Not to sure what's going on.

[Cortana]

Apologies this might be a long one, just need to get things out of my head to see if I can make sense of them. Any thoughts, opinions, advice would fall on grateful ears.

I (23f) recently found out my boyfriend (25m) of just over a year was in pretty regular (or more then I thought) contact with his ex, to the extent he’s intending to send her a pretty sentimental gift (she lives on other side of the world) and they use pet names for each other, I was assured these arnt ‘pet names’ but still there names used only between them. I didn’t know how to react to the situation, I don’t mind them being in contact it was the gifts and pet names that bothered me and that the contact seemed to be fairly constant, anyways I went about talking to him about it in completely the wrong way, a drunken argument commenced. I was told to leave, so the next day I packed a travel bag.

Just before I found out that they were in contact, like a day or two before, I had spoken to my boyfriend about my ex’ (who I talk with very rarely, maybe 3 times in the past year). This made the situation feel a bit tit for tat, like if you’re going have an ex in your like ‘ so am I. All a bit childish.

It was 5 days till I herd anything. During this time, due to lack of contact, or effort on his part I had pretty much convinced myself that I didn’t want to be with someone who still had such a bond with an ex.

I was agitated he hadn’t tried to contact me. I felt like I had an issue, I just expressed my emotions about it in the wrong way (which I also explained to him) he didn’t try to put my mind at rest, he didn’t try to explain, he just didn’t seem all that bothered. When I feel like we have something to fight for, I just feel it’s his place to start that process.

When we finally spoke I felt like I spent the whole time apologising and explaining myself while he didn’t say all that much. During the conversation I questioned something I was fairly sure he had lied about in the past (nothing to do with us as a couple, just about a girl he had kissed once) he knows I would never judge him for something so trivial but he continued to lie, once I got the truth out of him. He finally seemed to see why honesty and openness was so vital for a healthy relationship, that’s going to actually work, at the same moment I realised that if he would lie about something so pointless, he’s probably not all to trustworthy (iv always felt comfortable to trust him completely) so this thought/emotion really upset me. Adding to that, I know his ex is not trustworthy in the slightest, having cheated on most of her partners that I know of, but luckily for me she’s not in the same country. Still I fear I may have two untrustworthy people on my hands. I feel like I could be being taken for a mug. He did say they were just friends for what its worth.

I stuck around till he finished work the day after, so we could speak again. He said he wasn’t expecting to see me there at all. We went out for dinner but I didn’t feel comfortable talking there, it was a smallish fairly quiet restaurant. I was pretty upset I was finding it hard to talk things over and wanted the rite conditions, on our way home he received a call that mate1 was waiting outside for him to get home, I explained I thought we had all evening to talk and that I did want to talk, his response ‘but mate1s coming round, and mate2’ this really upset me I felt he should have taken the initiative to perhaps cancel on his mates to try and resolve things with me, anyways mate1, 2, 3 and 4 came over they all drank and listened to tunes while for hours I was in tears upstairs not knowing what to do with myself. He came up once, when he saw how upset I was he just told me he didn’t realise. They next day I sat to talk with him and mid conversation, even after I had explained I was so upset because our relationship didn’t seem to matter to him as much as carrying on as ‘normal’ hanging out with friends etc .. another friend comes round, proceed them drinking. At this point I left.

I try to stay at friends as much as I can with out being a burden but the last few nights I have stayed at our home and we have gotten on well, no relationship side of things, iv been sleeping on the couch and am planning on moving away at the end of the month.

Then this morning.. One thing lead to another (what can I say, I am In love with him – it wont just quit it) and yeah, then today (he took the day off work) and although we weren’t close close like when things are fine between us, we were closer then we had been in a few weeks, kisses in the hallways cuddles in the doorways.

And now I am left totally confused, as I said I am in love with him, but the argument hasn’t been resolved and I don’t know how to approach that, without making the time we are in the same house a nightmare. I want him to say that he would fight for what we had. At the same time I know its not my place to tell him that.

This is the first time we have gone through something like this, is it just a rough patch? When things are good we have the best relationship, he makes me smile from head to toe and I am pretty sure he would say the same for me

As a side note, this is one of his more serious/longer relationships, where as for me its one of the shortest.

Apologies for spelling and or grammar, I wrote this in a rush and will continually add to it until the end of time if I keep rereading it.


Is this just a rough patch or the end?


TL;DR Boyfriend in contact with his ex, I wasn’t happy with this, lead to a conversation where I realised I might not be able to trust him, BROKEUP, still living together (until I leave) things are flirty (and maybe got physical this morning)– no conclusion to argument.