Is there any solution to this?

[Ltol]

I am so lonely and desperate, this makes my life so hard. I do not ask for pity or remorse, I simply need your help and an advice.

I'm an 18 years old guy, in good shape, I go to college. I have friends, both girls and boys, but there is this big problem that has been stalking me for years. I feel lonely. And it's not because I don't have any friends, but because I don't have that "special" soul mate. Now don't tell me that I'm too young for anything serious, it's more than that.

I need someone to talk to, a girl with whom I can share my love and my passion, my happy times and my hard moments. I want to love her more than anything else on this planet, to cuddle whenever I'm cold and to share my pain whenever I'm sad. This is not about sex or anything like that, it's about love. I need that love and the fact that I have been trying for so long, but failed, kills me.

I don't know what's wrong with me? Am I weird? I never kissed a girl, never had a girlfriend, hell, I think I hugged a girl like twice in my life. I am not shy. I am a confident, good-looking guy, with a very interesting personality, and I am not afraid to express myself. But what's wrong with me, for God's sake? I am afraid that I might never find that one person.

Every single night I am trying to think about how I can make things better, but there's no solution. I feel so lonely, and it's like I had no one. Every time that there is someone interesting, she is either not interested or has a boyfriend, and I seem to be running out of luck day after day, year after year. I don't know what else to say.

Thanks for your advice, and please, do help me somehow.

[workingman78]

How often do you approach a woman? Do you look for signs she is interested? Let me give you a piece of advice, I wish someone had given me when I was younger. Don't live with the "maybe's" go out and talk to girls, if they look interesting ask them out. Who cares if they say no? I well give you a example, I am about a year and a bit out of a relationship, and I was really worried at my age that I would not find someone. I still want to have a family, kids, etc, and I have a big heart that I want to share with someone. After about 2 months of moping around, someone challenged me to ask someone out, I figured, sure , why not, so I went ahead and asked out a cashier at the local parts store, totally thinking I would be rejected, what do you know she says yes. I have come to realize that any woman that is willing to strike up a conversation and hold it any lenght of time is a possibility. Some say no, some say yes, either way no one thinks ill of a guy that takes the initiative and asks.

[Ltol]

I most certainly do. There are quite a few that I know for sure are interested, but I don't seem to know how to ask one out (for I have very little experience in that). I wish that real life was like a movie, when the guy goes and by saying "Hey, do you want to date me?", gets the girl. It's not like that, unfortunately.

I might have the courage to ask someone out, if I ever get to find this someone (although one of those interested in me is very attractive and I like her very much), but the problem might be the approach. I do approach women, talk to them, laugh, etc, but I have absolutely no experience in dating, nor do I know how to ask someone out, and this is going to break me if I don't take any measures.

[NotaSuperhero]

Ltol,

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You are not wierd.
What you are: young
What you're going through: COMPLETELY normal

I'm not the guy who can give you solid advice on the actual relationship, as I've made a fair mess of most I've been in, but I can offer this:
Hang in there. Understand that you're not alone in how you feel; in fact, you are with the majority. You will find the right person when the time is right.
In the mean time, don't stress! Just relax, and be you!
Don't fall in the trap of trying to find just somebody to fill that void. Stay active and involved with your friends/classmates/coworkers/family.
When your souldmate walks into your life, you'll be available and ready.

Remember: BIBOR -- Breath In, Breath Out, Repeat.

[Ltol]

Thank you. The feeling is much better, now!

I must say that the pressure of all my friends being in a relationship, all these "love story" movies and other stuff made me upset over the past years. This is not why I need that love, however, but living in this society is sometimes harsh. I honestly thought that college would change some things related to relationship/dating/love. Maybe it did, but not for me anyway.

Also, my message makes no sense, but that is simply because I have so many things to say that I never shared. I just hope that some day, I will be the lucky guy, the "one" for someone in particular.

[Chat_noir]

Well if that makes you feel any better, i was there before and i am there now and i know i'll be there again and again. Not desperate any more -that's what aging does i guess- but still.Even when you do find someone, you'll still come up with millions of questionmarks,simply because there is no such thing as "perfect one".I am 26 and i've realized that the most important thing is to love yourself,have good friends and ideally a work that would satisfy you enough.That's the basis you start building on.Relationship-wise,just go over there and make your move,whatever that is.You'll fail,and fail some more,but you'll succeed as well,and at least you'll learn.It's part of the procedure,maybe you'll find someone,maybe you won't,maybe you'll change your expectations to something more realistic...who knows?But certainly you're neither weird nor problematic,this is really completely normal.And if you want my oppinion,movies are fun but they don't show the whole thing.Life is much more complicated but much more fun at the same time.

