Nothing Works for me.

[Leona77]

Hi Franklin,

Do you have a good personality? Are you an interesting person?

Because you don't seem very likable, based on your posts. Actually, you seem boring and tedious. Are you always like this?

I was just about to say that!!! After having seen your posts, where you mostly argue everyone's points, I am not sure I would be interested even if you looked like Prad Pitt...
The most important thing is to change how you feel about yourself and to accept who you are with all the good and bad things about you...
If you don't even like yourself, how do you expect others to like you?
I suggest you take a more serious approach to this and do more councelling or you'll end up bitter and your self-esteem will drop even lower. This forums is not enough

Good luck and I honeslty hope you are not going to put my post in quotes and disect it to show me just HOW WRONG i am...

[Franklin]

Hi Franklin,

Do you have a good personality? Are you an interesting person?

Because you don't seem very likable, based on your posts. Actually, you seem boring and tedious. Are you always like this?

Why do I seem boring to you? This is an internet forum, not a party. It is impossible to know if a person is boring or exciting based off of an internet forum. Your posts don't seem exciting, but it would be foolish of me to say you're a boring person. What are you expecting me to say?

I was just about to say that!!! After having seen your posts, where you mostly argue everyone's points, I am not sure I would be interested even if you looked like Prad Pitt...
The most important thing is to change how you feel about yourself and to accept who you are with all the good and bad things about you...
If you don't even like yourself, how do you expect others to like you?
I suggest you take a more serious approach to this and do more councelling or you'll end up bitter and your self-esteem will drop even lower. This forums is not enough

Good luck and I honeslty hope you are not going to put my post in quotes and disect it to show me just HOW WRONG i am...

Again, I have not argued against anyone. I have simply stated facts and experienced about my situation.

I do like myself. I have been very serious and made many changes in my life. I am an interesting person with a good personality. Being witty and making women laugh doesn't work for me. Dressing well does not work for me. Having a job does not work for me. Having confidence to talk and ask women on dates have always failed. I'm not making this stuff up. I know I have plenty of good qualities. A lot of people have told me that I have many good qualities. I made this topic to get help. I know what I have as a person and so far women are disinterested in what I have to offer and turned off by my looks.

More Counseling isn't going to change anything. I know I am a good person. Counselors have all said the same thing about me being a person with many good qualities and advised my parents(when I was a minor) to get me corrective surgery. I also advised by college counselors to get corrective surgery and that I did, but my situation is still the same.

[surfhb]

Why do I seem boring to you? This is an internet forum, not a party. It is impossible to know if a person is boring or exciting based off of an internet forum. Your posts don't seem exciting, but it would be foolish of me to say you're a boring person. What are you expecting me to say?



Again, I have not argued against anyone. I have simply stated facts and experienced about my situation.

I do like myself. I have been very serious and made many changes in my life. I am an interesting person with a good personality. Being witty and making women laugh doesn't work for me. Dressing well does not work for me. Having a job does not work for me. Having confidence to talk and ask women on dates have always failed. I'm not making this stuff up. I know I have plenty of good qualities. A lot of people have told me that I have many good qualities. I made this topic to get help. I know what I have as a person and so far women are disinterested in what I have to offer and turned off by my looks.

More Counseling isn't going to change anything. I know I am a good person. Counselors have all said the same thing about me being a person with many good qualities and advised my parents(when I was a minor) to get me corrective surgery. I also advised by college counselors to get corrective surgery and that I did, but my situation is still the same.

OK...So what can we do for you? Youve been offered advise ?

[lizzy-bet]

The only way to know is to have a video chat and see your mannerisms and personality. It seems from your posts that you are not a very intuitive person, you perceive things at face value and you argue them as such. Of course there is nothing wrong with this, I've seen plenty of people who are the opposite and read into things that are not there instead of taking things at face value. Again, I would only know this if I could see and talk to you at the same time. If this were the issue, it would explain why you are having a hard time finding women that are compatible with you. Compatibility has a lot more to do with how you are perceived than anything else. I never dated anyone until I was 19 because I was awkward and not compatible with most guys in my age group. What about girls who are engineers or science majors, have you talked to any of them? I would be totally willing to chat with you on facebook or gmail if you want, and I'll tell you what I think.

[MerryH]

Why do I seem boring to you?...It is impossible to know if a person is boring or exciting based off of an internet forum.

It's not impossible to get a sense of someone's personality based on what they write on an internet forum. There are many posters here who are highly entertaining. They write with a voice, with style. It's not difficult to make the jump from that to guessing they could be entertaining in person. Based on how you write here, I can guess that it's likely you are uptight and somewhat robotic in person. I will say with certainty that you are definitely a negative person.

