

[Phoenix23]

Outlining how you really feel to him, how you felt then and how you feel now. Assuming you can still contact him (try to).
Don't worry about how he takes it, just let him know.

The problem is you're dealing with regret about not doing everything you think you could have to push for it to work.
If you finally lay out everything for him then he may want to get back together or he may not, but either way your mind should be more clear having done so.

I hate to say this, but you may have read the situation wrong originally. Maybe he was into you but just didn't want to seem like he was too desperate to get back with you, because of the ground rules you had laid down initially perhaps? For all you know he has agonized over you in a similar way. You could have been more direct and laid your cards all out on the table for him, then you would have gotten a definite answer - Either he felt the same way and was hiding it, or he really wasn't interested. But if you truly felt he wasn't interested then I don't believe you'd still be letting this trouble you. I think part of you wonders if he really was, and that's the problem. The only way to deal with it is to get back in contact with him and find out.