Not that into her...

[toshiba]

Has anyone else found themselves in this position?

I have been in this relationship for over a year.

Yes, she told me some things about her life up-front (very busy work schedule, weed, etc), but I was blinded by the freshness of the relationship and these things didn't really bother me until I witnessed/experienced them.

Pros:
-Physical appearance.
-Not pushing for kids, marriage at all.
-If not arguing (this is more and more), time together is enjoyable.
-Sex is good.

Cons: (btw, she told me the first two items resulted in nothing long-term for her in a while)
-Her schedule stinks, which is one of my primary reasons to have a GF, I have done enough stuff in my life alone.
-Smokes weed (literally for half her life, not stopping).
-Completely opposite views on travel (like oil and water).
-Will likely never agree on religion.
-Fairly argumentative (I am used to sweet women who are more laid back).

[Quick background: my first relationship was in my early 20's, lasted 5 years, curiosity pushed me to split up and "date" others, dates were few and far between... maybe 3 year, meeting people no where near what I liked (mostly physically), finally 4 years later I meet second and current GF.]


I know some canned replies may be:
"Does she know about this?" [yes, she even says she likes me more than the other way around]
"let her go, it's only a matter of time" [possibly, I think we are both holding onto the hope we will change for each other]
"If you have to think this much into it, it's wrong" [I tend to think logically, sans emotion].

I am looking for people with similar experiences, something insightful.

Thanks

[bulrush]

-Completely opposite views on travel (like oil and water).

I find that this is usually a very big deal. Someone really likes to travel, and the other person does not. Big red flag here.

-Will likely never agree on religion.

This is also a big red flag.

-Fairly argumentative (I am used to sweet women who are more laid back).

This could indicate a bunch of emotional or mental problems. She could have had an abusive past, or she may have a mental illness like depression. Untreated, it's a deal breaker usually. I.e. big red flag again.

I see 3 major red flags. I don't see this lasting.

[curiousgurl29]

The onlly good thing you have going for her (basically) is that sex is good. Which is, I suppose , why you enjoy your time together? So, is the sex worth it for a long-term relationship? Not judging, just a question.

[toshiba]

The onlly good thing you have going for her (basically) is that sex is good. Which is, I suppose , why you enjoy your time together? So, is the sex worth it for a long-term relationship? Not judging, just a question.

Most of what I wrote above took time to realise. Sex alone is not enough, but after so much time single and trying to date people, it was nice to actually have a GF. I suppose when I say enjoy time together I mean have someone to watch a movie with, go to events (when she can), etc.

Most enjoyment or anticipation of enjoyment is squelched by me thinking about the things I don't like about her and how we don't seem too compatible.

[toshiba]

She has vacation time in Dec and wants to go away. I am debating what to do.

[elmore44]

Those are stupid reasons for not being into someone. Either the pros out weigh the cons and you compromise or move on. Big deals are this: argumentative (shows instability and emotional issues) 2) weed smoker (takes away from looks and blacker lips) 3) lack of time -gotta spend time together too much time apart is not good. The others are workable. Sex is not everything and wears out after awhile. A lot of your pros seems superficial to me, work on the external stuff.

[toshiba]

Those are stupid reasons for not being into someone. Either the pros out weigh the cons and you compromise or move on. Big deals are this: argumentative (shows instability and emotional issues) 2) weed smoker (takes away from looks and blacker lips) 3) lack of time -gotta spend time together too much time apart is not good. The others are workable. Sex is not everything and wears out after awhile. A lot of your pros seems superficial to me, work on the external stuff.

Thanks for the reply. Yes, the ones you outlined especially number two and three are the ones that suck and will not change, there is no "working on it" as they are pretty much set in stone. Before smoking weed (going outside), she said "you will eventually get tired of it, everyone else did", and she also said (while we were discussing her schedule) that it is a reason she has not had a LTR since starting work.

My pros are superficial, but all I could come up with. Add: "glad not dating" to the superficial pros list, dating stinks.

[help_me]

yes actually it can happen (i have my own example)... as u stated that freshness of the relationship generally prevents most of the people to look what they are the expected results of a relationship. but i feel as u age with time, u needs and priority changes.. especially if u are in ur 20s... i am in a relationship for last 3.5 yrs.. and though as per people (including my bf) we make a great chemistry and share an incredible rapport (which is true). but i still feel like something is missing... not sure if u feel the same... i dnt mean to go outright and start dating others but i feel really curious what it would be like to date again... with time we have started to take each other for granted (when i say this i meant as a support).. but this at times irritates me to no limit... to sum i am genuinely giving my 100% before i make any firm decision