So what kind of help are you looking for? Everything that has been suggested to you has been met with "Nope. That's not it. Nope. That's not going to work. Nope. That's not true." Do you honestly believe that you are perfect in every way and there is absolutely nothing you can change in order to have better social interactions? If so, then what is the point of this thread? If you believe that there's nothing wrong with you and that nothing will work, case closed. Nothing can be done. (I think this is actually the case, so I'm done here. Good luck with everything.)

[hotdawg78]

I havent read all the posts on here so i apologize if im repeating stuff thats already been said.

In my mid twenties to around 30 i suffered a condition called body dysmorphic disorder. I couldnt leave the house along for fear of how i was being percieved by people. I was convinced i was a vulgar looking guy and no one wanted to really know me even tho i am a funny chatty guy when im relaxed around people. I promise you your problems are coming for how you project and view yourself! Girls like a man to be confident, looks arent as improtant as you think. When i was how i was i was sure people were making negative comments about me, calling me ugly, looking at me funny.

My early thirties a lot of things changed around the same time and it gave me a massive confidence boost. I started walking tall with my head up, looking people in the eye, making jokes around people, dressing well etc. All of a sudden people, strangers even, are telling me im hot, girls are coming up to me because im cracking jokes and smiling and often the centre of attention when were out. Im 33 and just broke up with a very hot 22 yr old after two years. Before i met her i was getting with a lot of girls but my ex stole my heart. 3-4 years ago if anyone said id be doing any of this id have laughed in their face then probably cried for thinking theyre poking fun at me the ugly guy!

I promise you, you improve your self confidence and how you project yourself and youll find someone a lot easier. It can be very subtle things that youre doing that you dont even notice, like eye contact. The tone of your voice, even how you stand can give so much away about how you feel about yourself inside. If i can go from one extreme to the other im sure you can do more to help yourself. Go out with friends and have fun, stop worrying about girls for the time being just work on improving yourself.

Hope this is some help. Pm me if youd like a chat

[Franklin]

The only way to know is to have a video chat and see your mannerisms and personality. It seems from your posts that you are not a very intuitive person, you perceive things at face value and you argue them as such. Of course there is nothing wrong with this, I've seen plenty of people who are the opposite and read into things that are not there instead of taking things at face value. Again, I would only know this if I could see and talk to you at the same time. If this were the issue, it would explain why you are having a hard time finding women that are compatible with you. Compatibility has a lot more to do with how you are perceived than anything else. I never dated anyone until I was 19 because I was awkward and not compatible with most guys in my age group. What about girls who are engineers or science majors, have you talked to any of them? I would be totally willing to chat with you on facebook or gmail if you want, and I'll tell you what I think.

I am not socially awkward. I am the president of a national student organization on campus. I doubt people think I am socially awkward because the majority voted for me to be president. I have many friends and have no problems meeting new people.

What were you doing that was socially awkward?

It's not impossible to get a sense of someone's personality based on what they write on an internet forum. There are many posters here who are highly entertaining. They write with a voice, with style. It's not difficult to make the jump from that to guessing they could be entertaining in person. Based on how you write here, I can guess that it's likely you are uptight and somewhat robotic in person. I will say with certainty that you are definitely a negative person.

So what kind of help are you looking for? Everything that has been suggested to you has been met with "Nope. That's not it. Nope. That's not going to work. Nope. That's not true." Do you honestly believe that you are perfect in every way and there is absolutely nothing you can change in order to have better social interactions? If so, then what is the point of this thread? If you believe that there's nothing wrong with you and that nothing will work, case closed. Nothing can be done. (I think this is actually the case, so I'm done here. Good luck with everything.)

Not everyone is a great writer. Your expectations are way too high for a forum. Some people like myself express ourselves better in person than online.

I havent read all the posts on here so i apologize if im repeating stuff thats already been said.

In my mid twenties to around 30 i suffered a condition called body dysmorphic disorder. I couldnt leave the house along for fear of how i was being percieved by people. I was convinced i was a vulgar looking guy and no one wanted to really know me even tho i am a funny chatty guy when im relaxed around people. I promise you your problems are coming for how you project and view yourself! Girls like a man to be confident, looks arent as improtant as you think. When i was how i was i was sure people were making negative comments about me, calling me ugly, looking at me funny.

My early thirties a lot of things changed around the same time and it gave me a massive confidence boost. I started walking tall with my head up, looking people in the eye, making jokes around people, dressing well etc. All of a sudden people, strangers even, are telling me im hot, girls are coming up to me because im cracking jokes and smiling and often the centre of attention when were out. Im 33 and just broke up with a very hot 22 yr old after two years. Before i met her i was getting with a lot of girls but my ex stole my heart. 3-4 years ago if anyone said id be doing any of this id have laughed in their face then probably cried for thinking theyre poking fun at me the ugly guy!