[Ltol]

Well, I would really hate to be single like that at 26 years ... Damn just to think of it, that's painful

[Chat_noir]

that's the exact wrong attitude since the beginning.The thing is...it is unfair for ourselves to believe that life has no meaning without somebody.Life has enough meaning because we make it happen,and the other person just comes and if not "completes",then "shares" that happiness with us.It's not a magical thing you know,the other person is never a savior.if you are not happy with yourself,then nobody else around you will be.That means,yes,it is lovely to be 26 and single "LIKE THAT"

[Gypsybell]

Chat Noir is exactly right. Nothing will cure what ails you except age and experience. Tho it seems the pits to be alone at 18, it is far worse to make lifelong committments before you have a clue who you are or what you need, in realistic terms, for a happy fullfilled life. Try having a child to raise before you are 18 and the glow of 'soulmates' gets a little more realistic. (and all those longed for 'kisses and cuddles' with the rampant teenage hormones leads to exactly that). Young love is one of the strongest emotions you will ever experience, mainly because you do not yet have the wisdom to control it. I do not think it is at all a bad thing to be too choosey so far. Manyt boys just want to experience sex however they can get it and they don't agonize too much over the odd rejection. You have sensitivity, don't fret, it will hold you in good stead long after their lust has jaded the act of love to the mediocrity of all the other desperados, trying to find some meaning in one nite stands. (and this probably incllude most of those you presently envy with full on sexual relationships). Take your time and don't worry, it will be easy to proceed when the riight girl comes along, that's what love is, mutual attraction. You will be drawn to each other and you will think more of her then yourself. You have yet to be so besotted that you will have no difficulty asking her out, but that is how it goes. Enjoy the process. If you are lucky it will only happen once in your lifetime, but don't be afraid to be a boy just having fun until it does.

[bulrush]

First, you must be happy with yourself before you can truly put effort into a loving relationship.

I never kissed a girl, never had a girlfriend, hell, I think I hugged a girl like twice in my life. I am not shy.

I think you ARE shy, since you have never had a girlfriend. Maybe you should take a risk more. Ask out girls where you have a lot in common. Girls understand that they should go out with guys where they share common values, like a sense of humor. Guys are not good at picking up on this. So girls will turn down guys where they don't see the values they have in common. A biker dude is not going to get a date with a Jesus chick.

Young love is one of the strongest emotions you will ever experience,...

True, but at age 40, I am having that teenage love again with my gf (who is also in her 40s). We just seem to fit together perfectly, we really get along well. But that's because I really made an effort to know myself, and what makes me truly happy, and to dump the emotional baggage I had. She did the same. And we found each other.

Things are going well for us because we both understand what skills a solid relationship requires: communication, compromise, humor, and more.

Why just this weekend she and I were sneaking home from the bar, trying to be quiet so her kids wouldn't hear us! I felt 17 all over again. It was funny, and we were both trying not to giggle as we came into the house.

[devonbrown]

You are reading the last page of the book first. You have to get to the point where you find your soul mate. That means going on dates. And it CAN be as simple as asking someone out. Just ask someone to go for coffee or to an event nearby or dinner or anything really. Some will say no and some will say yes. But you have to start going through the process before you get to the end result.

Good luck.

[Ltol]

Thanks everyone for your replies, I really appreciate it. To get back on a few of your comments, no, it's not about being shy or not confident. I am never shy, and fully confident, but I always considered that I should wait for the perfect girl and not just accept anyone who comes to me with advances. I am extremely happy with myself. I'm a good-looking guy, I have many interests and my life is very good.

I know one thing though: yes, you are all right, it must be my damn fault for not insisting on a date or whatever, but as I previously mentioned I have absolutely no experience in this domain. How can you build a computer when you've never actually seen one?

Also I would like to thank you for the critisism. I made me realize that some things must be fixed, and that in order to obtain what I want I must face the reality, whether it be good or not. It's all about overcoming this invisible, unknown barrier, breaking the ice.