Confused

[Lamyb]

Hi there...this is my first time using any type of forum, bu I think hearing opinions from everyone will be good. Here goes:
I'm 27 and was dating my bf for about 10 months. We hit it off quick and immediately were spending mist of our time together. We fell for each other hard and fast. He was spending most nights at my place, so when his lease ended about 3 months in for us, he moved in. I loved it and think he did too. He told me numerous times he could see himself marrying me, and that he's never felt that way about another girl. His friends agreed, our relationship was different. The only thing we argued about was his friends consistently spending the night, I wanted to spend time with just him once in a while, he didn't understand. Around the end of July he started distancing himself from me, and by august was becoming close to another girl, telling me they are "just friends". I didn't see any reason not to trust him. Things became tense because we both knew something was going on, but neither addressed it. He told me he wanted to move out and thought we needed to get back to basics, that we lost our friendship along the way. Part of me agreed, but I thought it meant we were still together. It did not. He dragged everything out until October 1st. He moved out then, all the while maintaining he doesn't want to lose me from his life. I would rather have him as a friend then nothing, so I tried. I asked him again about the other gril, still says nothing is going on and he would tell me if there were another person. After he moved out he took needing space to an extreme. I felt like he wanted nothing to do with me, and if I tried talking to him it turned to a fight, and that wasn't happening before. We had planned a vacation for this past week, I worked all week, he went on a different vacation with the other girl. I've been devastated. Last Monday, I hacked into his Facebook to find an email saying he had to check "the girls plan before he could meet up with his brother on vacation". I called him, even though we aren't together, it hurts that he is going away with the girl I had asked him about so often. He was livid I was in his Facebook, told me I ruined chances of anything every getting fixed with us, and that nothing is going on. His bday was Thursday and I was doubting myself, maybe he's right, I'm crazy, maybe I've been pushing is other girl for so long, I've convinced myself something is going on. I went onto his Facebook again (I understand it's wrong) and she is making comments "in LA with the boy <3". It's obvious something is going on. He ended things Monday that maybe we can talk when I calm down and things blow over when he gets home. After seeing this, I emailed him...told him upfront again what I did and not to contact me when he got home. I feel like such a fool. All the signs were in front of me, and if he were upfront with me, I could have walked away with some dignity. He got my email and was irate again, it was an awful conversation and I truly regret the way things ended. We both pushed each other too far. I have such anger toward him and the other girl and I need to let it go. I can't stand feeling this way about someone I still love so dearly. I know he is the man for me, and I don't want to give up. He has had an awful childhood, and most of his family has abandoned him. According to his friends this is what he does, sabotages relationships when he hits a year or so, but again, they thought he was different with me. I do not want to be another person to walk out on him, I have mixed feelings about how he still feels about me. I know he did, but by him moving on so quickly, it makes me question everything. I have tried reaching out to him to just end things on a better note when we aren't both so angry, saturday he said he read my msg, but didn't have enough battery to respond, he wanted me to know he wasnt ignoring me. I don't know if that means he will be in touch when he comes home or not. I don't know how to try and move on from here, I don't believe it's truly over, but I don't know how he will understand that. He is one of the most stubborn people I've ever meant.
I know this is long, but I would appreciate any advice or opinions. Thank you.

[Wakeup]

I do not want to be another person to walk out on him,

Well, don't worry about that because he's the one that walked out on you.

You have to ask yourself why you want to be with a man that has never dealt or come to terms with his cruel childhood and therefore repeats the same mistakes over and over again. He goes in fast and his relationships burn out just as quickly.

Of course it's up to you, but personally, I can't see why you'd want anything further to do with him since he was obviously cheating on you while you were still together and instead of breaking up with you outright, he tried to string you along for back up.

Let him go. He doesn't love you the way you want him to. I trust he'll never be able to make a relationship last past the first flash fire and if he's not already addicted to the new love feeling then he soon will be.. You don't want to find yourself with someone who is addicted to the feel of new love limerence. Those types are always looking for the next "new."

Be good to yourself and garner the strength and confidence you need to let him go outright... Not what you want to hear, I'm sure but IMO: zero contact is in your own best interests.