I promise you, you improve your self confidence and how you project yourself and youll find someone a lot easier. It can be very subtle things that youre doing that you dont even notice, like eye contact. The tone of your voice, even how you stand can give so much away about how you feel about yourself inside. If i can go from one extreme to the other im sure you can do more to help yourself. Go out with friends and have fun, stop worrying about girls for the time being just work on improving yourself.

Hope this is some help. Pm me if youd like a chat

I am very sorry you went through that painful experience.

I am glad this worked for you. I have self-confidence and it has not worked me at all. I do everything that has helped you attract women such as dressing well, making people laugh, walking with my head up, etc. Done of that works for me.

[lizzy-bet]

I am not socially awkward. I am the president of a national student organization on campus. I doubt people think I am socially awkward because the majority voted for me to be president. I have many friends and have no problems meeting new people.

What were you doing that was socially awkward?

First I'll point out that I never once called you, or myself for that matter, socially awkward. Plenty of literal, perceiving people have very successful lives and jobs but are lacking in the love department. My best friend graduated summa cum laude in Mechanical Engineering and builds fighter jets for the Navy at the ripe old age of 23, and she's never had a relationship make it past 2 months. A friend from college was the president of his fraternity, and while everyone liked him, they all thought he was cocky and full of himself. However, he got the job done and graduated top of his class. He has a girlfriend, but he ends up with needy and clingy girls, and has a hard time maintaining relationships.

So, being the president of a national organization doesn't really mean anything in terms of social skills. Obviously you can get the job done, and people know that. It does not mean you are popular or self-confident, in fact I think your problem is that you have very little self-awareness. My general rule of thumb is if one or two people are saying something about you, brush it off and move on. If more than three people are saying it, then it's something you need to spend some time reflecting on. I agree with MerryH that you can tell a great deal about someone's personality through their writing style. Haven't you taken a writing class and proof read papers before? It doesn't matter if it's business writing, creative writing, blogging, or ranting - you can tell the basics about someone's overall personality. You bring up your achievements in every post, mention how you are not the stereotype, and react defensively to criticism and advise. Somewhere along the line your projection of "self confidence, funny, and outgoing" is getting translated into "I think I'm better than everyone else."

If you're capable of doing that on a forum, where expression is limited to text, then it's probably worse in real life. Either that, or reading comprehension is not your strong suit... which could be possible, since you didn't even reply to one thing I said in my post.

That aside, if Mark Zuckerberg can be socially awkward AND be president of facebook, then you can be socially awkward and president of a national student organization on campus.

[Franklin]

First I'll point out that I never once called you, or myself for that matter, socially awkward. Plenty of literal, perceiving people have very successful lives and jobs but are lacking in the love department. My best friend graduated summa cum laude in Mechanical Engineering and builds fighter jets for the Navy at the ripe old age of 23, and she's never had a relationship make it past 2 months. A friend from college was the president of his fraternity, and while everyone liked him, they all thought he was cocky and full of himself. However, he got the job done and graduated top of his class. He has a girlfriend, but he ends up with needy and clingy girls, and has a hard time maintaining relationships.

So, being the president of a national organization doesn't really mean anything in terms of social skills. Obviously you can get the job done, and people know that. It does not mean you are popular or self-confident, in fact I think your problem is that you have very little self-awareness. My general rule of thumb is if one or two people are saying something about you, brush it off and move on. If more than three people are saying it, then it's something you need to spend some time reflecting on. I agree with MerryH that you can tell a great deal about someone's personality through their writing style. Haven't you taken a writing class and proof read papers before? It doesn't matter if it's business writing, creative writing, blogging, or ranting - you can tell the basics about someone's overall personality. You bring up your achievements in every post, mention how you are not the stereotype, and react defensively to criticism and advise. Somewhere along the line your projection of "self confidence, funny, and outgoing" is getting translated into "I think I'm better than everyone else."

If you're capable of doing that on a forum, where expression is limited to text, then it's probably worse in real life. Either that, or reading comprehension is not your strong suit... which could be possible, since you didn't even reply to one thing I said in my post.

That aside, if Mark Zuckerberg can be socially awkward AND be president of facebook, then you can be socially awkward and president of a national student organization on campus.

What? Where are you from? Social skills have a lot to do with someone getting job, making friends, and becoming a president of any organization. To say that social skills do not matter is completely false. Sure some socially awkward people will get positions because they are good at their jobs, but that does not mean it will happen often.

Your example about your friend has nothing to do with someone being socially awkward. 9 times out of 10 a president of a fraternity is not socially awkward. The type of women who like him does not mean he lacks social skills.

Again, not everyone is a great writer. It's foolish to believe everyone can express themselves through writing. I'm the type person who likes to talk in person. Expressing myself on a forum is not my forte.

I have not acted defensively towards the advice. I clearly said many times that I have done almost everything advised to me.

