Do you think she will go out with me if I ask her out face to face?

[amanwithaplan]

For the last year of my life I have liked this girl a lot, I’m almost 20 and I met her at work last year.

Now I know I did a number of things wrong because of a lack of experience and confidence. I met her early November last year, yet waited till February to ask for her number and asked her out late Feb/March and when I did ask her out over the phone to the movies and she said ‘yes’, I didn’t set a date or time because I asked if she was busy in the next week and she said she was and I can't remember if I said I'd get back to her or she said that, this was early March (ROOKIE MISTAKE!!!!!!, I can’t believe I was such a stupid idiot!). When I asked her out to coffee a few weeks later after the movies date call with a date and time, she said ‘she’d get back to me’ when I asked and again when I saw her the next day at work (I was there to check my schedule and I bumped into her)

I think in one of my big opportunities where I think I might have had a chance to seal something was Boxing Day 2010, we were both working and she asked me if I was going to a local nightclub on the night and I said ‘yes’ and she smiled and said ‘see you there’. I didn’t get in till about 12am because of the line and as I walking past in the outside beer garden she grabbed my arm, stopped me and kissed me on the cheek and we talked for 2-3 minutes. I couldn’t seal anything because she had to leave the club due to waking up early the next day.

I've gotten fitter in the last few months since joining the gym, went from 16.55% bf to about 12% body fat already and although I was never 'fat' whilst I've known her, I am a lot more fitter and starting to tone and gain muscle and I also got my braces off too recently So I think this is the source for my 'new' confidence but I don't want to let it be my actual confidence if you get what I mean. I feel better, I look better and I need to show I'm better than I was 6 months ago overall.

We still get along great when we talk, we don't usually work the same days so don’t see each other too consistently at the moment.

So I went into work today to develop some photos and she was working in the photo section, I just kept sitting down next to the machine sorting out my photos, I stood up once or twice because my legs were going stiff and she came over to me to talk. Just talked about me developing photos from my old phone because I got the new iPhone 4S and we had a friendly argument about which colour is better because she said she loves the white one and I kept saying the black one was better, and we both smiled a bit. I went up to the counter to pay for the photos and we talked for a few more minutes (no one else was around, it was just us two) about work, university and a few other things. A good conversation, she was smiling a bit and so was I still, I had this new 'natural confidence' it seemed, ever since I've got fitter, I feel a lot better physically and mentally. The vibe was very good, I think I have to ask her out sooner rather than later though (after exams though, my last one is the 8th November).

I want to ask her out once more but face to face like a man and if she rejects me, she rejects me. I really just want a definitive ‘yes’ or ‘no’ face to face and I’ll move on if it’s the latter.

[pant90]

You are absolutely right. Ask her out face to face. Doing it on the phone is not really reliable and is often forgotten I mean it was "only" a phone call right? you only hear a voice and might after a while not remember what that voice said. If you are talking face to face however she has all her senses to get and understand what you are saying. So go for it man and have an awesome dat with her. Oh yeah and dont take her to theatre as that is not a place to get to know a person as you are just sitting next to eachother but not talking at all.

Have a good night

Patrice

[smackie9]

If she comes up with more excuses or doesn't give you a straight answer, take it as a no I'm not interested.

[amanwithaplan]

If she comes up with more excuses or doesn't give you a straight answer, take it as a no I'm not interested.

I know that much. This time isn't so much outcome based. I just want a solid conclusion. And don't take that as I don't like the girl very much because I do but I realise if it's not her, there is someone else. I've already been upset over her in the past because of what happened so I know how to accept it and even though I'm trying one last time it's more because I know I'm confident, I look and feel better and if she still doesn't want to go out with me then at least I know that no matter what I could have done, it wouldn't have worked so I don't need to be mad at myself anymore for stupid mistakes if I do it all right this time (do the process right, I don't mean do it 'right' so it leads to her saying 'yes')

My friend thinks I should approach this small and just go for a coffee and start off a bit low key to establish a 'relationship' outside of work and I agree going to the movies is pointless at this time because we won't be talking. Is coffee the best idea? (I know she drinks coffee by the way)

[smackie9]

Most of the time it has nothing to do with approach or how "fit" you are. If there is no attraction, spark or chemistry, it doesn't matter how confident you are. Even socially ackward guys will meet a girl that will go the distance to get with him if there is physical attraction from her point of view. It's a hit or miss, "mistakes" or not.

If you feel you are confident enough to ask her out, you don't need advice on what to do on your date...

[devonbrown]

Definitely ask her out face to face. If nothing else you will gain experience on how to handle that situation and practice is always good.

Good luck.

[amanwithaplan]

Most of the time it has nothing to do with approach or how "fit" you are. If there is no attraction, spark or chemistry, it doesn't matter how confident you are. Even socially ackward guys will meet a girl that will go the distance to get with him if there is physical attraction from her point of view. It's a hit or miss, "mistakes" or not.

If you feel you are confident enough to ask her out, you don't need advice on what to do on your date...

It's not that I need advice on what to do on the date, I just don't know what an appropriate 'first date' is because I've never had one and I only have one last chance so I don't want to mess this up.

[smackie9]

You are not getting what I am saying. It doesn't matter what you do on a first date....that doesn't make for a deal breaker. If she doesn't feel anything for you, it won't matter where you go.

[amanwithaplan]

You are not getting what I am saying. It doesn't matter what you do on a first date....that doesn't make for a deal breaker. If she doesn't feel anything for you, it won't matter where you go.

I know you're right in that regard, I know there is a possibility she doesn't want to go out with me. It is 50/50 whether she will go out with me, I just don't want to go overboard in a 'first date' or come off as someone I'm not to try and impress her (e.g. like some people try to come off as rich because they always state that 'they're paying' and 'get the most expensive thing on the menu' yada yada) but I suppose a coffee is the best option, it's not too committal, low key and if anything happens there it can progress forward (if she says yes) and if she doesn't even want to have coffee with me, then it's the end.

Thanks, sorry if I come off as repeating myself. I'm confident in myself and who I am, it's just I need to break this lack of experience in the dating world for me to unleash it more.