My friend is in a committed relationship and has casual lunch dates?!

[kbee]

One of my best girl friends recently told me that she posts ads online to have casual lunch dates with men to break up the monotony of work. She is in a committed relationship with her guy. She claims that she only talks with them, that she does it because it is interesting, kind of exciting, it only lasts about an hour in a public restaurant-type location, and she never trades or keeps anyone's contact info. She claims that she would never cheat on her man, has no intentions to do so, and that this stranger-lunch-chat-session is only for shits. She says that she posts these ads with clear expectations up front that it is only to have a friendly chat, and absolutely no more.

I've seen her relationship with her guy, and I've never seen any issues. In fact, she adores him with her words and actions (aside from these weird lunch visits, in my opinion).

Despite what she says, I still think this is wrong. What do you think?

[Wakeup]

Where do you come up with this shit?

[kbee]

LOL I don't come up with it! It's just there- like the dingleberries on a gorilla's ass!

I feel bad for this guy, but want to get some other opinions before I say something to her about it.

[Wakeup]

What's wrong with you telling her exactly what you said in your opening post?

Anyway, If she thinks it's peachy keen and she's totally upfront with her lunch dates so she thinks there's nothing wrong with it then I assume she tells her bf when she meets these men and what she's doing on a dating site and he agrees with it. If, in which case if he does know and he does agree with it, then like the dingleberries on a gorilla's ass, it's best you don't disturb them because it's none of your bizzneth. Now, if you personally don't agree with your friends behaviour then perhaps you're not compatible in a moral sense and you either can distance yourself from her or discard her altogether.

Now, if her boyfriend doesn't know about her little "dates" then she's just an attention whore or you made it all up and you're a troll ...

one or the other.

[kbee]

I'll thank you for your perspective and the use of my dingleberry ANALogy. But not for assuming I made that up or for calling me a troll!

[Wakeup]

Oh well, you can't please all of the people all of the time. So: Does her boyfriend know she's on a dating site meeting men for lunch or not?

[kbee]

I don't know. I will ask her. She just unloaded all this information on me, and I was kind of dumbfounded. I didn't really know what to say, and I was a little upset about it, so since I didn't really have anything nice to say, I didn't say anything at all... and I wasn't thinking about what to ask her. But I will do that. My guess is he doesn't know.

I like your 'moral compatability' concept. I had been thinking about that since she told me what she's been doing. I don't want her to think my silence about this implies acceptance.

[menix83]

um okay this is definetly odd. break up the monotny of work? what do you do that is so monotnous. well lets see how long have they been in this relationship? How well do you know this friend. I dont know if this is okay or not. I mean if found out that my gf was having casual lunch dates i would be devastated regardless of how friendly it is. I think you should definetly confront your friend on this and let her know how wrong this is especially if he doesnt know. I mean people arent sopposed to be so calous and inconsiderate.

[surfhb]

The only thing odd are the dumbshit guys who are willing to buy lunch for some dame they know theyll never see again.

[menix83]

@ kbee so whats the deal how long have they been dating ? and what kind of work does she do that requires an escape from reality? How long has she been your friend?

[kbee]

I found out today that he doesn't know, only because she didn't feel the need to tell him...she claims that it's such a non-issue that him knowing would be 'inconsequential'. She's been with him for several months, but less than a year, I know. I don't know exactly what she does, but it's something related to accounting. She's been my friend for a few years-- but the more I think about it, the more I am realizing there are things that keep surfacing that I don't really agree with.

Now that I know he doesn't know, I wonder if I should say something to him or just butt-out. I am friends with him, too. I know if I said anything to him, it would ruin my friendship with her. And if I confronted her about it, she would just shrug it off, as she seems to be doing now (after asking today if he knew)...

[Wakeup]

Of course she didn't tell him. Up to you what you do... ask your mom what she would do.

[menix83]

I know this might be hard for you to realize but you really need to tell him. I would feel kind of gross just knowing about it. But on the other is the bf a smart individual? If he is than im sure hes got a pretty good idea of whats going on, you know by asking about her day and stuff. ( being able to connect the dots) I really dont know how i would react to hearing something like that about my girlfriend. I guess i would accept it and in a way its kind of like cheating. TEEL HER TO TELL HIM OR ELSA YOU WILL.

[surfhb]

**** no! She should mind her own business !

[menix83]

Yeah but if she knows the the guy and is friends with him dont you think she has the right to tell him? or just a quick hey dude you need to keep an eye on your girl kinda thing.