Lizzy I know how to read. I did respond to things you said because you clearly stated you were awkward before you were able to find a date and you asked me if I talk to girls with majors that are stereotyped as awkward nerds. I suggest you think before you type.

[MaidenMinx]

You might have enough confidence to talk to people but it doesn't sound like you like yourself very much. (I'm on the other end of the spectrum. I don't think people will like me ie. Little confidence, but I think I'm awesome)

The only thing I can add is to try not to stress about it. My hubby's best mate is one of the sweetest guys I know. Funny, nice, courteous. His only downfalls he is/was obsessed with porn and he is shaped much like a Teddy bear. He found his first gf at 28. He's now 32 and they've been together since.

I'm not going to parrot everything everyone else has said except to say I agree that the way you present yourself here is off-putting and if this can be taken as a glimpse of what you are, you don't seem too likable. Do you have many friends?

[lizzy-bet]

What? Where are you from?

Technically from California, but I've lived in D.C., San Antonio, Honolulu, Reno, Beaufort, Virginia Beach, Monterey, Palm Springs, and now just south of Sacramento prepping for my move in the spring to Miami. I moved around a lot as a kid, and when I joined the Marines I was stationed at several duty stations.

Social skills have a lot to do with someone getting job, making friends, and becoming a president of any organization. To say that social skills do not matter is completely false.

Yea, quote a place where I directly said "social skills do not matter" because it was never said or implied, that's you coming to your own conclusions. Just because an individual is socially awkward does not mean they are lacking social skills, a SOCIAL DISORDER means that you are lacking social skills. Many CEO's are type A personalities, and are not exactly the nicest of people or someone you'd have a drink with at the bar.

Sure some socially awkward people will get positions because they are good at their jobs, but that does not mean it will happen often.

This has to be one of the most sheltered viewpoints I've seen. Have you even worked at a large company before? Or have you even looked at who statistically is unemployed? Because it sure isn't awkward people! It's the under educated minorities and minimum wage workers who are having the most trouble. In fact, those who are traditionally stereotyped as "socially awkward" actually have the highest employment and best paying jobs in the Country such as accountants, financial analysts, computer engineers, civil engineers, computer programmers, physicists, astronomers, biologists, doctors, actors, performers, etc.

Your example about your friend has nothing to do with someone being socially awkward. 9 times out of 10 a president of a fraternity is not socially awkward. The type of women who like him does not mean he lacks social skills.

Yes, my friend is socially awkward and my advise is EXACTLY referring to this fact. He can come across very harshly with words and often takes joking around too far, and because of that most of his fraternity likes him but they find him to be overbearing. That being said, he's a fantastic person, very hard working, gives all his time to the causes he supports, good with words and speaking to large groups. He also is not exactly lucky with the ladies, given the fact that he can be overbearing and that is a turn off to a lot of women. So yea, his social skills are a direct result of the women he attracts. (and for the record, using statistics like 9 times out of 10 only help your argument when they aren't from your imagination.)

Again, not everyone is a great writer. It's foolish to believe everyone can express themselves through writing. I'm the type person who likes to talk in person. Expressing myself on a forum is not my forte.

Oh please, don't tell me what's foolish and what isn't. If anything, writing skills have way more bearing on whether or not you get a job than social awkwardness does. Ever heard of a Resume? Yea, it's on paper for a reason.

I have not acted defensively towards the advice. I clearly said many times that I have done almost everything advised to me.

I hate to tell you this, but other people have opinions, and I think we're up to five people now who all agree that your tone is defensive. If you're too thick to get it, that's not my fault.

Lizzy I know how to read.

Whether or not you comprehend what you read is debatable.

I did respond to things you said because you clearly stated you were awkward before you were able to find a date and you asked me if I talk to girls with majors that are stereotyped as awkward nerds. I suggest you think before you type.

After re-reading my post, I did make a mistake. I meant to say that I never seriously dated anyone, because I dated PLENTY in high school but never had a boyfriend. I'm also still awkward, it was just a matter of finding someone compatible with my awkwardness. Luckily that worked out for me, and now I've been married for just under 6 years. I also didn't ask you if you talked to girls who are stereotyped as awkward nerds, I asked you if you talked to engineering or math majors.

EVERYTHING ELSE IS YOU JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS AND MAKING ASSUMPTIONS FROM WORDS I NEVER WROTE

I suggested engineering majors because I think that you perceive the world the same way they do, you are very literal and take things at face value. I did not suggest them because they are socially awkward or nerdy.

All that being said, my offer that you ignored still stands. I'd totally talk to you on facebook, skype, or gmail chat for a little while and tell you what I think. I still don't think it's all that serious, you just haven't met the right type of woman because you perceive things differently than I guess the "majority" of people do, (which before you get all defensive again is cool.)