I need some advice..Mixed signals

[nocomply65]

Hi there, everyone. I have a question that's terrible for me to bring up. I'm lost and feeling hurt, and from what I get, it's justified. I'm sure I already know what my answer is, I just don't want to admit it.

Bit of background, I'm 22 Years old, my girlfriend is 18. Been together for three months or so and I feel very close to her. Last year she met a guy, online I am assuming. We're from the midwest in America, and he's from London. They ended up meeting in Paris when she went on a trip for school, and theres a picture she has proudly posted on her facebook of him with his arms wrapped around her. She kept talking about going there for the Olympics next year, I know, a long time from now, the end of July next year. Which is why its difficult to bring up between us. I already brought it up once, thought I had it all pushed aside, then my thoughts never went away about it. the jealousy switch is on, and I just wish these two would have never met, since I'm with her now. So I brought it up again, but had her friend talk to her about it, and she got furious with me, very defensive. She told me before she wasn't ever interested in him, then I asked her in the second confrontation and told her to look me in the eyes and she told me she used to have a romantic interest in him. Its october now...A long time from the end of next summer, but these jealous thoughts are going through my mind now. She invited me to go with her, to make me feel better. But i honestly don't have the money, plus I dont want to go there to monitor her...I just dont want her to go to see this guy. She also says she plans on staying at his apartment...am I wrong to assume that she plans on sleeping with him? I really really dont thiink so. I did something I probably shouldn't have, I went and looked a few months back at her facebook, and there was an "I love you" message from him. Now, right in this moment, I am keeping the desire to call her at bay. Calling her and telling her to give me my key to my apartment, and get anything that could be hers and leave.

I love her. I never think about her cheating on me besides this. And she shows me plenty of affection. I have been single for a very long time.. I mean, I've tried dating a handful of women in the past five years but nothing worked out. This girl seemed special, a sort of relief, to validate that I still am a worthwhile partner.

Any advice would be great. Thank you so much in advance

[nocomply65]

oh and her big reassurance is "If I were still interested in him I wouldn't have started dating you". Thing is I've been in a few abusive, untrustworthy relationships with girls, and I may have a bit of an issue with trust. jsut please help me =[

[Cerby]

Trust is ultimately what makes things work. If you trust her, than it shouldn't matter what she does. If you don't, then it will end because of jealousy issues, be it this one or another one.

[nocomply65]

It's a little more complicated than that...I saw and "I love you" from this guy and she's going half way across the world to visit a guy she used to have a flame with.

You're a hundred percent correct though, it honestly doesn't hurt to be reminded. Thank you for replying.

[wanderlustboy]

So she's going to going to come to London by herself and spend some time with this dude? Suspicious as hell.

If it's so innocent, surely she won't mind you coming.

A bit of a tangent, why the f*** would she want to come here during the Olympics? It's going to be hell. Every sane Londoner I know is booking their holidays in the Ardeche and darkest Scotland to get away from this shite.

[nocomply65]

She invited me to come along. The thing is I dont have money for it, or at least wont. I'm just assuming, because i work for minimum wage, and a trip to london to go to the Olympics (only a day or two to the olympics, the other time would be site seeing). But yeah, haha, i assume london will be a shit hole for the Olympics.

[Red Apollo]

When you said they took a picture with his arms around her, I said to myself "Maybe they were just posing, I'll give that the benefit of a doubt." When you said she is going back and wants to stay at his apartment, I literally said "Oh hell no" out loud. Trust is great and all, but I draw the line at staying at another guys place. Let alone going over seas to do it. There is a difference between being trusting and being naive. The picture, the "I love you.", wanting to stay at his place, any one of these things by themselves wouldn't be all that suspicious. All three combined look shady as hell. She is 18, she has no idea what she wants and is still set to party mode. I'm only a year older than you, and I really think you should try to find girls a bit older.

Her reassurance is horrible. Of course she would still date you, shes 18 and this guy lives across the Atlantic. She is going to want a boyfriend she can see more than once a year. As far as her inviting you, I suspect that she knew you would say no, or that you didn't have the money. Either way, its your choice. I would suggest confronting her about it one last time, tell her your concerns. If it doesn't get you anywhere, or to a point where you are satisfied, walk away.

[nocomply65]

"Maybe they were just posing, I'll give that the benefit of a doubt." My thoughts exactly at first Red Apollo. This thing has just evolved from something small, to something really huge to me. First, She was going to the Olympics with her best friend. Then I heard her best friend wasn't going (her best friend is my best friends girlfriend)...because she didn't want to make her boyfriend jealous...and she wasn't the one who had the old flame with this guy. My luck, my girlfriend's best friend is the girl I always had wanted since we started seeing these girls. My buddy got the good girl who treats him well, and I have the girl that wants to keep me on a rope, but go and see her real true love in London. But That's just me over exaggerating in my head, but my imagination can't help but run wild.

The thing that troubles me is I like her company for right now, and she wont be going until July of next year. AND, the reason I found that I love you was because I went back on her facebook wall...something perhaps a little out of my boundaries. So I dont want to say anything and look like a creep, and I do like her company, unfortunately. The reason I looked is because I kept getting a worse and worse feeling from this.

[aylie]

"Maybe they were just posing, I'll give that the benefit of a doubt." My thoughts exactly at first Red Apollo. This thing has just evolved from something small, to something really huge to me. First, She was going to the Olympics with her best friend. Then I heard her best friend wasn't going (her best friend is my best friends girlfriend)...because she didn't want to make her boyfriend jealous...and she wasn't the one who had the old flame with this guy. My luck, my girlfriend's best friend is the girl I always had wanted since we started seeing these girls. My buddy got the good girl who treats him well, and I have the girl that wants to keep me on a rope, but go and see her real true love in London. But That's just me over exaggerating in my head, but my imagination can't help but run wild.

The thing that troubles me is I like her company for right now, and she wont be going until July of next year. AND, the reason I found that I love you was because I went back on her facebook wall...something perhaps a little out of my boundaries. So I dont want to say anything and look like a creep, and I do like her company, unfortunately. The reason I looked is because I kept getting a worse and worse feeling from this.

Wow did u just say you want your girlfriends best friend?

[nocomply65]

To start with, yeah. But the "magnets" of attraction if you will, worked in the opposite direction of what i originally intended. Its okay, I suppose, They have more in common with each other, and I have a lot in common with my girlfriend. I dont want anything to do with my best friends girl, I wouldnt come between those two, they're both friends.

We're lost in a whole mess of tangents getting far more personal than I intended this. The whole my girlfriends best friend thing is just a frustration, its not that at this point and time, i want anything to do with her.