My story & etc

[bobjtmart]

Hi all,

Around 6 months ago my year long relationship ended. It was long distance, but around every second month we would see each other for around 3-4 weeks.
She was the first person I had ever loved, though note - I'm currently 18 years of age, she was 17.

We had previously dated for around 6 months, but we broke up & hadn't talked for around 2 years. When we first started talking again, she was dating someone else, though their relationship was having problems & she for some reason vented them to me. The guy she was with had cheated on her twice, and even though I still had feelings for her, I gave unbiased info. I dislike the type of guys/girls who attempt to 'get with' someone who's already in a relationship, but I ignored my own morals because of our past together & the mistakes her boyfriend had made (I realise I made a mistake in doing so, though). She ended the relationship with the said guy after a while & we began dating around a week or two later.

At the start she was a bit clingy, she always told me that I was too good for her & that I treated her "like a princess". She wanted to start the physical side of the relationship quickly, but I didn't, as I didn't want to rush things & I wanted more then just someone to have sex with.

I began to feel that things weren't working between us, but decided that I wouldn't leave, as in my previous relationship I had experienced a similar feeling, so I thought I was being a bit of a commitment-phobe & irrational. I was kinda displaying typical "G.I.G.S" symptoms, but I realised that it was stupid being like that, as there is always the possibility that things are going to be better with someone else, and I wanted to make it work with her.

A few months into the relationship, most of her friends had randomly stopped talking to her. I don't think it had anything to do with me, but she barely had any friends which made her really upset about things. She said that she was a bit lonely & asked if I could start spending more time with her. I agreed to it, which led to me talking to her more so & doing my hobbies less. Life was crappy for her at the time (besides the fact that she didn't have many friends), so I wanted to keep her company as I hated the idea of her being upset.

She eventually started doing an old hobby, pixel art. From there she found a forum where she met people that she really liked/got along with. She began paying a lot of attention to said forum & hobby, which made me feel a bit out of place as I still hadn't really adapted, but I was still happy because she was.

I finished my final year of school & decided I wanted to have a bit of a break from school-related + she suggested that I should move closer to her & I really liked the idea. A bit later on, she changed her mind about me moving & it screwed up all of my plans. I didn't go TAFE (I'm Australian, I think it'd be the same thing as college in America) as I had planned on doing things where she lived. It put me in a tough spot as most of my friends had college/Uni, 1 of my best friends was travelling & my parents had recently divorced. It kind of led to our positions being switched, as I had become the lonely 1, and I was a bit dependent on her -- but this led to her wanting "space".

She had become a bit distant, though I didn't think too much of it, as I thought if something was wrong she'd tell me about it.
I was starting to get a bit stressed out, so I decided to go away on a 3 day trip with my aunt & uncle. While I was gone, she had begun to get closer to another guy (I didn't know at the time).

I realised we were having problems, but seemingly out of no where she told me that she thinks she needs to 'go and learn more about herself', though she said that she still loved me & would continue to wear the necklace that I bought for her, even though we weren't together. It was a bit upsetting, but I suggested that we should just go on a break instead, which she kinda agreed to.

I went to see her so we could talk about things face to face, but she said that she "couldn't do it anymore" & ended it. At the time, I was really over her crap & I was somewhat relieved that she decided to end it. Her brother went and had a talk with her though, and he said to her "If you still love him, then you can't do this". It led to her changing her mind about the decision she made, which made me feel as if she actually wanted to work on things & take us more seriously.

The day after, my brother died. I had to fly back home so we didn't really get to work things out. Three days after, she broke up with me. She said that she was no longer "inlove with me, in a romantic sense" & then a few days after that she had already begun doing things with the other guy. He apparently "backed away" from her after a while, so they're 'apparently' not in a relationship.

I can't help but miss her at times, even though she was never there for me when I needed it. Its depressing knowing that she gave up on us without even trying to make things work & that she used me to attract the other guy. The idea of relationships has really lost its appeal to me, though I guess that's probably a good thing at the moment. I don't want to get into another relationship with someone & not be able to give them my all.

I know that there was a lot of things that I could have improved on (in regards to our relationship), I was definitely no saint, but I really did try. The mistakes I made were a bit silly, but I guess everyone stuffs up sometimes. All I can do is try be better the next time around, I guess. Its rather peculiar thinking back on some of the things I done though, as I'm not quite sure why I acted the way I did -- oh well though.

At times I feel like things are going to get better, but then I eventually fall back into a slump. I know I've improved greatly since the beginning, so I guess its feasibly possible that i'll continue to improve & be rid of these haunting thoughts & feelings after some time. It has been a rather large learning experience though, and I think I've matured a lot as a person -- though I don't think it was necessarily because of her. I've managed to keep NC for around 5 months now, and I feel a lot better then what I was at the start. NC has given me a sense of clarity & I no longer look at her through rose tinted glasses.

I think that this whole situation is a bit unfair, but I guess life never really is & I accept that. Besides, I don't think I've really earned the happiness I desire yet, but with enough effort & resiliency, I'll surely get there... eventually.

Thanks to all those who've taken the time to read this.

[workingman78]

Read back through your story, and look at the points you make about her. This girl is very flaky, not to mention she is 17, still figuring out her shit. She isn't worth your time as she doesn't know what she wants yet in life. It is hard to hear but move on, she was never that commited to you and doesn't deserve your feelings.

[bobjtmart]

Yeah, I know. I no longer consider the idea of being with her again, just so you know.
Its just that its still rather upsetting that things happened the way they did though, you know?

[workingman78]

Oh trust me I know, if you want check my thread out in the "female advice" section, my ex did a whole lot of crap to me in the last couple of days (we hvae been broken up for a year). And yet it still upsets me even though I recognize she is being completely over the top.